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Original poster

‘Can you even fit in that chair?’ - am I just being sensitive?

191 replies

Okimbig · 23/05/2021 16:00

I’m big. I know I am, I’ve gained weight rapidly since having my baby, who is now one. I have postnatal depression and I guess food has been my comfort. I hate my body and I’m uncomfortable, I’m naturally around a size 10. This body doesn’t feel right and I am trying to do something about it right now.

My issue is that my mum keeps making comments. She calls me obese, tells me to get my fat arse out of the way, and when I told her that made me upset she came right up in my face and said ‘I’ll say what I want in my house, move your fat f*cking arse.’

Yesterday, I went over to see her no office and my family were there (office built in the garden). I sat down in an office chair and she told me ‘there’s a weight limit on those, you know. Can you even fit in it?’, despite the chair being fine.

She tells me she would be miserable in my size and that skinny = happy.

I’m a size 18, so I know I am big, but I’m so upset with the comments. Am I just being sensitive?

OP posts:
1FootInTheRave · 23/05/2021 16:21

What a disgusting being she is.

Your son shouldn't be around that.

Vile.

SappysCurry · 23/05/2021 16:23

That’s mean
Why do some mums think they can get away with saying stuff like that
💐

Wanttocryatthecost · 23/05/2021 16:23

@Okimbig

No, I don’t live with her. I can reduce contact, it would just be hard because I would feel guilty about her not seeing my son.
Do you want your son to grow up listening to her speak to you like that! What if he starts thinking it’s ok to speak to you like that, will you be willing to be degraded by both your mother and son? What if he ends up big or has some personality trait she dosnt like. Are you willing for her to treat him the same way she treats you.

Fuck her, get your son away from that toxic environment. Do not feel guilty about taking him away from her, she is the one who’s behaviour has caused this.

There is nothing wrong with being big, I’m a size 18, am I happy about my weight no, I would like to loose some, which is easier said than done sometimes. But there is no way in hell I would ever let anyone put me down for my weight. My mother is like yours she equates skinny with being happy and is very toxic in many other ways, which is why my children have absolutely no contact with her. I had no choice growing up in that environment but I do have a choice in the kind of environment my children grow up in.

Snaketime · 23/05/2021 16:25

If it was me I would tell her that I can loose the weight but that she will always be an evil abusive witch. Do not feel guilty about her not seeing your son, he is better off without her in his life as are you.
Skinny does not = happy it doesn't always even = healthy.

GlutenFreeGingerCake · 23/05/2021 16:26

Even if you had got to a size 32 and were really in danger of breaking a chair your mum should be the person you can count on for loving support and kindness.

UnsolicitedDickPic · 23/05/2021 16:26

It's even worse that you've previously battled an eating disorder and that's her comment. She's awful and one day that behaviour will be turned on your child. Cut contact. She's disgusting and doesn't deserve you or your family.

MajesticWhine · 23/05/2021 16:28

She sounds horrible. Please don't put up with it. She has no divine right to see her grandchild. Do you rely on her for childcare?

RandomMess · 23/05/2021 16:28

Blimey I think this is probably the tip of the iceberg to how nasty your Mum is and your Dad keeps quiet and enables it Angry

olivesnutsandcheeseplease · 23/05/2021 16:28

Why would you want your precious DC to have contact with her? She swore at you for a start, what's to say she'll not swear in front of the DC? If they follow her example they will say such awful things to you too. It's definitely not in their best interests to have a relationship with her let alone yours. I'm sorry she's so awful to you and that you're feeling low.

Flobbertybillop · 23/05/2021 16:29

Op - is that how you want you son to talk to people? Don’t feel guilty, she’s the one behaving disgustingly, not you.

FlatStanletta · 23/05/2021 16:30

Oh my goodness OP! That is an incredibly rude, unkind and insensitive thing to say to someone - even worse now you say you have previously had an ED.

It is totally unacceptable for anyone to ever talk to you like that. If she were worried about your weight and your health there would be ways to talk to you and support you with that.

This is only ever going to make you feel awful.

theDudesmummy · 23/05/2021 16:31

If someone spoke to me like that I would not be speaking to them again, whoever they were.

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 23/05/2021 16:31

Does she somehow think that shaming you will help you to lose weight??
Maybe offering to mind your baby whilst you exercise would be more helpful.

Horrible that some women judge others worth on the basis of their weight. I have seen my MIL do this constantly. She was even fat shaming my poor SIL when she was pregnant with twins! Saying things like 'it's such a shame she's gained so much weight. She will find it really hard to lose'
Making comments like 'well having twins has really ruined her figure' whilst she was struggling to cope on no sleep.

I limit her being around my children as I genuinely worry about the effect of her attitude on my teenage DD. I have no doubt at all she would make a comment if she considered she had put on weight. I make sure I am around to correct any of her crap. She knows my opinions and is a bit scared of me thank goodness.

RagzReturnsRebooted · 23/05/2021 16:32

If she speaks like that to you in front of your son, then you absolutely should not have contact with her. Appalling behaviour to model to a child.
Your mum is toxic. She should be supportive, if she's concerned about your weight (as I would be if my adult child was obese) not attacking you for it.

pointythings · 23/05/2021 16:32

You're right to cut contact. It's bad for you and your son ned not learn that this is acceptable behaviour in a family. Focus on yourself - getting fit, losing the weight but for you not for anyone else! If you've had an eating disorder in the past, you may need some support managing that - and the last thing you need is someone who is critical and destructive. You may also need some support managing the feelings of guilt - they aren't justified, but it may not be easy for you to believe that.

andtheweedonkey · 23/05/2021 16:34

@Okimbig

No I would never ever call anyone fat or obese or make any comments on weight. I was hospitalised due to an eating disorder when I was a teenager, so I would never want to make anyone feel how I did.

My dad just looked uncomfortable and didn’t say anything.

I will cut contact.

🌼💪🏻 good.

Think about being in her shoes - would you speak to your child like that if they had your history? It's very sad that she is treating you like this.

Babygotblueyes · 23/05/2021 16:36

reduce contact. When she asks why tell her it is because she tends to say bullying and mean things and you cant have that around your child. If she wants more contact, she needs to start behaving right.

tropicalwaterdiver · 23/05/2021 16:36

It's very nasty things to say.
Can you confront her? You can say something like: You can think whatever you want about my weight but filter what you say to me. It's a warning and if you continue I will go no contact with you as I don't appreciate your language.

PercyPiginaWig · 23/05/2021 16:37

@Okimbig

No, I don’t live with her. I can reduce contact, it would just be hard because I would feel guilty about her not seeing my son.
I would feel more guilty about exposing your son to such a toxic negative person.

You can change your weight*, a bitter personality like hers will be harder or impossible to change and it's not your duty to be her verbal punchbag.

*but don't be too hard on yourself while you work towards it in a healthy way

FurrySlipperBoots · 23/05/2021 16:40

What a truly hideous individual your 'mother' is.

If you keep her in your son's life, she could be saying the same to him in a few years time, slowly chipping way at his self esteem, making him feel how you do now. Cut Out the Cancer OP.

1WayOrAnother2 · 23/05/2021 16:40

You feeling happier is better for your baby. Well done on setting up secure boundaries with your mum. Of course no-one should talk to you like that.

This will be important in the future too.

(Could there be rows ahead about the feeding of your DC? Beware of this!)

diamondpony80 · 23/05/2021 16:40

I wouldn't put up with being spoken to like that by anyone, not even my own mother. She sounds like a complete bitch and not someone I'd want to have around me or my child.

Crowsaregreat · 23/05/2021 16:40

She doesn't deserve you and it could be harmful for your son to see his grandmother talking to his mother like that. Has she always been like this?

TwoAndAnOnion · 23/05/2021 16:41

@Okimbig

No, I don’t live with her. I can reduce contact, it would just be hard because I would feel guilty about her not seeing my son.
If you think it's appropriate for your son to hear you spoken to like this, then you need to think again .
katy1213 · 23/05/2021 16:42

No need to feel guilty about someone like that not seeing your son! You want him to grow up with manners, consideration and social graces and so you don't want him associating with - how can I phrase it politely, the socially undesirable? Which sadly is your mother.

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