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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have shouted at him?

188 replies

SlothingSunday · 23/05/2021 13:20

DP. We don’t live together. He wants us to live together but it’s instances like this that put me off. Whenever he comes around to my house he asks me if I want him to put the eggs in the fridge as I’ve “left them out”. I’ve told him time and time again that I don’t put eggs in the fridge but because he thinks he’s right he won’t let it fucking drop. Literally everytime he comes over he will pretend to be confused about the eggs not being in the fridge. This morning he came around and I realised he’d put the eggs in the fridge. I lost it completely and shouted at him to leave my fucking eggs alone and that I’ve told him so many times that I don’t want them in the fridge and suggested he stop trying to control me. He acted all outraged at my “over reaction” but this is the tip of an iceberg. He does it with everything.

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 23/05/2021 15:25

He's acting like a total arse but your eggs should be in the fridge.

babbaloushka · 23/05/2021 15:31

@BadEyeBri

Why does it matter so much to either of you? It's eggs.
It's more about him deliberately pushing OP's buttons and then acting as though she's unreasonable when she got annoyed.
Theunamedcat · 23/05/2021 15:32

Sounds like chocolategate i like my chocolate unrefridgerated ex liked his in the fridge we also like different types of chocolate so it didn't matter except one day he put my chocolate in my fridge (in my house) so I took it out he tutted and put it back in i said its my chocolate thanks and took it back out put it away he went in my drawer AGAIN and said very firmly CHOCOLATE BELONGS IN THE FRIDGE i took it back out and said not mine i prefer it room temp he then stood infront of my drawer so I couldn't put my chocolate away so I put it in my handbag he never went in my handbag because its "women only" (a line he never crossed) he called me a pathetic cunt i told him he was an unwelcome former guest in my home and to leave he tried chatting more abuse I cut him off with now or im calling the police to remove you he tried to carry on so I picked up my phone and he slammed put of my house

I've really no clue what started it and why it was suddenly a "thing" but bullet dodged move along i heard he married and had kids im assuming she likes her chocolate in the fridge 😅

Librariesmakeshhhhappen · 23/05/2021 15:34

He is correct, about the eggs in the fridge. They should be kept in a fridge, or in a cool pantry. If you've got them in a pantry then that's different but if they're just on the counter or in a cupboard, then they should be kept in the fridge instead.

That being said, it's your house and he needs to leave your things alone.

eekbumbler · 23/05/2021 15:37

I tried living with somebody - I hated that he would start washing up and then leave the greasy pans in the sink to soak. I would have to skim the cold fat from the top of the water, drain, clean sink and make sure drain was clear of fat to resume washing them. Drove me mad.

We didn't split up because of this but it led me to believe that either I could not share my space with anybody after 10 years or... I just didn't really give a shit about him and was looking for any excuse to get rid.

He had his own place to go back to, so no harm done.

diddl · 23/05/2021 15:38

Doesn't respect you at all does he?

lazylinguist · 23/05/2021 15:39

Fgs it's not about the eggs, it's about his weird, annoying faux-confused behaviour!

but your eggs should be in the fridge

Nope. see here - scroll to end of article for conclusive decision.

Topseyt · 23/05/2021 15:41

@Librariesmakeshhhhappen

He is correct, about the eggs in the fridge. They should be kept in a fridge, or in a cool pantry. If you've got them in a pantry then that's different but if they're just on the counter or in a cupboard, then they should be kept in the fridge instead.

That being said, it's your house and he needs to leave your things alone.

No, he isn’t correct. Supermarkets don’t sell eggs from the refrigerated sections. Our local Tesco has them in the bread aisle.

You can refrigerate them if you wish but they won’t cook as well. The only thing you have to bear in mind when storing eggs is that they need a constant temperature without too much variation. Room temperature is fine in countries like the UK.

GodolphinHorne · 23/05/2021 15:43

@BadEyeBri

OP you sound unhinged.
I don’t think OP sounds unhinged. She sounds like I feel when my husband does similar. Which is often.

The fake bemusement, the refusal to let it go, the insistence that his way is the only right way... followed by the sarcastic contempt (implying that I’m too stupid to remember how to do stuff) and the little passive aggressive moving stuff around manoeuvres.

From bitter experience, OP, I would walk away. If he annoys you this much now, think how much worse it would be if you lived together.

Naunet · 23/05/2021 15:43

so I put it in my handbag he never went in my handbag because its "women only" (a line he never crossed) he called me a pathetic cunt

What a guy! Touching a woman’s handbag was a line he wouldn’t cross, but calling her a cunt was fine?! He probably thought touching a handbag would make his dick fall off 🙄

GodolphinHorne · 23/05/2021 15:44

@Librariesmakeshhhhappen

He is correct, about the eggs in the fridge. They should be kept in a fridge, or in a cool pantry. If you've got them in a pantry then that's different but if they're just on the counter or in a cupboard, then they should be kept in the fridge instead.

That being said, it's your house and he needs to leave your things alone.

Not true. Eggs don’t need to be refrigerated in the UK.
Naunet · 23/05/2021 15:45

BadEyeBri
OP you sound unhinged

Yes, not doing what men said often got women institutionalised in the past. Bitches be crazy, huh?

pinkyredrose · 23/05/2021 15:45

He's an idiot. He obviously feels entitled to do what he wants in your house, fuck that shit!

PandemicAtTheDisco · 23/05/2021 15:45

Don't move in with him. It will only get worse.

I had a homeless work friend that I let stay whilst she found a new place to rent. Why was she homeless? Her housemates were all horrible to her then kicked her out. I witnessed how horrible they were to her so I didn't doubt her version. They'd ganged up on her and bullied her. It seemed believable.

I realised in less than a week of sharing my home why they'd asked her to move out. I learnt from mutual friends how she'd tried to control her ex housemates and quickly experienced myself how her way was the only right way to do things.

If I used garlic the whole house stunk and the windows had to be open and air freshener sprayed extensively. I was told to use mouthwash. Did I have to use garlic? Did I not smell how disgusting my breath was and how much I stunk. Did I not want a boyfriend?

She liked washing up done straight after a meal. Why wasn't I doing the pots? Why haven't you done the pots yet? You still haven't done the pots!

There were lots of other things. She always wanted to change things to suit her. We had words and I had to tell her it was my house and I would be doing things my way. She needed to find her own place. Thankfully it wasn't long before she moved into her own flat and we resumed our previous work friendship.

She made lots of comments about me not being attractive to men because of my slovenly ways, unfashionable clothes, stinky food choices, lack of makeup and hair styling and hippy ways. Strangely enough it is her that has never managed to progress further with any of the people she dates. She has never lived with anyone else.

Babyroobs · 23/05/2021 15:49

Maybe he is worried about you getting ill over eggs not being in the fridge ? I always keep mine in the fridge, not sure whether they are meant to be? I'm just saying some people have set ideas about what should go in the fridge and he perhaps has reason to think it could be harmful to leave them out?

VettiyaIruken · 23/05/2021 15:51

It's not about the eggs. It's about him deciding that how you do things is wrong and you must do things how he likes them done.

The pretending to be confused is ridiculous and you should challenge him. Suggest that he clearly has significant memory issues and should see a doctor.

I assume he thinks that he can just wear you down in the end and you'll fall in line. He can fuck off!

And even if it actually was about the eggs, they're your eggs in your house and he can still fuck off!

You'd have to be thick to move in with him.

LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour · 23/05/2021 15:57

Sure as eggs is eggs his controlling behaviour and "confusion" about how you prefer things in your own home is only going to get worse.

VettiyaIruken · 23/05/2021 15:57

@Naunet

BadEyeBri OP you sound unhinged

Yes, not doing what men said often got women institutionalised in the past. Bitches be crazy, huh?

Spot on. Funny how he's not unhinged for going to someone else's home and trying to dictate how things are done and where things are put and pretending to be all confused about it cos his way is the right way and surely she can see that...

No, she's unhinged for not just doing what he wants cos it's not a big deal right? Well if it's not a big deal then he can stfu about it. How come when the not a big deal bollocks is rolled out it's always the woman who's expected to suck it up?

Halfwreckedbykids · 23/05/2021 15:58

To me its not a big issue..
My DH puts eggs in fridge...I don't..
He likes hindez ketchup I like chef...
So half eggs and 2 ketchup in fridge.

Its super easy...so its workable....what wouldn't work is dictating to each other...especially over tiny things...there's bigger battles to be fought.
If he won't compromise on small insignificant things then worry about bigger ones.
However STAND your ground now and it could be ok. Just confront and deal with...if he can't respect where you want your eggs...don't let him near you

HeraInTheHereAndNow · 23/05/2021 15:59

Find something else to worry about. Seriously.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 23/05/2021 16:07

@Librariesmakeshhhhappen

He is correct, about the eggs in the fridge. They should be kept in a fridge, or in a cool pantry. If you've got them in a pantry then that's different but if they're just on the counter or in a cupboard, then they should be kept in the fridge instead.

That being said, it's your house and he needs to leave your things alone.

If you've never lived rurally, you might not realise that a large majority of older properties are much, much cooler - and draughtier - than an urban new build (and certainly cooler than most supermarket shelves).

An unwashed egg will be fresh and safe for an extended period in a cool kitchen, as will butter in all but the height of summer - I keep ours on the windowsill in a china crock/a dish and, because it's northfacing and shaded all day with the window open a crack for ventilation, they are almost as cold as the fridge whilst remaining perfectly safe to eat.

I'm very picky about keeping things that need to be refrigerated or that I prefer refrigerated (like drinks, sliced cured meats, meat and salad vegetables - but not tomatoes) in the fridge at all times because I take biologics that affect my immune system. But not eggs or butter. Because they are safe.

Librariesmakeshhhhappen · 23/05/2021 16:10

@Tk5787338

That's because supermarkets are pretty much kept at a constant temperature. It's not keeping them cold that matters, its keeping them cool at a constant temperature. So a pantry which doesnt get warm or a fridge.

Amdone123 · 23/05/2021 16:12

@LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour, ' sure as eggs is eggs'
Grin...made me laugh so loud. I love how you slipped this in.

Librariesmakeshhhhappen · 23/05/2021 16:12

@NeverDropYourMoonCup .

You'll notice I said fridge OR pantry. It's the constant cool temperature they need. So a kitchen which gets warm on a warm day, or by being heated isnt the place for them. A pantry/stable cool area or a fridge.

toocold54 · 23/05/2021 16:12

How long have you been together?

This relationship obviously isn’t working! Imagine if you actually had to live together!