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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have shouted at him?

188 replies

SlothingSunday · 23/05/2021 13:20

DP. We don’t live together. He wants us to live together but it’s instances like this that put me off. Whenever he comes around to my house he asks me if I want him to put the eggs in the fridge as I’ve “left them out”. I’ve told him time and time again that I don’t put eggs in the fridge but because he thinks he’s right he won’t let it fucking drop. Literally everytime he comes over he will pretend to be confused about the eggs not being in the fridge. This morning he came around and I realised he’d put the eggs in the fridge. I lost it completely and shouted at him to leave my fucking eggs alone and that I’ve told him so many times that I don’t want them in the fridge and suggested he stop trying to control me. He acted all outraged at my “over reaction” but this is the tip of an iceberg. He does it with everything.

OP posts:
Plumplumbadum · 23/05/2021 13:35

@BadEyeBri

Why does it matter so much to either of you? It's eggs.
Well you've spectacularly missed the point haven't you. And it doesn't matter if it's eggs or shit and sugar sandwiches, OP can keep them where she wants in her own house.
HeckyPeck · 23/05/2021 13:35

@BadEyeBri

Why does it matter so much to either of you? It's eggs.
What if someone came into your house and say moved your shoes into a cupboard. If the first time they did it you said "hey, dont move my shoes please, I like them there." Surely you'd expect them to stop moving your shoes?

If they repeatedly move them and then pretended they didn't know you didn't want your shoes in the cupboard, wouldn't you find that rude and annoying?

Assuming they don't have memory issues, they would be flat out lying about not knowing you'd told them not to put your shoes in the cupboard.

It's not about the shoes (or eggs!) but it says a lot about a person if they ignore what you want in your own home and then lie to your face pretending you'd never mentioned it.

Pebbledashery · 23/05/2021 13:35

You both sound incompatible. End it. If this is how you both are with something so ridiculously petty.. Imagine what it'd be like if you actually disagreed over something major. Couldn't deal with the pair of you.

HeckyPeck · 23/05/2021 13:38

@Pebbledashery

You both sound incompatible. End it. If this is how you both are with something so ridiculously petty.. Imagine what it'd be like if you actually disagreed over something major. Couldn't deal with the pair of you.
Well I assume as a partner you don't go into your partner's house, keep moving their things even when they've said they don't want you to then lie repeatedly about it when they remind you?

If not, you wouldn't have to worry about "dealimg with" OP would you?

DeciduousPerennial · 23/05/2021 13:39

He’s a pain the arse, isn’t he?

DinaofCloud9 · 23/05/2021 13:39

The pretend confusion would do my head in.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 23/05/2021 13:40

@katy1213

He'd have to be very, very good in bed to get over this. But somehow, I don't think pernickety, controlling obsessions about egg boxes equates to red hot lover!
‘Ohh yeah, yeahhhh baby. Let me fertilise your (unrefridgerated) eggs, baby. I can break your shell, baby.’
Pinkrollercoaster · 23/05/2021 13:41

I had something similar with a guy I was seeing for 3 months. He put my ketchup in the fridge when I put it in the cupboard, and on another occasion insisted on putting Galaxy chocolate in the fridge when I said I wanted my bar to be left out. I finished things with him.

UhtredRagnarson · 23/05/2021 13:41

What you’ve just experienced OP is the end of your relationship. You may not actually end if for sometime yet but when you do, after some reflection, you’ll realise that this was the point it was over.

PicturesOfLily · 23/05/2021 13:41

Not unreasonable at all. This would really annoy me. There’s no way I’d move in with someone who undermined me and always had to be right.

Soubriquet · 23/05/2021 13:42

Is he American where they do keep the eggs in the fridge because they have been bleached?

Tell him, if eggs were supposed to be kept in the fridge, why are they in ambient in supermarkets?

Then tell him to get the fuck out of your house because he’s doing your head in

BadEyeBri · 23/05/2021 13:42

God almighty I poked the hornets nest didn't I?

OP if it annoys you so much end the relationship. Why someone as strong willed as you needs MN to decide what to do about your relationship is beyond me. What I will say is that all relationships involve compromise. He's not perfect. You're not perfect. I'm not perfect. If there is a bigger problem than eggs then end it but ending a relationship over eggs is bonkers.

TerrifiedandWorried · 23/05/2021 13:43

How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Not in the fucking fridge you twat

Voomster953 · 23/05/2021 13:46

Why are you minimising it Bluntness? You know damn well this isn’t about eggs. It’s
about a man who thinks he knows better than a woman and constantly rides roughshod over her clearly (and repeatedly) defined decision on a matter. Worst still, he’s doing it in her own home.

Original poster
SlothingSunday · 23/05/2021 13:46

@TerrifiedandWorried

How do you like your eggs in the morning? Not in the fucking fridge you twat
Well that cheered me up 😂
OP posts:
Pebbledashery · 23/05/2021 13:46

@heckypeck I don't have a partner thankfully as my daughter and I fled domestic abuse that almost killed me. So fortunately I don't have to deal with anyone and such petty issues.

wickedwitchofthedance · 23/05/2021 13:47

I'm with your partner, put the eggs in the fridge. Does it really matter about eggs ffs. I'm sure after you blowing up at home the eggs will remain not in the fridge.

HeckyPeck · 23/05/2021 13:48

@BadEyeBri

God almighty I poked the hornets nest didn't I?

OP if it annoys you so much end the relationship. Why someone as strong willed as you needs MN to decide what to do about your relationship is beyond me. What I will say is that all relationships involve compromise. He's not perfect. You're not perfect. I'm not perfect. If there is a bigger problem than eggs then end it but ending a relationship over eggs is bonkers.

It clearly isn't ending a relationship over eggs though it is?

It's ending it because the partner ignores what OP wants in her own home repeatedly and then pretends to be confused when OP brings it up.

That is not how a good partner acts.

A good partner would say "Hey, I prefer to have my eggs cooked from the fridge. Is it ok if I pop 2 in there for my breakfast tomorrow?"

I genuinely don't know anyone who would come into my house and move my things after I'd asked them not to. Thankfully!

bonfireheart · 23/05/2021 13:48

OP, draw little creepy faces on the eggs and leave them out.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 23/05/2021 13:52

@bonfireheart

OP, draw little creepy faces on the eggs and leave them out.
Please do this Grin
HeckyPeck · 23/05/2021 13:52

[quote Pebbledashery]@heckypeck I don't have a partner thankfully as my daughter and I fled domestic abuse that almost killed me. So fortunately I don't have to deal with anyone and such petty issues.[/quote]
I'm sorry you have been in that situation.

I was also in a similar situation (without kids though)

I don't think it means other women should have to stay with controlling men just because they aren't violent. If anything it made my bar higher and want to let people know that they can leave a relationship for any reason at all, including where their partner is displaying clear signs that they are happy to ignore the person's wishes and that gaslighting is their method when being called out on it.

HeckyPeck · 23/05/2021 13:55

@wickedwitchofthedance

I'm with your partner, put the eggs in the fridge. Does it really matter about eggs ffs. I'm sure after you blowing up at home the eggs will remain not in the fridge.
So you like eggs in the fridge. I'm guessing you don't go to other people's houses and move their eggs to the fridge after they've asked you not to though?

If you do, do you only stop when they shout at you? And spend weeks before then pretending you didn't know they didn't want their eggs in the fridge?

Do you think that is ok behaviour?

LigPatin · 23/05/2021 13:56

I'm not sure why two people who blatantly don't like or respect another would want to stay in a relationship?

This is not about eggs.

BadEyeBri · 23/05/2021 13:56

HeckyPeck

Do read what I actually wrote, you did quote it after all.
Also, playing devil's advocate and keen to test the BP of a few over invested Mumsnetters, perhaps the partner is totally rational but OP is an egg control freak and has many, many house related rules. Who knows? Either way they don't sound suited.

I am worried about the PP who makes shit and sugar sandwiches. Hope you refrigerate those PP?

Nietzschethehiker · 23/05/2021 13:59

Oh I absolutely hate this. Not the egg thing (although I agree with you. In the UK we don't need to , in the US there is a reason in the way the eggs are treated that they need to be chilled but here it's not necessary) but the arrogant asking thing.

If you disagree with someone but don't have the emotional intelligence to say it outright then don't fucking say it at all.

The wide eyed faux "I don't underrrssstttaaannndd why you would/ wouldn't X Y Z" is the same thing. The fact that he asks repeatdly after being given a response just shows he's a manipulative twat who hasn't got the spine to mention it outright (I mean not that he should have any say in where your eggs are kept). Its honestly arrogant to think you might suddenly see the light because of his clunky rubbish manipulation.

Ergh sorry I realise I am fully overreacting but I absolutely can't bear people who think by being stupidly passive aggressive and trying to be manipulative it makes them assertive. Yes I recognise my issues but they ignite my rage!