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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have shouted at him?

188 replies

SlothingSunday · 23/05/2021 13:20

DP. We don’t live together. He wants us to live together but it’s instances like this that put me off. Whenever he comes around to my house he asks me if I want him to put the eggs in the fridge as I’ve “left them out”. I’ve told him time and time again that I don’t put eggs in the fridge but because he thinks he’s right he won’t let it fucking drop. Literally everytime he comes over he will pretend to be confused about the eggs not being in the fridge. This morning he came around and I realised he’d put the eggs in the fridge. I lost it completely and shouted at him to leave my fucking eggs alone and that I’ve told him so many times that I don’t want them in the fridge and suggested he stop trying to control me. He acted all outraged at my “over reaction” but this is the tip of an iceberg. He does it with everything.

OP posts:
namechangingforthis19586 · 23/05/2021 14:52

You clearly don't like him.

Why are you wasting his time?

SusannahSophia · 23/05/2021 14:53

I know it’s slightly different but my exH always ‘forgot’ simple household tasks then accused me of ‘nagging’ him about them. If he ‘remembered’ what I’d asked in the first place I wouldn’t have needed to ask him again.

He’s my ex because he had an affair, though!

NewlyGranny · 23/05/2021 14:54

It's not the egg bossiness so much, I suspect, as the disingenuous 'forgetting' how things get done in your house. He sounds like one of those folk who believe they have a monopoly on truth and how things ought to be done.

Australian visitors will put eggs, butter and chocolate in our fridge from sheer habit, but only once. I mention it, they go "Oh, I see," and that's the end of it. Why can't he do that?! Have you asked?

It will never work, OP. Keep your eggs unfertilised by him. 😉

multivac · 23/05/2021 14:58

@namechangingforthis19586

You clearly don't like him.

Why are you wasting his time?

Well aren't you a sweetheart?
fourminutestosavetheworld · 23/05/2021 14:59

Probably time to end it, since you'll never progress to living in the same house. IME living together often means compromise, putting up with the other persons foibles, ignoring petty but unimportant disagreements, and it doesn't sound like either of you are ready for that yet.

WeAllHaveWings · 23/05/2021 15:03

Eggs can be stored in our out of the fridge, the main thing is they are kept at a constant, and not too warm, temperature which is difficult in a home kitchen, so fridge is sometimes the best place (not the door as too many temperature changes).

Regardless of where the best place for eggs are, if you do move in together you will have different (not right or wrong) ways of doing things and need to work out how you'll find a solution if neither is willing to compromise.

For now, your house your eggs, but if he feels safer with the outside light on why wouldnt you oblige?

WhatMattersMost · 23/05/2021 15:04

OP, this speaks to a certain rigidity of thinking in your DP that becomes really quite difficult if the other person isn't the same. I had this with a partner, and it was one of the reasons I left him. I had started to feel invisible.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 23/05/2021 15:07

the main thing is they are kept at a constant, and not too warm, there is some evidence that the frdge door - the bit that is opened and closed, changing temperature, more likely to condensation etc - is the worst place to keep eggs because of that!

I remember talking to a food tech Professor whose entire career in industry and in research had included the egg conundrum.

The only consensus seems to be that Aerican eggs do need to be refrigerated Smile

midsomermurderess · 23/05/2021 15:12

As a PP said, it's MM bingo. Well, not quite, no 'red flags' yet or Maya Angelou quotes. But it's early doors, only 5 pages in.

WeAllHaveWings · 23/05/2021 15:14

changing temperature, more likely to condensation etc - is the worst place to keep eggs because of that!

Yes, something to do with getting wet/damp allows bacteria to get in through the shell.

stayathomer · 23/05/2021 15:14

I don't think it's either of you, I think it's both of you. To be shouting at someone like that when you're pre living together, the fact that you said earlier 'because it's my home' and also yes, totally him not taking into consideration the way you do things ... it just doesn't seem like a match made in heaven!

FusionChefGeoff · 23/05/2021 15:14

How emotionally unintelligent do you need to be to think this is about eggs (or chocolate, or tomatoes, or ketchup)?!?!

I think certain posters are on the wind up.

Ditch him he's a twat.

NewMatress · 23/05/2021 15:15

I wouldn't care as much as you do (or he does) about where the eggs are, but if you have told him numerous times, yes, there is a red flag there.

littlepattilou · 23/05/2021 15:16

@SlothingSunday Oh God, never live with him. This would drive me fucking batshit. Who does he think he is, telling you what to do?! Confused

littlepattilou · 23/05/2021 15:16

As has been said, this is about him controlling you and being the bossman. Fuck him!

Topseyt · 23/05/2021 15:17

It absolutely is controlling behaviour. He knew perfectly well that he was ignoring your boundaries here.

The eggs and where / how you like them stored represent a boundary in your house. One that he has arbitrarily decided not to respect. You say it is just the tip of the iceberg. So don’t move in with him. It won’t work. He will try to impose his rules all over the place because how he does things is the only way to do them and he will dictate to you.

For the record, and in case anyone is interested, I don’t keep my eggs in the fridge. I have a wire container in the shape of a hen and keep them in that on the kitchen worktop. They go in and out of the hen’s arse.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 23/05/2021 15:18

@WeAllHaveWings

Eggs can be stored in our out of the fridge, the main thing is they are kept at a constant, and not too warm, temperature which is difficult in a home kitchen, so fridge is sometimes the best place (not the door as too many temperature changes).

Regardless of where the best place for eggs are, if you do move in together you will have different (not right or wrong) ways of doing things and need to work out how you'll find a solution if neither is willing to compromise.

For now, your house your eggs, but if he feels safer with the outside light on why wouldnt you oblige?

Light pollution, a waste of energy, an increase in electricity bills, it makes it impossible to see what's outside in case of emergency, a thousand moths hurling themselves against the bulb, disturbing bats...oh, and because it's her house.

I'd do a really nice evening. Bit of food not eggs, wine, a movie - I can recommend An American Werewolf In London or Dog Soldiers. Oh, and before it starts, take the bulb out of the porch light. Afterwards, he just needs to take the binbag out whilst you investigate a noise in the back garden.

And then I'd wait until he went home at the first sign of daylight before texting him 'I don't think this is working anymore'.

JellyBabiesFan · 23/05/2021 15:19

Sure as eggs are eggs you are overreacting.

Maggiesfarm · 23/05/2021 15:20

This is obviously niggling you a lot and you say he is like that about other issues. Maybe you are just not compatible. It's obviously more than just eggs.

I used to always keep my eggs in a container on the kitchen worktop but since kids have flown (quite a while ago), and less are used, I stick them in the fridge. It doesn't hurt eggs to go in the fridge but if you are going to cook boiled eggs, it's best to take them out for a while so they reach room temperature before cooking.

It's good that you don't live together and please don't think of setting up home with this man unless you can iron out any niggles. What you can do in the meantime, while you make up your mind, is be clear that in your home, things are done your way - and when you go to his don't change anything even if you hate it. Then work out what you want long term from this relationship, if anything.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 23/05/2021 15:21

You ended a relationship because he didn't leave your chocolate out of the fridge?!?

I would imagine that she ended the relationship because he didn't think that she had the right to make her own decisions about her own possessions. He was treating her as a subset of himself, not an autonomous, independent adult.

Like the £1 test transaction that criminals often do to see if their clone of your credit card will work, if it doesn't get caught they'll go ahead with major transactions. That minor just-eggs or just-chocolate ignoring of a woman's decision could well be the test to see if the woman is going to be controllable in a more insidious way.

nighttimeflowers · 23/05/2021 15:22

@BadEyeBri

Why does it matter so much to either of you? It's eggs.
Its not about eggs.
Naunet · 23/05/2021 15:22

Would the people defending him be happy if their MIL did this every time she came to your house? Moving something each time and pretending she didn’t remember you telling her you wanted it kept where it was?

namechangingforthis19586 · 23/05/2021 15:22

multivac

No, but then I'm not yelling at someone with 'stupid eyebrowless eyes' who cherishes hopes of moving in with me. If the tables were turned and the OP was describing her experiences, many would be advising her that she's controlling and abusive. I merely wondered why she was wasting his time.

AlmostSummer21 · 23/05/2021 15:24

@Bluntness100

Um ok, seems the relationship isn’t working as this is petty as fuck
No it's not!

And you know it.

MilduraS · 23/05/2021 15:24

@FusionChefGeoff The point I was making with the tomatoes was that my DH and I have a similar dispute. Hasn't stopped us marrying, living together and generally enjoying each other's company. A lot of people seem to love labelling things as "controlling" "a red flag" or "gaslighting". Sometimes it's just a difference of opinion and habit. The fake confusion is annoying but so was my DH telling me he wasn't confused at all and I'm just wrong.

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