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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think Harry/Meghan are coming out of this worse than the Royal Family?

1000 replies

Bassarid · 23/05/2021 06:01

Is it just me?

OP posts:
Puttingouthefirewithgasoline · 23/05/2021 11:08

Proud boomer, that's interesting re Earl Spencer not allowing Diana back Shock I didn't know that. Poor Diana, pushed and rejected her whole life. Pushed from pillar to post.

MagnoliaBeige · 23/05/2021 11:09

@SilverGlitterBaubles

It's such a shame that Harry cannot see that nothing good came of his mother's public discussions about her marriage and the Royal family, it just fed the media frenzy who cashed in on her pain. He is making the same mistakes.
I agree with this. Absolutely have the conversations that you feel are going to help you process your feelings but doing it via the media is not the healthy way to do it. No-one involved is going to come out of this with the peace/resolution/closure that is needed to truly heal and move on.
ChicChaos · 23/05/2021 11:09

Many families have a 'Harry' in them - ours does. I recognise so many of the things my relative (who suffers from mental health issues) does in what Harry is doing now. The absolute conviction that your take on any issue is the right one (it's not), the permanent victim mentality, people are not helpful unless they are doing EXACTLY what you want. The lack of personal responsibility, everything is someone else's fault (look out Oprah in the years ahead!).

Oprah probably regrets her involvement already as she is not coming out of it well either.

William always hated that interview his mother did, I thought he used some quite pointed comments by mentioning paranoia and isolation, which could also be aimed at Harry tbh.

No-one wants to see the kind of public meltdown that Harry is having at the moment. No-one is benefitting from this, least of all Harry - he's the one who is coming off worst IMO. I hope he finds the help he needs.

Puttingouthefirewithgasoline · 23/05/2021 11:12

Chic, well, the Harry in every family must have been treated brutally then and perhaps they need some slack cutting?

ncgy · 23/05/2021 11:14

well prince andrew is not trashing them 20/7 on tv shows is he now ?

a) why would he need to trash them?
b) why is that relevant in relation to what he did?

RubyViolet · 23/05/2021 11:15

@ncgy

Most people just think Andrew is a nasty pompous man with dubious sexual proclivities. They have no interest in him.

That still doesn't explain why Harry's "behaviour" is more damaging to the RF?

It seems nobody really likes Prince Andrew, but he hasn’t been found guilty of any crime. We can point the finger at his abhorrent attitude and dubious behaviour, but until he’s found guilty he’s just another pompous entitled man. I would be happy to never see him in public again even if he is found innocent.
Lucaslucas1612 · 23/05/2021 11:18

@Bluntness100

i think PH is genuinely coming from a good place with this, obviously I can only guess at his motivation but looking at it through his own eyes I think he genuinely thinks he's on a crusade to help improve awareness of mental health

How can you come to this conclusion? He is talking nothing about mental health, nothing about his therapy, his treatments, his recovery, impacts on his actions etc. It’s given a passing nod. He’s talking about his family. And trash talking them all too. How his dad was a shit parent, how the queen was, how they didn’t get supported. It’s nothing about mental health. Labelling it as mental health doesn’t change what it is.

Yes, as I said he certainly would be better coming at it in a different way and putting his own funds or raising money for better services. Talking about the best services and giving help and advice from professionals rather than other celebrities .

But, I think in his mind he's speaking out and If someone like him can speak out it will make others feel they can to. I think he wants to use this as a way he can be relatable. He's getting other celebrities to speak out to try a d show its wide spread and even famous and rich people have issues kind of thing. If I can speak out you can too, let's take the stigma away. I can only guess this is his thought process. I don't think there's another motivation. But yes, once again his eyes are closed to reading the room.

YanTanTethera123 · 23/05/2021 11:18

AIMummy
I think the RF shot themselves in the foot by stripping titles away from H&M simply because they stepped away from a very toxic situation especially the military one that he actually earned as that limited their earning options. They should have found new roles for them abroad, yes I know it's not following tradition but you have to adapt to new challenges and look at the long game. It was very short sighted. I think they were advised very poorly

They were given the roles of Commonwealth Youth Ambassadors I believe, which was for them to challenge, develop and expand the roles as they wished. This would have enabled them to live and/or travel.
They either didn’t want it or wanted to dip in and out as suited them.

milveycrohn · 23/05/2021 11:19

I am not sure in what way Meghan was treated badly by the Royal Family, as we have not heard their side, and only have her word that someone said somethig about Archie's skin colour (which was apparently said to Harry, not her).
Their main gripe seems to be the bad press, which they seem to think the palace should have controlled. In some cases the palace were able to manage the press, but they cannot control social media, and bad comments below the line.
Their other gripe is that no one helped with Meghan's mental health, which I still think is pretty weird, if Harry was having therapy (he said he had therapy for many years). And why did she not ask the medical doctors, or medical staff she saw when she was pregnant. There is something rather weird about this, as both Harry and William have confessed to therapy, so not sure why Meghan (or Harry on her behalf) was not able to access any.
Harry's main criticisms are for his father Prince Charles, and for Charles' parents, but apart from anything else, parenting styles will have changed over the generations.
Gosh, as a MIL, I am Soooo careful what I say to my DIL, who comes from a different culture to me. Different culture and different generation, so many things change during that time.
To me, Harry's continual comments, come across, as spiteful, because Charles stopped funding him.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 23/05/2021 11:20

diana may have died when he was young but no one can say he had a normal mother son upbringing

MorrisZapp · 23/05/2021 11:20

Oh Harry. Do this in private. I have so much sympathy for what he went through as a child, even before losing his mum he was living in a goldfish bowl.

I believe he's a decent man, not hugely intelligent or intuitive but devoted to his family. He has the means to provide for them without turning a new generation into tabloid fodder. Playing this out so publicly can only create more hype, more attention, more criticism and round and round it goes.

ncgy · 23/05/2021 11:21

It seems nobody really likes Prince Andrew, but he hasn’t been found guilty of any crime.

Nor has Harry, I'm just questioning why Harry's behaviour is seen as more damaging & embarrassing.

Proudboomer · 23/05/2021 11:22

@Puttingouthefirewithgasoline

Proud boomer, that's interesting re Earl Spencer not allowing Diana back Shock I didn't know that. Poor Diana, pushed and rejected her whole life. Pushed from pillar to post.
Paul Burrell had handwritten letters in his possession that he probably stole from Diana in which Earl spencer was going to let her live in what was called the garden house at althorpe he then changed his mind and withdrew his offer. Diana ended up being given an apartment at Kensington as part of her divorce settlement as none of her family offered her a home.

They all shed crocodile tears when she died but wanted no part of her when she was alive.

Bluntness100 · 23/05/2021 11:22

Oprah probably regrets her involvement already as she is not coming out of it well either

Oprah said she was surprised they went all the way there and made the claims they did. If you watch her carefully during the interviews, you can see she’s giving them thr platform but there is a certain look of “wtf are you doing” ans some disbelief, on her face. I strongly suspect her private thoughts on the pair of them are not as positive as they’d like to think.

Puttingouthefirewithgasoline · 23/05/2021 11:25

Milvey I'm not sure either re how Megan has been treated badly.

But if it's true that the wedding story about making someone cry was not corrected, one can see the tip of the iceberg agaisnt them.
They wouldn't correct it because Kate is now their precious asset as future queen, but Megan could be thrown under the bus.

What can they do? The Palace can't have the future queen sounding mean, Kate herself can't correct this, Megan is left feeling un supported and frustrated and over all they are all supposed to fall in because they all benefit from being royal.

I guess m and h felt in thier position they didn't benefit enough? The negatives out weighed the positives.

Then all that dreadful stuff from her sister and dad on top.. It's no wonder she felt cornered and the what should be the happiest time in her life becoming the most awful.

Puttingouthefirewithgasoline · 23/05/2021 11:27

Proud, wow.

I didn't know that.

Utter bastards and that includes Paul burrel, I cringe every time he's on TV.

ncgy · 23/05/2021 11:28

@Puttingouthefirewithgasoline that's how I see it.

Bluntness100 · 23/05/2021 11:30

Diana was a multi millionaire. She didn’t need anyone to provide a home, she was not some skint person. She could afford to spend literal millions and millions on a home

LittleBearPad · 23/05/2021 11:31

But if it's true that the wedding story about making someone cry was not corrected, one can see the tip of the iceberg agaisnt them.
They wouldn't correct it because Kate is now their precious asset as future queen, but Megan could be thrown under the bus.

It’s such an inconsequential story - pre-wedding and post-natal SILs upset one another. It’s not worth the fuss Meghan made of it in the interview. The RF’s approach is don’t comment and the story will go away. It works generally too

ohforarainyday · 23/05/2021 11:31

The Firm is utterly toxic and corrupt. Nothing Harry or Meghan do as individuals can possibly compare to institutional corruption that treats immediate family and children as disposable tools to prop up an institution.

The entire system exists to support the Monarch and the Heir at all costs - everyone else is dispensable - and the RF exist in an uneasy alliance with the British tabloid press (Buckingham Palace regularly giving secret unlisted parties just for tabloid editors) where they have an unspoken agreement to cooperate with the tabloids.

The real scandal has nothing to do with one basically unimportant whiner going on a podcast to talk about his mental health issues, but corruption that goes to the very deepest parts of how our country is run, which is basically government corruption and the lack of a free press. The RF exist as a prong of the corrupt relationship between the press and the government.

For example, when Matt Hancock was found guilty, the BRF released some trivial story about Harry and Meghan, and the obedient Tory press made sure that story was the one plastered all over the front pages, and not Matt Hancock. Clearly a major British MP who is directly responsible for the UK's COVID response being found guilty of breaking the law and engaging in corruption that killed thousands is a FAR more important news story than "some random celeb kid mouthed off again". It's sheer corruption and proof we have no free press. The BFR were asked to provide a distraction and obediently provided one, and the Tory press agreed to downplay the Matt Hancock story in exchange for being given the splashy royal story instead. That's the deal. That's always the deal.

It's a fact that the RF have given negative stories about Harry to the press in exchange for covering up negative stories about William literally since Harry was an underage teenager. Multiple journalists have confirmed it. The Spare exists only to support the Heir and that means being a sacrificial lamb when needed.

The entire reason the BRF launched such a smear campaign against Harry and Meghan in the first place was to sweeten the press and keep the press on their good side, after William's overly aggressive behaviour and extreme legal threats to cover up his (alleged) affair with Rose Hanbury and prevent the British press from covering it.

The BRF DO have the power to muzzle the press when they want to. Look at the Queen publicly complaining about Sophie's treatment after Sophie tried to sell access to royals - she literally issued a press release asking the press to leave Sophie alone. Look at Kensington Palace issuing official press denials and complaints over stories about Kate's hair and beauty treatments, and the extreme rage and legal threats KP issued over the Kate-bashing Tatler article (threats that resulted in only one paragraph being removed, a paragraph about Rose Hanbury). Look how the Queen made a public show of support for Andrew, and how other scandals (Kate being exposed as never having visited several of her patronages even once since she became patron, royals breaking Covid rules, Beatrice starting a relationship with a man right after he dumped his fiancee who's just given birth leaving her homeless) have been kept out of the press.

Look at the corruption within the Palace. The Palace forced Dan Wootton's BEST FRIEND SINCE SCHOOL Jason Knauf onto Meghan as her press secretary. Jason Knauf was leaking private information to the tabloids about her the entire time, he's the one who gave the Thomas Markle letter to the press and lied that he'd co-written it (had to do an about face at the last minute to avoid perjury) and he's the one who faked the bullying allegations. He also hired his best friend Melissa Touabti for a role she'd never done before, she was fired for gross misconduct (Harry set a trap to find who was leaking, it turned out to be Melissa, and it was later discovered she'd lied on her CV) and despite being fired she immediately walked into a plum job as nanny for a Tory billionaire whose sister is a Daily Mail journalist.

Meanwhile Jason Knauf is rewarded for stabbing his employers in the back and regularly breaking his NDA by being given the plum 'top job' as CEO literally running William and Kate's entire foundation. Which strongly indicates the BRF knew and instructed him to spy on Meghan and to leak damaging info about her to the press, because Royal staff have to sign watertight NDAs - breaking an NDA by leaking private royal information is an automatic firing offence. Why would Will and Kate reward a known liar who sells Royal secrets to the press with such a plum promotion, unless he was acting under orders?

Not to mention the regularity with which private conversations (eg Kate and Meghan's argument during the dress fitting) which are leaked to the press - people seem to take it for granted that the tabloids will print this stuff because people treat the BRF as a soap opera, but no one ever questions how exactly the tabloids get this information. Look at the dress fitting argument - someone had to actually phone up a tabloid reporter and say "Meghan and Kate had an argument today" and that someone clearly was not Meghan or anyone on her team. So who was it? What's the name of the Leaker?

What is the name of the person or people who have leaked Harry's every movement to the press for the past three years? It's obviously not anyone on Harry and Meghan's side, because all the leaks have been negative and all the leaks stopped the second they left.

Then there's the fact William and Kate's own press secretary's partner was caught (copies of bank statements published in Byline Times) accepting two payments totalling £4k from a bank account belonging to the Sun, to sell stories about Meghan.

Corruption from top to bottom.

RealhousewifeofStoke · 23/05/2021 11:31

Very convenient cover for Andys antics.
At the end of the day, the media were vile to Meghan from very early on.And the racist tabloid shite readers lapped up the negativity and vitriol. She was thrown to the wolves. She should have been protected and the RF should have spoken up and taken some legal action to stop it. Piers Morgan should have been taken off air months ago but it seems that in this bullshit ‘Bekind’ era, hatred sells. Until the suicides happen and then the # shite starts again. When you look at photos of her at her ‘best’ ( pre Royal days) you can clearly compare to the exhausted/puffy eyed appearance that was so obvious during the worst of the vitriol.
Ican’t believe that William isn’t coming under greater scrutiny and criticism for his statement. So fucking disrespectful and typical of someone who has been brainwashed by the other parent ( and in his case the establishment)

Harry and Meghan are well out of it. I hope now they reevaluate and realise that whatever they do, the racist UK public won’t rest until they’re divorced or one of them is dead. It’s horrific to read the stuff that’s written about them.

ChicChaos · 23/05/2021 11:32

Puttingouthefirewithgasoline

Chic, well, the Harry in every family must have been treated brutally then and perhaps they need some slack cutting?

No brutality at all.

But a lot of families will recognise what Charles and William are going through at the moment. Mental health issues affect the wider family not just the sufferer and the recognition of this may be the unintentional benefit here.

Viviennemary · 23/05/2021 11:32

I think its too early to say. Depends what happens in the next couple of years. Some people have sympathy for them but a lot of people don't.

IrmaFayLear · 23/05/2021 11:33

I agree with @ChicChaos that a lot of families have a “Harry”. Their behaviour ranges from a bit tricky to severely problematic. Everyone has to dance around them or else they blow up. And, because as the old saying goes, “A parent is only as happy as their unhappiest child” they end up making their other dcs lives a misery by trying to appease the angry child. I say child, but they could be 50, and ime therapy only makes things worse and magnifies and fires up all their grievances.

LittleBearPad · 23/05/2021 11:34

For example, when Matt Hancock was found guilty, the BRF released some trivial story about Harry and Meghan, and the obedient Tory press made sure that story was the one plastered all over the front pages, and not Matt Hancock. Clearly a major British MP who is directly responsible for the UK's COVID response being found guilty of breaking the law and engaging in corruption that killed thousands is a FAR more important news story than "some random celeb kid mouthed off again".

What was Matt Hancock found guilty of?

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