How would you punish a 15 year old who told you to piss off?

[Sillawithans]

Stepson lives with me full time, no mother in the picture. Told all 4 children during the week that I wanted them to help around the house this morning and to not make plans.

He came down ready to go at nine, conversation went back and forth for a few mins, he left. I then messaged him and told him he was grounded when he got home and no pocket money for 2 weeks. He then told me to piss off and to get a grip. When I said you're grounded now he said oh ok, but I'm not.

Not gonna lie, I wanted to fucking throttle him.

I've removed his PlayStation, think I'll go for the phone later too, he will be grounded and no pocket money for at least two weeks.

He's turning 16 in June, I ordered him an IPhone just yesterday that he has wanted for a long time and cancelled it this morning, fuck that, now he can piss off. He didn't know about the phone as it was a surprise.

Little shit.

Far too harsh why are you discipline him though where his is father in this? It's a difficult age however I think it should come from his dh not yourself.

Did all your kids get held back because none of them are in the right year at school?

And now you can't hoover the house because it's too big - ok op 😂

@Karwomannghia

You need to deescalate not escalate. You’re being vindictive.

This. You're antagonising him now.

@wildeverose

Did all your kids get held back because none of them are in the right year at school?

And now you can't hoover the house because it's too big - ok op 😂

They are, it's a different school system.

@roguetomato I explained upthread 're English terms.
I am familiar with them as I went to school there

Does he have SEN? You’re saying he’s never managed to catch up with the children in his age group at school. I call bs

@wildeverose lol, you missed the point.

Maybe he's angry because he's going to be at school until he's 30, given the information you provided to what year he's in

Can’t understand why he has to stay in at the weekend to do jobs

The trouble with escalating like this is that you rapidly run out of places to go. Talking about punishment in relation to a 16 year old is the wrong context. And communicating by text really doesn’t work.

He needs to understand that actions have consequences and it needs to be clear what those consequences are in advance. If it were me I’d have an adult conversation, clear the decks of all those punishments and start again with a clean slate. You could try negotiating instead of dictating.

Also agree with pp you seem to be enjoying the punishing aspect and it'll blow up in your face. Given how rough this past year has been for kids in particular, you need to cut him some slack.

@KittyKatChonky no, he's never really caught up fully. He's below average, gets extra help with maths and English in a smaller group. When I first started doing his homework with him I couldn't believe the level he was at. He was really struggling and couldn't do very basic Maths. I contacted his school, met with his Teacher and the head and we came up with a plan to help him catch up. I'm not all bad

Can’t believe some
Of the comments on here.
No wonder today’s teenagers are entitled pandered-to little shits.

@Miasicarisatia

Nice work, he hates you now

So she should put up with shit from the foul mouthed little lout because she doesn't want to offend the dear little diddums?

OP. Make sure he sees the cancelled receipt for the iPhone.

He will be in school forever if he does GCSE’s instead of a leaving certificate.

@wildeverose absolutely not enjoying the punishing aspect but I won't be told to piss off without consequences. This past year has been tough for everyone hasn't it really, too be honest he's had a great year, his words.

@hparkins in Ireland year 8 is called second year. I said year 8 as second year is primary school. We call that second class. Just trying to make it easier to understand so I said year 8

So the reason he's not taking his GCSEs this summer is not because he's in "year 8" but because you're in Ireland??

It's the unwritten law on Mumsnet that step children are never ever punished or reprimanded by the step mother (who is on a par with Cruella da ville) however vile their behaviour is to them. They are only allowed to punish their own children.

I am a strict parent.... My son would face the consequences if he disrespected me but you have taken everything off him.... it's overkill.
You seem to have reacted out of anger and frustration which I get but maybe have a frank discussion when he gets home about expectations and give him regular jobs to do around the house.
Taking his birthday present off him seems a bit spiteful... he's human and made a mistake like we all do... cut him some slack.

@Foxhasbigsocks he doesn't. I just wanted everyone to help out for 1 hour. He had no plans, he's usually in bed until 3. This is the first time they've been asked to help as kitchen and hall are being tiles so dust everywhere. They only had to help with small jobs, they were doing the chimney or anything.

Good grief talk about an overreaction! I have a 16 year old, he’s in Y11 so same age. He is incredibly stressed at the moment with the sheer volume of exams they are having to do so I imagine your step son is the same. He also told me to “fuck off” and leave him alone the other day (completely out of character as he is normally lovely). Rather than removing his phone and his Xbox, I gave him a huge hug and told him how much I loved him.

Honestly cut him some slack. He is leaving school in the middle of a pandemic, with no real mum on the scene. I imagine he feels throughly stressed, confused and fed up. If I was a Y11 at the moment I’d probably be tempted to do a whole lot more than tell someone to piss off. He needs love and support, not punishment.

[quote Paperreceipt]**@hparkins in Ireland year 8 is called second year. I said year 8 as second year is primary school. We call that second class. Just trying to make it easier to understand so I said year 8

So the reason he's not taking his GCSEs this summer is not because he's in "year 8" but because you're in Ireland??[/quote]
GCSE equivalents are taken at 16 in Ireland.

@Misseasteregg

Can’t believe some Of the comments on here. No wonder today’s teenagers are entitled pandered-to little shits.

To be fair, the older generation is as rude and entitled if not worse. Having had a baby with colic, I lost count on how many comments I got from older people. "Kids shouldn't have kids" I was 25. "They'd have had a good wallop in my day" - she was 8 weeks old. "Kids today just left to do what they like" "Lazy parenting "

Not to mention the amount who push into lines with no fucks given.

Teens don't really stand a chance do they, everyone's already decided they're a nightmare without knowing them at all.

Each to their own but I'm not sure it's awful to expect a teen child to help out in the house for a morning. It may seem old fashioned but I think it teaches respect for the house and appreciation of what OP and dad presumably do every day.

Why should a mother have to be a martyr. Nothing wrong with expecting everyone to contribute within reason to their age and capability.

Anecdotal I know, but I was never allowed out on a weekend without having completed an hour of cleaning each morning with my mum or dad, and an hour of reading. I'm late 20's. Yes I didn't enjoy it but it did teach me how to manage a house and to have priorities and discipline in terms of completing boring tasks first. I don't resent my mum or dad for it. Everyone in the household had to help in some way.

Oh and I certainly wouldn't be hugging my child if he told me to fuck off!!