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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there are some really unkind and judgemental people on mumsnet

154 replies

Kaylasmum49 · 22/05/2021 10:48

Mostly when I've posted on here I have had kind and understanding replies but almost every time there are some really nasty and ridiculing posts directed at me.

I joined mumsnet around 20 years ago and honestly people were generally kinder back then. What's happened to make some people so unkind?

OP posts:
Oblomov21 · 22/05/2021 10:52

Yep.
Same. It has changed a lot in the last 20 years though and that has to be expected.
But saying that some of the drivel posted and anxiety ridden crap that some posters post needs a strong response.

BinocularVision · 22/05/2021 10:52

I’ve been here for ten years and it’s the same in tenor as it’s always been in my experience.

OrangeRug · 22/05/2021 10:54

I think the aibu board in particular is very vicious. You're right that there are a lot of judgey people. I was very surprised at some of the responses on the only fans thread.

ElderMillennial · 22/05/2021 10:57

Yes they can be. I think some people don't realise they can express an opinion without being rude. Then again some people post to ask opinions and then don't like it if people don't agree with them.

UCOinanOCG · 22/05/2021 10:57

It has always been thus. Some people seems to enjoy hiding behind their anonymity in order to rip into people. There is just no need. Points can be made firmly and people can disagree without resorting to nastiness.

AndromedaGal · 22/05/2021 10:58

People can be keyboard warriors as they’re anonymous. Some people are full of wisdom & kindness, others are full of anger & spite. Some people have had a bad time & want everyone else to pay for it. Some people just don’t care what they put out there. Some are keen to help. Some are having a bad day & can’t see beyond their noses.

It’s just people

EssentialHummus · 22/05/2021 11:00

They can be. And I think there’s sometimes a bit of group stupidity, where one person after another fixates on some minor thing and the poor OP is left wondering what on earth their Laura Ashley gear has to do with their husband’s affair, or whatever. But I agree with a pp that some posters need the truth plated up.

lockdownalli · 22/05/2021 11:04

I once (about ten years ago) had a really vicious comment about me "playing the cancer card" which left me absolutely devastated. I couldn't believe that poster (who has since name changed or fucked off) could say such a thing and think it was OK.

However, I see fewer comments like that now.

RosaBudDrood · 22/05/2021 11:05

Keyboard warriors. None of them would be half as bolshy in real life Grin

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/05/2021 11:07

You seem to get some on every forum - know-alls, people who feel themselves to be superior and know what’s best for people they’ve never met, plus those who just enjoy having a nasty, safely anonymous go at other people - saying things they’d very likely never dare to say in RL, though I dare say a minority are unpleasant in RL, too.

None of them are honestly worth a moment of your concern, let alone upsetting yourself. Just ignore, or block.

Howshouldibehave · 22/05/2021 11:07

One of the first posts I ever read on here many years ago was from someone asking what’s happened to MN as it used to be so supportive and is now just bitchy! I don’t think it’s any different to then!

HotSauceCommittee · 22/05/2021 11:10

Those people are even less happy that those they are berating for airing their problems on MN.
Remember that and just pay attention to the well meaning posters. Robust is fine when it comes from a good place; I'm talking about the other ones.

MrsLion · 22/05/2021 11:11

Yes there are.

Cactusesi · 22/05/2021 11:12

AIBU is asking for judgement.

howsicklyarsekissy · 22/05/2021 11:14

I have been on & off here for 18 years. It's definitely got worse (especially the last year like all forums) & I often don't post when I want to for fear of been eaten alive. But I have Learnt so much from others on here. I didn't have the best upbringing or education and have had some brilliant advice from it that helped me with my kids/divorce/career/life

Reallybadidea · 22/05/2021 11:15

I've been on MN for about 18 years. I noticed a big difference when the AIBU board was introduced. Seemed to attract those who liked to be as nasty as possible - anonymously of course. Unfortunately this seemed to spill over into other boards and the whole atmosphere of the site changed gradually but distinctly.

tattleandbagels · 22/05/2021 11:21

@Howshouldibehave

One of the first posts I ever read on here many years ago was from someone asking what’s happened to MN as it used to be so supportive and is now just bitchy! I don’t think it’s any different to then!
exactly!

it also goes both ways: some people are nasty, but some posters get offended and take everything very personally.

Say you write that you "don't like chocolate", you are sure to attract a few angry replies about being judgemental, a fat-shamer, an arrogant and deluded liar and how-dare-you-insulting-women. Confused

I do like chocolate as it happens, but the level of drama is sometimes astonishing. That's what makes MN a good entertaining site I guess.

Original poster
Kaylasmum49 · 22/05/2021 11:44

Oblomov21 (anxiety ridden crap) I find that comment offensive! I have lived with anxiety all my life and in the last 20 years after the death of my father and having PND it has been 100% worse to the point of affecting every aspect of my life.

If someone's post is fuelled by anxiety why would anyone feel the need to be unkind?

OP posts:
tattleandbagels · 22/05/2021 11:53

SOME posters think they own the place and have a right to dictate what goes on here, first reply being a beautiful example.

Thanks to the name changes, we have got rid of the self-proclaimed "MN royalties" but you still have a few who spend far too much time on here (as we all) but confuse their opinion with actual facts or rules.

OverByYer · 22/05/2021 11:56

I joined about 18 years ago and I agree. There are some really quite vicious posters who only seem to be here to start a pile on. They do seem in the minority but a vociferous one.

FourTeaFallOut · 22/05/2021 12:01

I don't know about your particular posts but I do know some people expect the be kind plaster to stretch an awfully long way on this board.

araiwa · 22/05/2021 12:05

Mumsnet is more than aibu

But now most posts are only on this sub so of course it's more tetchy than whatever specific sub you should have been posting on

3scape · 22/05/2021 12:08

It's just the internet and people being their true hostile selves rather than the fake nice version they are in RL. I find it very useful to get to how people really think.

tattleandbagels · 22/05/2021 12:18

@3scape

It's just the internet and people being their true hostile selves rather than the fake nice version they are in RL. I find it very useful to get to how people really think.
true, in real life you do have to be polite and diplomatic. No one can be honest at work, can they.

But there are also posters with very unhealthy and messed-up relationships - in the wider sense - who are just more negative than the average.

As an example, I don't know many people in real life who hate weddings and wedding abroad as much as posters on MN, or people who hate staying or having friends over.

grapewine · 22/05/2021 12:23

@FourTeaFallOut

I don't know about your particular posts but I do know some people expect the be kind plaster to stretch an awfully long way on this board.
Agree.

If people post in AIBU, then they will be told whether they are or not.

Some OPs are seriously goady as well.