To think there are some really unkind and judgemental people on mumsnet

[Kaylasmum49]

Mostly when I've posted on here I have had kind and understanding replies but almost every time there are some really nasty and ridiculing posts directed at me.

I joined mumsnet around 20 years ago and honestly people were generally kinder back then. What's happened to make some people so unkind?

Yes indeed SecretWitch

I think MN used to be more cliquey when there were fewer posters

If they rounded up on you it was hard not to take it personally

And this type of thread any mention of the word clique they would be out in force

You have some rude and unpleasant people on here who just jump on ANYone and start being nasty, when all they need is help and support.

Then you have the muppets who ask 'AIBU?' who start getting sniffy, when some posters say yes, by saying the ones disagreeing are nasty bitches, whilst giving a list of reasons why she's right, and they're all wrong.

This meme I am putting a pic of ^ is SOOOOOOOOO mumsnet though.

As a few posters have said though, I don't think it's any worse than it used to be. I think people forget that some people on message forums have been nasty, judgy, spiteful, and condescending for YEARS. (Including here on mumsnet.)

I used to be on ivillage, and loose women chat forum, and also imdb, moneysavingexpert, and a chat forum of my favourite film star .. I am talking around 15 to 20 years ago for ivillage, 10 years or so since the Loose Women board, and 7 to 10 years since I was on imbd, moneysavingexpert, and my favourite fim star forum,...

And there were nasty, rude, condescending judgy, spiteful posters on there even back then...

It's always been the same on message forums (and social media.) As has been said, I think people feel safe behind their anonymity, and say things they would never say to someone's face. You also get judgy, spiteful, bitchy posters on twitter, and reddit, and facebook, and instagram, and different fan boards for various celebrities.

It's always been this way, and it always will be.

I've been on MN for 300 years (I don't know why we have to say this but I win).

I'm not sure people have gotten worse it's just that we've expanded with more topics, more users and......AIBU! So there's more nastiness (as well as goodness) to see.

Interestingly this thread topic comes up regularly here and I noticed most people who complain about the nastiness usually hang out on aibu or the controversial topics. It's like being a fan of or binge-watching the real housewives and complaining about drama on TV.

Anyway, I had someone once accuse me of hijacking their post when I only replied them as a show of solidarity, as they'd complained no one ever responds to them. It just happened that the OP responded to my post and not theirs, through no fault of mine. I still apologised and said I didn't mean to hijack it and didn't know the OP would respond to mine, not theirs. I also made a lighthearted comment to ease the tension (it was a lighthearted thread) because it was odd that i was somehow at fault for getting a reply they should have gotten apparently. Anyway, the poster ignored me but they're here now handwringing and being all sad that people can be such meanies to others. Well...I hope we can start with ourselves.

Yeah, I've noticed this quite a bit recently.

For example on the thread about people saying they were struggling with the weather, people coming on to the thread just to say - well I don't know why you're struggling, get over it, etc - with nothing constructive to add.

A lot of it seems to be failing to understand that people are different.

I wonder if with the pandemic people are fed up and more likely to be a bit mean.

@tattleandbagels

Same for not being capable of wearing a face mask

blame the government. Anyone can decide to refuse a mask, and it has been abused, so everybody is put into the same bag, especially since people have realised that masks protect others, not yourself.

When you see primary school kids and women in labour having to wear one, people's sympathy wears thin.

Without any proof that you have a valid reason, and no way to get a proof, you are stuck.

Oh I do blame the government. But the fact is it was very well publicised that proof other than "self certify" wasn't to be allowed so the NHS wasn't overwhelmed.

Your sympathy may wear thin after seeing that but imagine being terminally ill (prematurely after your treatment was indefinitely stopped) seeing the staff in your GP surgery (admin and medical staff) and local hospital refusing to wear face masks in public including shops claiming to be "exempt", demanding money off and being served first, when they've closed the surgery indefinitely to everyone not wearing a mask, including you with a terminal illness because, and I quote from my complaint "the risk is too great".

Thin is an understatement.

So I get it.

But I don't go around abusing people because of it.

That reads a bit blunt, sorry, oh for an edit button!!

Mumsnet ,fb or real life you will always find groups of mean girls of all ages .
Also people often exaggerate lifestyles online and are brave to say or say they do things that in real life they wouldn't .
I take most things with a massive pinch of salt .

@OhWhyNot

I think MN used to be more cliquey when there were fewer posters

If they rounded up on you it was hard not to take it personally

And this type of thread any mention of the word clique they would be out in force

Ain't that the truth. I've also been here since 2004 and notice there's much less "cliquey" stuff, and thank fuck not many people recognise the self-styled queen of the world when she pops back to give us lessons on our shoes, but I'd agree the nastiness has increased. It seems particularly prevalent among posters supporting an OP who has been told roundly they are BU.

"It's always been the same on message forums (and social media.) As has been said, I think people feel safe behind their anonymity, and say things they would never say to someone's face. You also get judgy, spiteful, bitchy posters on twitter, and reddit, and facebook, and instagram, and different fan boards for various celebrities."

For me some of the comments online upset me more than comments in person. In person it tends to all get sorted out there and then.

I just think people should think before they speak.

Or maybe they simply don't care.

Becca19962014

I know a couple of people who started wearing visors - totally useless, but were enough to prevent any abuse or just questions.

@tattleandbagels I couldn't wear those because of my joint disorder effecting my skull and jaw meaning it was agony for me, but yes some people have done this just to stop the problems, which is sad really.

I agree with the humour thing. It's quite rare now to be able to have a funny thread, ( a truly funny one, not Penis Beaker and such like).
You do have to take a lot of it with a massive pinch of salt, it's a Talk Forum on the internet.
Hide topics, hide threads, get out of AIBU etc

Yes there were some really funny threads

I don’t remember penis beaker maybe I was having a break of course I’ve heard of it

Still funniest for me is the poster who didn’t have her bikini bottoms on and her partners reaction

There have been some hilarious threads where everyone's watching the same tv programme. The BGT threads are really funny.
One of the best nights was the opening of the 2012 Olympics, very very funny threads, everyone joining in.

I don't know whether you'd get that now, I guess the fun police would arrive at some point and say something

Yabu to have just noticed!

ohwhynot You didn't miss anything with penis beaker, I didn't get what was funny at all.

It can be exceptionally nasty. Which is why AIBU is best avoided if you are feeling fragile.

But it ain’t new.

@Ihopeyourcakeisshit

ohwhynot You didn't miss anything with penis beaker, I didn't get what was funny at all.

Me neither. And it's in Classics. Classic made up story.

Geamhradh
She was never funny, just a spiteful, judgemental bitch with an idiot group of hangers on.

Recently I've noticed some threads its like blood in the water attracting sharks and there is a hell of a pile on mostly uncalled for

@IHaveBrilloHair

Geamhradh She was never funny, just a spiteful, judgemental bitch with an idiot group of hangers on.

True dat. She's back btw. I hid one of her vile slagging off other women's clothing choices threads the other day. What is funny is she presumably thinks she's under the radar with her constant namechanges, but as nobody else has the energy to get that worked up about where other women buy their skirts, she's immediately noticeable.

I hate the posts that just focus on grammatical errors made by the op or those where one poster will focus on some obscure detail of a post rather than the main issue the op has posted about. The next 10 responses will follow like sheep. I try to leave constructive advice wherever possible but I do find posts frustrating where practically every response tells the op they are unreasonable but they still can't see it. They will the argue to the point of rudeness and call out people who were only trying to help. Why on earth post in aibu if you can't possibly accept that you have been unreasonable? I also find posts frustrating where the op behaves like a martyr and despite the advice given continues down that that same thread and then pops up in a few months still claiming that the dh is useless but yet they are expecting another child. At some point you just end up thinking, for the love of God help yourself!

OP, I would suggest three or four things:

Fast broadband, so you can respond quicker before you have had a chance to think or calm down.

Other social media sites taking no real action against hatred, and whilst this forum does against the really nasty things, lower level nastiness is still going to get through.

The impact of austerity and especially Brexit which has divided the UK more than ever.

Being encouraged to talk about feelings etc, which has an upside but often a downside to others.

I think lot comes from people being fed up of trolls and then quiet a few overly dramatised posts when it's quite unclear whether it's troll, but it's so ott that it must be.

The wet posts as pp mentioned.

Some posts are super fun. There were some good lighthearted ones, though obviously some people have bit of a comprehension issue and don't understand what light hearted means so attempt to ruin it. That's sad.

Super long running threads turning up to be made up trolls. Sometimes though backed up by MNHW before it's found out by slip ups by the writer.

Many people became cynical and don't believe half of what's written here. Imho, quite understandably.