To think there are some really unkind and judgemental people on mumsnet

[Kaylasmum49]

Mostly when I've posted on here I have had kind and understanding replies but almost every time there are some really nasty and ridiculing posts directed at me.

I joined mumsnet around 20 years ago and honestly people were generally kinder back then. What's happened to make some people so unkind?

It’s difficult. Some OPs are baiting in themselves.
Some OPs are confusing and muddled. You have to ask questions because further info is needed to establish what the problem is. But if you do ask a question that looks to some like troll hunting.
Then the huge drip feed drops.

I think there should be a double check ‘do you really want to create this thread? ’ button. Does it contain all relevant information needed?

Well yes and there’s nothing wrong with sorry op, do you mean your husband? if someone is genuinely confused.

What I mean though is when people deliberately misunderstand a post to try to wind up. Usually with lots of and

Oh god not ‘all relevant information’ - that’s why we end up with OPs longer than the complete works of Shakespeare because they don’t want to be accused of drip feeding!

I joined 15, nearly 16 years ago now and posted more frequently.
As time has passed I've lurked more and now my children are older and I have more time I post a bit more. I also have had lots of advice and learned a lot.

Sadly it does seem overall quite a scary place now. The amounts of posts I type out for 10 minutes and then just delete without posting is insane

@Babymeanswashing

Oh god not ‘all relevant information’ - that’s why we end up with OPs longer than the complete works of Shakespeare because they don’t want to be accused of drip feeding!

I would rather read a long thread with all the info than pages of questions because there is literally nothing to go on. It’s irritating when it takes three pages of questions before you actually have any idea of the problem. But lots of posters don’t want to read long posts on here.

There are definitely a couple of ‘I tell it like it is’ brigade.

They are usually bullies who get extremely defensive if you challenge them in any way.

They are not nice people and are best ignored.

You get that everywhere. I know a few ‘tell it like it is’ people in RL.
At least on here you can hide the thread/shut the laptop and they’re gone.

Given some of the horrible stuff posters put on here that either they did, or it was done to them, why is it that shocking that some people are arseholes?

It's naive and slightly childish to expect better behaviour because "this is MumsNet".

There are unkind and cruel heartless people in the world and this is a public forum.

@Geamhradh

I've also been here since 2004 and notice there's much less "cliquey" stuff, and thank fuck not many people recognise the self-styled queen of the world when she pops back to give us lessons on our shoes, but I'd agree the nastiness has increased. It seems particularly prevalent among posters supporting an OP who has been told roundly they are BU.

Ooooh, I am dying to know who this is now!

@Becca19962014

I had a thread made about me, it was horrendous. Not to mention complete lies. MN tore "me" to shreds. I'd even posted on it, ironically asking her to talk to her friend in case they had been misunderstandings.. I found out after they literally threw it at me as proof of what a worthless bitch I am (amongst other things I was called). She was full of glee to tell me she'd been right about me all along.

Despite knowing it wasn't true, I was devastated. I'd trusted her with things I'd told no one and she then turned it into malicious gossip about how I was a pathological liar amongst other things on here and it ran to pages, there was even another thread after she'd confronted me.

I ended the friendship. I only told one person, because they saw me afterwards and I was devastated and they said they'd tell no one and not to worry no one knew it was me and they kept their word. She on the other hand spurred on by her thread(s) told everyone. She kept trying to be my friend all of the time after, phoning, coming round, leaving gifts and cards then bitching about me not taking a hint, trying to "suck her back in". It got to the point where she would slag me off to anyone. BUT I'd told no one, she assumed I had, and the people she was telling this to unlike on MN actually knew me.

She's still here. Posting about me every now and then. I know her username. She told me it was safe to post here as I'm not and never will be a mum so I wouldn't be allowed 🙄

It did teach me though that what people post about others is simply a point of view.

But yes, sometimes these things spill over into real life with real life consequences. Not trolls but others. Also it's one point of view, or in my case a view which was utter rubbish designed to hurt as much as she could.

Whaaaat???

So this person haranguing you on here, knows you in real life?!

@Babymeanswashing

To be honest sparkling it has infiltrated the rest of MN.

There is a bit of a MN ‘game’, where a poster is clearly a bit agitated or stressed and other posters pretend not to understand her (something like ‘I found him cheating, should I throw him out? Ds is watching CBeebies and I don’t want to disturb him, what should I do?’ Then you get a load of and ‘do you mean your husband or your son’ posts, which okay fair enough the poster could have been clearer but it’s still obvious!

Then the posters who are at anything that deviates even slightly from their lives. Why doesn’t the OP go out into the garden? Well, maybe she doesn’t have one. Or a car.

I think baiting the OP should be a bannable offence.

The best was the case of this pretending when it was bunch of racists🤦😂 I am still miffed my post there was deleted!

Yes and many of them reply on here to say how unreasonable we all are for saying so. Please OP, hard as it is, try not to take horrible comments to heart. Says more about the person saying it then you x

@littlepattilou yes, she was grinning like the Cheshire Cat when she gave me the printout of the thread. Like I said I never recognised myself from it and and even posted on it! I'd only been here a couple of years at that point.

I know people mock when it's suggested they might be identifiable and get a thread deleted by it does happen.

Sorry, by = but

Been here for nearly 20 years too. Used to have lovely meet ups and rarely were people rude. Now you get people outwardly accuse you of lying and berating you for choices you've made, there's not the lighthearted discussions there used to be anymore either.

I pretty much stay clear of the forum after 10pm.
And I certainly wouldnt start a thread around that time.

Other than that, I avoid threads where most of the posters on it are not on my wavelength.

And would take anything said on the Relationship Board with a very large pinch of salt.

Other than that, threads are not so bad as they could be, in my opinion.

@oystercatcher44 fully agree her that it reflects changes in society. The lack of empathy now is frankfully horrifying, media outlets have a lot to answer for in this dehumanising process.

@JellyTumble your post made me laugh as I will agree I thought the same. Similarly anyone can take offence at anything they like but it should reach the point that it stops free speech (not hate speech)

YANBU
It's viscous on here sometimes :-(

Theres a culture on some boards where people pride themselves on being 'vipers', which from what I've seen, seems to entail a lot of swearing, sneering and belittling of other women, often in the guise of 'feminism'. ( Because if you're not ok with women being offensive bullies, you've been indoctrinated by the patriarchy to think women always need be nice, apparantly.) Its often aimed at women perceived as younger, or whose posts suggest they may not be as formally educated as others. It's really just immature showing off by people with mean girl fantasies, and I think they are just a vocal minority.

Aibu seems to be the default when it used to be chat.

Pisses me off sometimes and I stay away for a while. A lot of posters seem to have disapoeared
Cutteduppear
Mosp
Friendsofsweetpeas
Getorfmliland
Anyfucker

And a brilliant poster who wrote about affairs, think she was banned for some reason shame as she was very wise.

There does seem to be a bit of an ethos on here that nice means weak, properly gets on my nerves.

Anyfucker is here.

@5128gap

Theres a culture on some boards where people pride themselves on being 'vipers', which from what I've seen, seems to entail a lot of swearing, sneering and belittling of other women, often in the guise of 'feminism'. ( Because if you're not ok with women being offensive bullies, you've been indoctrinated by the patriarchy to think women always need be nice, apparantly.) Its often aimed at women perceived as younger, or whose posts suggest they may not be as formally educated as others. It's really just immature showing off by people with mean girl fantasies, and I think they are just a vocal minority.

But if you are ok with bullies you were also indoctrinated by patriarchy to think that bullying is ok. Honestly. You could fart 7 different ways and each fart could be blamed on patriarchy for different reasons😔 It's actually sometime insulting to women imho how some go on about us basically not being able to think for ourselves because every decision is done become of patriarchy. Like we don't have brains. All of us.

Yes, but no one farts in a vacuum do they?