DD’s friends changing gender at school

[AFS1]

My daughter is in yr 7. In the last month or so an increasing number of her female friends have changed their names to boys’ names and decided they want to be addressed as “he/him”. We’re up to at least 4, including her best friend who she’s known since they were in reception (and has never once demonstrated even the slightest hint of gender dysphoria). My daughter is desperately trying to respect the various requests but is becoming increasingly confused and upset by it all. She feels like she doesn’t really know her friends anymore and that she doesn’t fit in with them.

It very much feels like a phase to me, but it’s really beginning to have an impact on my daughter. It also feels like it’s getting out of hand. WIBU to speak to the school about it all? I don’t really know what they could do, but it just seems that maybe some work needs to be done around this issue.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I’d be really grateful for any advice about what to do and say. Thanks.

I would add that I do know middle-aged lesbians who have experienced so much discrimination that they do wish they had been born male because their life would have been easier.

It's long and it's complicated but the short version here is that my daughter can use whichever pronoun she prefers and be whatever sexuality she wants. We talk a lot about how it's ok to just BE. No gender stereotypes or societal expectations. Just to be.
I did jokingly ask if there were any straight kids left in her year though. There might be 5.

@Grellbunt but teachers should not be treating girls and boys differently anyway.

@ChiefBabySniffer I enthusiastically support my children to dress however they please and to explore clothing/hairstyles/hobbies and be as gender non confirming as they want.

and that is on you, the issues you have caused by being enthusiastically woke has damaged your children. Nothing wrong with being the sex you are. Now how are you going to fix it.

She has asked about breast binders and I've said absolutely not. She's welcome to wear baggy shirts but binding is a no go imo.

Toocold you don't have to answer obv but what's your interest here?

I am just here to tell OP that she shouldn’t be worried as this is quite normal and that her DD is bound to be upset with change but this is a normal age for lots of change.

I am not transphobic nor am I thinking that every Tom boy should take hormone blockers.
I am completely in the middle but I feel a lot of MNs are on the transphobic side.

I used to want to desperately be a boy and cut my hair short but I am glad now that I am female. I work with teens where some identify as trans but you can usually tell the ones that are just going through a phase vs the ones that genuinely feel that way but I don’t see the harm in going along with it if that gives them confidence and helps them in some way. So I’m surprised that so many people seem against this.

[quote astery]@Grellbunt but teachers should not be treating girls and boys differently anyway.[/quote]
Well, yes, other than in terms of single sex spaces of course I agree. But the guidelines often ride roughshod over single sex provision- that's my point.

@nolongersurprised I said about 90% of kids reverting back in my first post.

But of course there is going to be a higher percentage of people being open about being transgender today than there were 30 years ago which is obvious.

My Y9 and her friends all have alternative gender neutral names. Many of them identify as gay. I'm hoping that's enough 'fashion' to keep them happy. She's firmly in the 'acceptance' camp but she does know you can't change sex.
I'd have been a full on transboy at her age. I was a much better male stereotype than a female one.

@Grellbunt and are these girls changing in boys changing rooms? Because I really doubt it.

Certainly hope not but that's often what guidelines say. Hence my query.

It's happening. It's not just names and pronouns.

But shouldn't we be asking why they aren't confident just as they are ?

and are these girls changing in boys changing rooms? Because I really doubt it.

No they’re not.

stonecat
Thank you.
It definitely sounds like your story may have ended differently if you were a teen now.

I’m a teacher and I have volunteered to get involved with diversity week to ensure that the materials that are being used are not from Stonewall or Mermaids. I want to reduce prejudice against LGBT students at my school without encouraging girls to believe they can change sex.

But of course there is going to be a higher percentage of people being open about being transgender today than there were 30 years ago which is obvious.

So, back to my original point, if it’s not a fad or a phase, that’s led to the avalanche of girls presenting as boys - where are those middle aged women now?

@astery has commented that amongst her LGBT community there aren’t middle aged women identifying as men but if there were big they’d be supported.

Your claim that this dramatic increase in presentation merely reflects baseline rates is unsubstantiated. You have no evidence for it.

The big question, therefore, is why are so many girls of this generation wanting to identify as boys?

@nolongersurprised I did not say there are not any, but there are very few. The few women I know who identify as men in middle age are very vulnerable women.

Yes same at my daughters school and next door neighbours dd has changed names so many times depending what gender she identifies with at any particular time. She is currently called the name of a foodstuff and that is what the teachers have to call her.

Ok. Good. Hopefully that goes for the boys too.

stonecat

Thank you so much.
To be honest I have been educated on Twitter by people like the wonderful trans man Scott Newgent.