To be mad at the lie?

[3scape]

My DH has made an auction purchase consisting of a large number of scale models. This is fine, something he's recently got into, hobbies are great. He is very pleased they were significantly under priced. He's cleaned them up and sent off photos he's been taking to sales sites and is definitely on track to make a profit and keep some for himself. All good.

But.

He told me he spent £150. He spent more actually £340. I found out in conversation with a friend who had seen the results of the auction prices. He will still make a profit. He can spend his hobby money how he chooses.

I'm going to have to talk to him about this. He's at work until Sunday.

I am really gutted that he's lied to me in this way. If you can lie about this trivial thing I guess anything might be bullshit? Is that extreme though? Do people lie about hobby costs?

Similar position op. Dh lied about something to do with his hobby. Pissed me off no end.

Sorry to hear that! How did that go? Did he apologise?

And. Yes. I'm very pissed off! I've been slamming around the house since I heard. I've calmed down post school run. Thankfully. But I can feel this grump waiting to be dealt with.

Meh, I think this is kind of trivial really. I’m glad DP doesn’t ask or need to know about how much I spend on my hobbies. I might fib about it if I knew he was going to make a sarcy comment about how much I’d spent.

Make sure the friend hasn’t got the wrong end of the stick, of course.

A lot of women used to have to lie about what they were spending on clothes. It doesn't mean that they would lie about anything else. When I was first married I used to do the same because that's the example that I was given. My husband understood why I'd done it and we got passed it. If you're not controlling then he shouldn't be lying. It just takes a conversation to sort this out.

Not a fan of lying; is there any reason why would he have felt that he had to hide this in the first place?

"I've been slamming around the house since I heard. "

No adult should be subjected to aggression. If this is how you react, I can why he'd lie.

I’d be annoyed, as much as it doesn’t really affect you there’s still no need to lie

If it's his money and it doesn't impact on your families finances, I wouldn't be bothered by this at all.

I was on my own in the house and I'm ok now. I was cheated on by my ex. I operate on utter honesty with my current husband or at least I thought I did. Like I said. If he can lie about this I guess he could be lieing about anything at all.

Liars lie, right? It's literally who they are
I have to wait to ask him about it, and in the meantime I also get to delicately parcel up these models and take them to the post office that may well be the tip of an alarming iceberg of lies. So I'm upset and angry. Not aggressive. Unless you're the stairs.

I couldn't get worked up about it. I told my husband my new driver was £300, it was closer to £500. Its my money, he's not into golf & would tell me it's a waste of money. You should probably stop slamming around the house like a stroppy teenager.

Why did he feel he had to lie ?

Is it his money? Joint money?

I don’t always tell my husband how much my hobby costs but I’m spending my personal money so it’s not really his business.

He has no reason to hide anything. Or at least I thought he didn't. My ex spent all of our savings without mentioning it to me. Maybe I'm scared.

It's all his money. So why lie?

Do you have a temper that he doesn’t want to deal with?

Ok. I'm shocked people lie about hobbies. Maybe it's a thing.

I lie all the time about how much I spend on my pets. But they’re MY pets and it’s MY share of the disposable income after the bills have been paid. I lie because my DH would be extremely irritated about it but as far as I’m concerned it’s none of his business. Likewise I’m aware of how much DH spends on the lottery and his football bets every week. He tells me it’s a fiver here and there when I know it’s £20 every week on the lottery and £5-£10 on the football which to me is just pissing money up the wall. But that’s his money to do what he wants with and I know he’ll point out my animal expenses if I mention it. As long as it hasn’t come out of bill money then I don’t think you can complain.

Did he feel like he had to lie in case you said something about him spending that amount of money?

I lie on a regular basis about how much I spend on clothes, but I don't lie about anything else.

I completely understand why you are annoyed about the lie though.

Err. No. I just hate having to bring up a lie and ask why he didn't want to trust me. Because. Well, it sucks that I'm not somehow worth honesty? I feel very cut out and extremely saddened. I'm angry at myself I suppose for having trusted him so much.

I don't care about the expense, I'm angry that I've been so gullible as to take what he says as the truth. I guess I can't do that anymore.

Sorry the err no was to those suggesting I have a wild temper.

So I shouldn't be upset that he lied because it's just hobby money. Hmmm. I will have to reframe that.

You’re really blowing this out of proportion op. He was embarrassed to tell you how much he spent. EVERYONE has told a white lie at some point in their relationship

I'm with you OP- I'm surprised that people are routinely lying to their partners about this kind of thing. Especially in cases where it's not shared money and the other person isn't affected. Why lie in that case?! I can't think of anything that I would want to buy that would be worth fostering a base line of lies in my relationship,but then I can't imagine a relationship where people routinely belittle each others hobbies either so perhaps it's more common than I thought!!