Page 8 | Is this dress OK?

User72651 · 2021-05-20T20:37:46+00:00

Is this dress OK for my partner's mum to wear to my wedding (mother of the groom)? I just see a long white dress: https://www.shopittome.com/sale/archived/abv6ad8eb88

StCharlotte · 21/05/2021 09:41

One of my friends asked what colour my bridesmaids were wearing months before my wedding. She turned up on the day wearing an outfit the same colour that she had asked someone to make for her.

I recently asked my niece what colour her bridesmaids are wearing. Good thing I did because it's a colour I love and may well have chosen myself. Disaster averted

Original poster

User72651 · 21/05/2021 09:41

@Jessbow

Question- what colour/style would you like her to wear?

You are presumably wearing white

your bridesmaids are wearing yellow

men are presumably wearing dark suits

M in Law tones her outfit to go with/blend with everyone else that might be in small group photo's and you think that will spoil them?

Seriously, what colour would you have prefered her to wear?

Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo or violet would have been fine.

OP posts:

dottiedodah · 21/05/2021 09:44

I personally think its fine .Yes it is white but wih large yellow flowers not likely to be mistaken for the Bride or anything!

Interestedparty132 · 21/05/2021 09:45

OP did you strictly specify to your MIL what colours were acceptable before she got her outfit? And you’d rather have her in red than a colour that will definitely blend in with the rest of the bridal party? That seems very odd.

Alcemeg · 21/05/2021 10:26

I think your MiL is being really clever the colour scheme will look wonderful in group photos, but the flowers are so big that there's no way this could be mistaken for a bridesmaid's dress (if that is the concern? I still don't understand this crazy shit about colours "permitted"). The style of it is also very non-dressy as PPs have commented, almost like a kimono.

It's a lovely dress and she will look lovely in it and the photos will look even better because she won't clash with anyone, etc etc.

The snobbery on here is giving me a nosebleed! 😎

Mummyratbag · 21/05/2021 10:28

I just had a look at my wedding photos. Both Mum and sister in law wearing similar colours to me - it's taken me 14 years to notice

You say "is it OK?" are you worried someone will judge or are you annoyed and want justification? There are no wedding police, no one is going to notice or care. I very much doubt you will care in years to come.

My only bridezilla moment was having bought a wedding dress in Monsoon I realised they had the exact same dress in red and in blue! I thought that was taking the piss (mine was from the bridal section), but there was sweet FA I could do except hope no guests turned up in it.

Have a lovely day, everyone will be looking at you not at anyone else.

shouldistop · 21/05/2021 10:28

I wouldn't choose it for someone else's wedding but wouldn't care if someone wore it to mine.

OrangeRug · 21/05/2021 10:30

I think it's fine. I agree with PP saying accessorise with black or yellow.

Januaryissodull · 21/05/2021 10:37

I think the dress is fine to wear to a wedding.

In all honesty I read a thread like this and I think, presumably you love, and want to be married to this man, her son? What kind of person do you have to be to care what your wedding guests wear?

Why does it matter what your mil wears or if the colour clashes, surely the most important thing is that you're going to be married, that everyone is comfortable and has a nice time.

Peanutbutterandbananatoastie · 21/05/2021 10:38

If it looks like your bridesmaids dresses that’s more of an issue. Is it annoying enough for you to bring up with her though? I wouldn’t be arsed. But then I don’t really care about wedding pictures to be honest. Don’t most people Chuck the album in a draw/loft/garage and never look at them again?

LostInTheLingerieSection · 21/05/2021 10:40

It's absolutely fine!

Peanutbutterandbananatoastie · 21/05/2021 10:42

@PastaLaVistaBBY

One of my favourite mumsnet tropes is how whenever a wedding is under discussion, posters absolutely fall over themselves to convey just how little they cared about their weddings, how utterly unimportant the day is (since a marriage is ‘just a legal contract’), how absolutely cool they were or would be with guests turning up wearing anything from a white ballgown to a pleather mankini.

It’s utterly untrue of course, but it’s seen as a kind of badge of honour on here to have not one iota of interest in weddings, your own or otherwise

Oops I think I just did this, except I am living in sin not married, so that’s ok.

Januaryissodull · 21/05/2021 10:45

@PastaLaVistaBBY there are plenty of people out who who got married for love, not for a big fancy party with Instagram worthy colour co-ordinated photos.

Thousands of people get married at the registry office or have a big wedding without given a thought to what anyone beyond themselves and their bridesmaids wear.

It astonishes me that anyone would cause a conflict with a friend or family member over what they wear. It comes across as extremely shallow and spiteful.

LostInTheLingerieSection · 21/05/2021 10:49

People can still care a lot about their wedding but also think this dress is entirely suitable for a guest to wear...

PastaLaVistaBBY · 21/05/2021 10:51

[quote Januaryissodull]@PastaLaVistaBBY there are plenty of people out who who got married for love, not for a big fancy party with Instagram worthy colour co-ordinated photos.

Thousands of people get married at the registry office or have a big wedding without given a thought to what anyone beyond themselves and their bridesmaids wear.

It astonishes me that anyone would cause a conflict with a friend or family member over what they wear. It comes across as extremely shallow and spiteful.[/quote]
Getting married for love and having a nice wedding are not mutually exclusive.

I don’t see anything to suggest OP has caused or will cause a conflict over this. She was just asking for opinions, and people are treating her as though she has stated her intention to rip the dress to shreds like Cinderella’s bloody stepsisters.

I don’t actually think dress colour is the biggest deal in the world (didn’t personally bother me that my BIL’s sister wore a white lace cocktail dress, for instance - I didn’t notice she had til I saw the photos later), but it baffles me why, with the vast spectrum of colours to choose from, anyone would choose white when there is even a small possibility that it might cause upset. People are calling OP entitled, but how entitled do you have to be to think that your desire to wear white to a wedding trumps the feelings of the person actually getting married?

PastaLaVistaBBY · 21/05/2021 10:54

(It seems doubly a shame that OP’s MIL is risking upset for the sake of wearing a dress that is not only white but absolutely hideous, but I suppose she must like something about it )

Januaryissodull · 21/05/2021 10:56

@PastaLaVistaBBY of course they are not mutually exclusive.

But you can have a nice wedding, without fretting over what everyone else is wearing and whether it will clash in the photos.

PastaLaVistaBBY · 21/05/2021 11:01

[quote Januaryissodull]@PastaLaVistaBBY of course they are not mutually exclusive.

But you can have a nice wedding, without fretting over what everyone else is wearing and whether it will clash in the photos.

[/quote]
Nobody has suggested otherwise.

JanuaryJonez · 21/05/2021 11:02

I just can't see a problem with this dress! I see floaty and flowery - so it's perfect for a wedding.

I do think you're being rather dramatic and if this escalates unnecessarily it could compromise your day.

Shakepineapple · 21/05/2021 11:04

I would be totally fine with that dress. It's pretty looks very appropriate. So much so that I honestly thought I was looking at the wrong link.
However, if your MIL wearing this dress is going to upset you, to the point that you feel that you would prefer her not to wear it, then you need to own that request and the consequences of it (for example, I could imagine feeling hurt if someone told me I couldn't wear a dress that I had thought fitting). Please don't blame it on bad form, or manners.
I think that in 10 years time you will think this is a non issue.

Original poster

User72651 · 21/05/2021 11:12

I am grateful for your replies and have taken them on board. I have said to my partner let's just tell her we like the dress. However, he keeps looking at it and saying he doesn't think it's appropriate and he envisioned her in something more formal/classy. He wants to give her another week or two to see if she finds anything else.

OP posts:

MissKeithsNeice · 21/05/2021 11:18

@User72651

I am grateful for your replies and have taken them on board. I have said to my partner let's just tell her we like the dress. However, he keeps looking at it and saying he doesn't think it's appropriate and he envisioned her in something more formal/classy. He wants to give her another week or two to see if she finds anything else.

Wow. Words fail me at your DH's response. Your MIL's dress may turn out to be the least of your worries

Januaryissodull · 21/05/2021 11:19

@User72651

Does your partner honestly have a strong opinion on what his mum wears? Does he ever question what you wear?

Interestedparty132 · 21/05/2021 11:21

@User72651

I am grateful for your replies and have taken them on board. I have said to my partner let's just tell her we like the dress. However, he keeps looking at it and saying he doesn't think it's appropriate and he envisioned her in something more formal/classy. He wants to give her another week or two to see if she finds anything else.

Well that’s a change of tune because before it was all ‘all I can see is a long white dress’. When you get pulled up on it, it’s suddenly your fiancé that has the issue and it’s because it’s not formal or classy enough and has nothing to do with the colours. Bullshit.

MrsBarnstable · 21/05/2021 11:21

I think if your bridesmaids are in the same colours with a floral design it maybe better for your MIL if she wore something completely different
I'd word it that I'd want her to stand out more and not just blend in. She may have chosen it to not upset your colour scheme, who knows?