Is this dress OK?

[User72651]

Is this dress OK for my partner's mum to wear to my wedding (mother of the groom)? I just see a long white dress:

www.shopittome.com/sale/archived/abv6ad8eb88

I think it is absolutely fine, much more yellow and black floral than white.
It it is a nod to the bridesmaids so much the better as MIL is also part of the bridal party.

Try not to stress too much OP, it will make your wedding much more enjoyable.

This sums up what I mean. I didn't articulate it very well. I don't have concerns about being "upstaged", or people wondering who the bride is. The issue is whether this dress is too white for a woman in the bridal party too wear. Not because it's too 'bridal' but because it is too white. Yes it has flowers but it is a predominantly white dress, which is considered bad form. I understand many people don't care about etiquette though with these kinds of things, so don't understand why it would ever be an issue unless a guest literally turned up in a wedding dress.

But that etiquette exists because people don't want to upstage the bride. If you're not concerned about that, than the "etiquette" doesn't matter. 🤷‍♀️

Then, not than

I once saw a small and fabulously elegant wedding party in Italy. The women, all 30s I'd say (not the bride) wore black. Exquisitely chic dresses, stunning shoes. People on here would have had caniptions. I think it is all a bit suburban and 1950 this fretting about 'etiquette'.

Do people not have enough to worry about in life with this stuff? Genuinely what does it matter? I couldn’t tell you what anyone else wore to my wedding, including my mother in law. I seem to remember a hat. My bridesmaid swapped the dress we’d bought together and arrived on the morning of the wedding with a black shift dress. My only thought was that it was a shame she hadn’t felt confident in the far prettier dress we’d picked.

You know none of this make any difference to anything, right?

Its quite nice, and suitable for the lady in question.. But I would wear whatever dress,or colour that I wanted to at a family wedding, I would not be asking any advice for anything.

It's a normal dress to wear at a wedding. And if it's a nod to bridesmaids dresses then that's good I think? If your MIL doesn't know what the bridesmaids are wearing, I'll let her know. Maybe even try to show photos without mentioning her dress. She can then decide for herself. My MIL asked me about the colours in the wedding as she didn't want her dress to clash, and she didn't want to wear the same colour as my bridesmaids. But it was her choice, I'd have no problem whatever outfit she chose.

It looks too casual for a wedding. Looks like one of those old fashioned house dresses

@midsomermurderess

I once saw a small and fabulously elegant wedding party in Italy. The women, all 30s I'd say (not the bride) wore black. Exquisitely chic dresses, stunning shoes. People on here would have had caniptions. I think it is all a bit suburban and 1950 this fretting about 'etiquette'.

I love black, navy etcetera and have worn black dresses in weddings. I don’t think anyone had conniptions. Besides, I wasn’t the only one wearing black or dark muted colours as it was the winter. We tend to wear pale or pastel colours during spring/summer. Maybe it’s just some people have certain norms they abide by? Nothing 1950s about that.

Oh it is so uptight and 1950s around here. It'scomical.

It's lovely - much nicer than many of the mother of the bride/groom outfits I see being worn. For goodness sake, just concentrate on enjoying your day and stop worrying about what people are wearing!

Yes it has flowers but it is a predominantly white dress, which is considered bad form

OMG - do people still actually talk like that in the UK?? It's 2021, time to drag yourself into the modern world.

My MIL fainted in the middle of my wedding ceremony. Now that’s upstaging the bride.

OP the whole reason not wearing white is “etiquette” (hate that word) is so as not to upstage the bride. If you don’t feel you are being upstaged then there is no breach of “etiquette”. If anyone even cares. And if, as you say, you don’t care about etiquette I’m at a loss to know why you started a thread about it.

I’m sorry, what year is this? I thought we were in 2021. Why are women still adhering to this outdated nonsense?

The dress is fine. If you want to follow “etiquette” I would suggest it’s poor manners to try dictate what people where to your wedding.

Ugh... wear, not where. I’m sleep deprived.

Unless you are also wearing a floral dress, I doubt she is going to be mistaken for you in that dress. Have you chosen a traditional white dress? If not, then perhaps?
It’s your wedding so if you wish to adhere to a theme or a dress code, I’m sure she’ll be fine with it, but I would maybe make it clear. (You could pop it on the invite if not already sent - dress code - non white). If it wasn’t clears and others were able to wear similar dresses, she might be offended.

I don't see the problem.
Really have you got nothing better to worry about?

@Lipz I dont understand what you did wrong?

I think it is absolutely fine.
I agree with pp however that said if you had posted asking if it is ok to wear this to a wedding you would have been told yabu - it’s too white.
I would have worn it to a wedding if I hadn’t read the millions of threads on MN regarding dresses like this.
This is AIBU though and people will say that you are simply because they can.

@TatianaBis and @RampantIvy

I can see that my views are not the norm on this thread so I checked Debretts, the ultimate etiquette bible. Whilst the rule seems to be softening it’s still appropriate to check with your host before wearing anything based on white or black to a wedding.
So yes, I’m astonished at the carte Blanche
My self esteem is fine thanks.

How rapidly we are moving away from a culture of 'live and let live".

How human beings love imposing rules on others and creating a complicated world.

Unless specifically asked by her 'MIL' for her opinion, the OP should leave her MIL to her DP. It is his/her wedding too.

On a matter of taste, I don't think the perfectly acceptable dress would accessorise that well with yellow.

[quote PacifyLulu]**@TatianaBis* and @RampantIvy*

I can see that my views are not the norm on this thread so I checked Debretts, the ultimate etiquette bible. Whilst the rule seems to be softening it’s still appropriate to check with your host before wearing anything based on white or black to a wedding.
So yes, I’m astonished at the carte Blanche
My self esteem is fine thanks.[/quote]
Whoops - posted too soon.

Astonished at the replies to wear it carte blanche (no pun intended )

And yes my self esteem is fine - although I don’t understand the link between it and respecting etiquette.

It's your wedding.

The answer to the question:

"is xxxxxxxxx OK at my wedding?"

is always.... well what do you think? It's YOUR wedding!

You get to make your own rules at your own wedding.

Yes! It's beautiful

One of my favourite mumsnet tropes is how whenever a wedding is under discussion, posters absolutely fall over themselves to convey just how little they cared about their weddings, how utterly unimportant the day is (since a marriage is ‘just a legal contract’), how absolutely cool they were or would be with guests turning up wearing anything from a white ballgown to a pleather mankini.

It’s utterly untrue of course, but it’s seen as a kind of badge of honour on here to have not one iota of interest in weddings, your own or otherwise