I know I'm privileged but I hate my life!

[MissVanji]

I'm a SAHM to 2 DC. I have a lovely DH who has a very good job so we are all well provided for and don't ask for much. I'm in my early 30s with 2 DC under 3 and to be honest I'm miserable.

Everyone thinks I have it all but I wake up every morning like its groundhog day, just another day to clean up everyone's crap and try be the perfect wife/mum when I just desperately want some freedom away from the 3 people I love the most.

They are suffocating me and I just want to RUN!!!!! I love them so much and feel like a shitty person because I know I'm lucky but I am just so desperately sad and feel like my life is ruined I'm struggling tbh.

Honestly going back to work makes a huge difference.

It doesnt have to be exactly what you did before, just something to get you out and a bit of adult company. Do a couple of evenings behind the bar at a local pub, or volunteer with a charity while kids are at nursery.

@billy1966

Most people I know didn't have GP's doing childcare. I didn't. I paid for someone to come to the house when my first child was 4 months and would go down for his nap. 4 hours of me being able to jump in the car and do anything like a facial, massage, shopping, lunch, window shopping etc.

It definitely helped me stay contented.
I did this twice a week.

I think everyone needs a few hours to themselves regularly.

Everyone I know (except me) has had a huge amount of help from GPs.

It's an absolute Mumsnet myth that "no one gets help from GPs". I am the anomaly out of every person I know who has children and it has been devastating for my mental and physical health.

Humans are supposed to have family support around them while they have small children. It is not normal to have no family support and imo hugely linked to rates of PND.

I was in the same position many years ago.
Due to the perfect storm I found myself a SAHM and everyone thought I had the life of Riley - more money than I could ever spend, help with chores etc but although I wasn’t unhappy, I was utterly bored.
In the end an amazing work opportunity came my way and I took it - despite warnings galore that I would be frazzled and my children would suffer.

Reader : many years later and I’m not frazzled. My marriage is in tact. My children are now wonderful adults. And I’m an award winning film and TV producer.

There are many ways to be a parent. Carve out a picture that suits you as well as everyone else. Frankly it’s what the vast vast majority of men do.

@FightingtheFoo

I had my children in my 30's so perhaps parents are older but also a lot of my friends have parents that had busy lives.

But not all friends for sure.

I think to have someone to give you some support, let you go up for a nap when exhausted must be incredible.

I didn't have that so just got on with it.
I had a great husband and like I said, paid someone to give me a break.

I definitely agree it helped me hugely emotionally to have a few hours regularly to be on my own doing something for me.

Everyone I know (except me) has had a huge amount of help from GPs.

It's an absolute Mumsnet myth that "no one gets help from GPs". I am the anomaly out of every person I know who has children and it has been devastating for my mental and physical health.

Humans are supposed to have family support around them while they have small children. It is not normal to have no family support and imo hugely linked to rates of PND.

I am another anomaly. Every time I go to the local park lo and behold there are grandparents on their own with their gc. Also doing the school run. My parents were crap (abusive and neglectful) they would have been the same as grandparents (I also had PND with each of my pregnancies). I agree, I think it would make a big difference to have supportive parents/grandparents.

I didn't have grandparent support either and it makes a difference to the options available to parents. Unless you are willing to loose most of your wage to childcare costs (I have calculated that when my youngest 2 are at school if I return to work 3 days it will cost me 4560 per year for the school wrap around care and holiday clubs for both)then either mum or dad has to step up and look after the children. When I had my first almost 18 years ago my experience was that one parents look time out from their careers to look after pre school children you didn't see many grandparents taking children to groups/ having regular child care days but you would see both mums and dads at groups. There was lots of Govt investment in early years which meant lots of free/low cost toddler groups around here, free swimming sessions NCT groups sure start and more opportunities for parents to meet up. You would see familiar faces at different groups and I felt I had a wide network of friends and my days were full. Fast forward to today I have a 2 year old, and things are very different despite covid. It's mostly grandparents at toddler groups not parents so social side has gone, (most children I don't know their parents at all which is odd) most are franchises which are expensive and no NCT or sure start groups at all. It's a very different parental experience and I feel a bit nostalgic for how things used to be. It's much harder being a sahp now, that said I love being at home with them, doing the school run and spending time with them. They are my children I want the best for them and for me that is being with them. We all have to make choices about how our children will be cared for balanced with a career. It's not easy and everyone's circumstances are different, but we all have to face the compromises parenting brings.