To not lend her my stuff?

[TentTalk]

TLDR: DH and I are avid campers and bought a new (expensive) tent in the 2019 black Friday sales, we've used it twice and now friend who has never camped before wants to borrow it. We said no and 'friend' has called us selfish and says we've ruined her and her kids holiday. AIBU?

As above, DH and I are keen campers and have camped for many years, back packing in the UK and across Europe. With the arrival of DC2 we bought a new large family tent for more comfort. It's great but it was really expensive, but we feel its an investment and we will treat it well. We bought it in November 2019, ready for the 202 season (hah!) we managed to use it twice last year and have 3 trips booked this year (all UK). A friend recently said she would like to try camping, I suggested she book one of the times we are going, so we could share some o the equipment like the stove and stuff, rather than her forking out for all new kit when she may not like it, or that she goes to one of the 'glamping' sites where it is all set up for you. She then said she had already booked a week and had hoped to borrow all our stuff. She was quite shocked when I refused and became quite nasty saying we were ruining her holiday and that we were selfish. I said I don't mind lending her the kids sims and sleeping bags and the camp stove but the other stuff, especially the tent is just too much.

My concerns are that it will get damaged, either by wind or misuse (fire too close, kids not being careful, someone getting drunk and stumbling over it etc). We do have insurance, but it is only valid when we use it, not if we loan it out. The other issue is that the time they are going away is the week before we do, so if it does get damaged I won't have time to test it all out or erect the tent, or replace the stuff if it is damaged. Friend is not always the most considerate person.

AIBU?

If it's relevant, we have over £2k of camping equipment and the tent was about £750.

There are always tents on Facebook marketplace, she can pick up a cheapie one and use that. If she hates camping or ruins it it’s no biggie.

Op can I be cheeky and ask where you get tent insurance?

I added up the cost of our fairly minimal setup the other week and was a bit horrified. Stuff that we have accumulated overtime, and as the family has grown. And we aren't even big holiday campers 3/4 nights is our limit.

YANBU!

So many things can go wrong with a tent (breaking a pole, a rip, leakage, not drying it properly before packing it away) that I would never want to loan mine out as I know I'd be upset if it came back in anything other than the condition it left in. This 'friend' in particular, being new to camping, is unlikely to manage that.

I'd be happy to loan out just about anything else but tbh I'd only do that with very good friends. She doesn't sound as if she fits that bill.

@MrsBarnstable

Lol, don't you just love it when people try to play on your manners and try and guilt you into something you had no part of Fuck her I predict that she'll come back with 'You have really upset the kids, they've been crying/sobbing/been inconsolable all day. They can't believe you've done this to them. They were really, really really really really looking forward to it and YOU have ruined it' Get yourself in the brace position 🤣 She's a brazen mare

If I were the OP, and her CF friend did come back trying emotional blackmail like this, I’d be replying:

“YOU promised YOUR kids a holiday without making sure you could borrow the necessary equipment - so the only person who has ruined the holiday and upset the kids, is YOU!”

@Lockdownbear

Op can I be cheeky and ask where you get tent insurance?

I added up the cost of our fairly minimal setup the other week and was a bit horrified. Stuff that we have accumulated overtime, and as the family has grown. And we aren't even big holiday campers 3/4 nights is our limit.

We're with Shield. Just a basic policy.

That's outrageous...she had already booked her camping holiday on the basis that she would use your camping gear without even thinking about asking you first. I wouldn't dream of asking to use someone's expensive belongings bought with their hard-earned cash...& I'd be petrified it would get damaged. No way, unless she is ultra careful, would I be giving her your expensive tent unless she knows the cost of replacement (not sale price) and agrees to a no quibble purchase of a new one for you if it was returned with so much as a thread loose on it. Esp as you've said she is not very considerate usually. Stick to your guns. I mean, I might relent had I been asked a long time before they booked it & only on the no quibble basis above...but to be told that you have now ruined their holiday...I'd be inclined to tell her to eff off with that carry-on & take her own purse out & off down to the camping shop...

It's a no from me. If you lend it to her, you'll fall out with her (you know it won't come back in the same condition)

Can't believe she asked!

It's an air tent so it's really easy to erect, but still, it's also really easy o fuck up and damage it! I know loads of people who fail to do the doors up whilst pitching and then rip the zips and such, really easy mistakes to make.

I just said to her that we don't lend out the tent as it's an expensive bit of kit and on the insurance is for our use only. She said I was "a bit selfish" and said what was she going to do now, she's going to have to cancel and ruin it for the kids. I suggested a cheap 5 man tent or an equipment hire company but she just made excuses to leave and I've not heard from her since. Such is life.

@TentTalk

It's an air tent so it's really easy to erect, but still, it's also really easy o fuck up and damage it! I know loads of people who fail to do the doors up whilst pitching and then rip the zips and such, really easy mistakes to make.

I just said to her that we don't lend out the tent as it's an expensive bit of kit and on the insurance is for our use only. She said I was "a bit selfish" and said what was she going to do now, she's going to have to cancel and ruin it for the kids. I suggested a cheap 5 man tent or an equipment hire company but she just made excuses to leave and I've not heard from her since. Such is life.

She's a real twat. I'd honestly block her. What an arsey thing to do. She's not a friend. NO idea why you bother with her at all. No one is worth this. Hope this gives you the shake you need. Decent people would never dream of doing this.

Some friends of mine have an air tent like this. It was about £800. They've camped all over the world and even rented equipment in Australia to camp there. Cannot imagine asking to borrow their things! They work hard and it's theirs and a real delight in their lives. They even bought their car with camping in mind.

Oohhh Moody entitled mare 😂

'You ruined your own holiday by not checking you could borrow camping equipment before booking a camping trip'

she can buy herself a cheep tent.

Im not the camping type but have had to camp before for certain things (never for joyous holidays lol). Non of the tents I had have survived by the end (1 got ripped, 1 flooded, 1 just sort of gave up and collapsed as I think we set it up wrong) so I now only buy cheap ones as I know they will get ruined, I would never borrow an expensive one off someone because I couldnt justify replacing it when it inevitably gets distroyed.

You are in the right here, op. Your friend should not have taken you for granted.

Can she not hire a tent for her holiday? A lot cheaper than buying which would be silly for someone to do, who hasn't previously camped.

We bought our own caravan and have had to say “no” to people borrowing it. (Yes, we’ve been asked). It is our pride and joy and we don’t want to lend it out. Thankfully our insurance only covers us so we use that to make it easier to say “no” to people.

OP YANBU

We've got an air tent and I'd not be lending it out as I suspect it would be very easy to over inflate and cause damage, or make a hole somewhere. It's a great invention but feels like it could be ruined quite easily.

Any chance of me reconsidering would have flown out of the window when the term selfish was used and the attempted guilt tripping started.

Don't book a camping holiday unless you have the kit!!

Middle of lidl this week.

You aren't being unreasonable, OP.

Here's Camping Equipment by Hectic Egg:

Definitely not BU...

For someone asking upthread how you dry out tents if you have to pack away wet...

Hang up or spread out outside immediately you get home, assuming its dry at home. If not, spread out in your living room until dry.

It is a MAJOR faff, which is very often why tent borrowing CF's don't do it.

@NotSorry

We bought our own caravan and have had to say “no” to people borrowing it. (Yes, we’ve been asked). It is our pride and joy and we don’t want to lend it out. Thankfully our insurance only covers us so we use that to make it easier to say “no” to people.

OP YANBU

Incredible! They may not even be legal to tow it if they got their license post 1997. My husband had to sit a separate towing test.

Well done! She seems the type who would lie and say it was already broke.

Extraordinarily entitled to feel you have the right to use the property of others.

Cheeky Moo.

We spent a lot of love, time and not to mention money creating a family campervan and have had 2 awkward CF situations where we've had to say no and the other party has insinuated that we're selfish/ruining their well deserved break. Unbelievable.
At least we've learnt things about those people!

What an entitled cow! YANBU in the slightest, and I'd bin her off as a "friend" because she is a piece of work!

@mam0918

she can buy herself a cheep tent.

Im not the camping type but have had to camp before for certain things (never for joyous holidays lol). Non of the tents I had have survived by the end (1 got ripped, 1 flooded, 1 just sort of gave up and collapsed as I think we set it up wrong) so I now only buy cheap ones as I know they will get ruined, I would never borrow an expensive one off someone because I couldnt justify replacing it when it inevitably gets distroyed.

Wow! We've had 3 tents in our 15 years of camping. The first was mine as a teen and was 10+ years old when we retired it, the second was 11years old and only retired because of a growing family. DH and I still use it if we go back packing!