To think once you have dc your whole life becomes a series of things you don’t want to do?

[Milkminder]

Mine is. It’s constant.
Today I got up early to take dc1 to school. Then came back and listened to dc2 read (painful) and then took dc2 to school. Went to work. Went and fetched the dc. Took them to the park for an hour (massively boring). Got back. Cooked something they’d both eat and something else for DH that he’d eat, didn’t even bother making anything for myself because frankly it was too much effort. Did craft with dc2. Helped dc1 with homework. Played cricket with dc1. Bathed dc2 and listened to them scream about how they hated having a bath. Now I’m about to do bedtime stories for dc2 before going and playing a board game with dc1.

The weekend will consist of activities they want to do and I find deathly boring.

Does everyone find it deathly boring? I wonder if I shouldn’t have had dc as I’m too selfish. I just find it SUCH HARD WORK and feel as though I only ever get to do what they want to do.
The weekend will be football sessions, swimming and then a trip to a farm - I don’t want to do any of those things.

I don't even believe that children have to be "bored". They just need to learn to be independent. They don't need a parent to play with them and be constantly behind their back.

As soon as they are old enough to read especially, you can easily make everyone happy.

@Notaroadrunner

Ditch your useless husband and that way you will get time to yourself when he's forced to actually parent them 50/50, or even eow.

I agree with the ditching, but you can't force a parent to have contact with their kids.

Op l sometimes hide in the toilet as dd knows l am not to be disturbed in there!
Love being a mum but sometimes it is very fucking tedious. I get fed up of saying the same things every single day but one day l know it will go in and l won't have to remind her to hang up her uniform/brush her teeth etc.
How old are they?

Just one question? Why are you doing all these things you don't want to do? Let your children entertain themselves?

You get more free time but whilst you are somewhere like soft play or the park and they are busy doing their thing, take a book or a mag and read, thus making it more pleasurable. Don’t feel you have to follow them around like a loon going ‘look Jack it’s a slide ‘ etc etc

Isn’t life in general a series of things you’d rather not do mixed with some other stuff you do want to do?

well as it transpires you have a dh problem-if you split up you'll get more free time and you wont have to cook for him

bonus

“I wonder if I shouldn’t have had dc as I’m too selfish”

I think you are anything but. I think you are admirable, and not a little wonderful,
to have managed all that on a weekday. They are lucky to have you.

Your title is actually a very accurate summary of parenting OP
I try not to think about the money I spend on them vs the paltry amount I spend on myself too. I pay about £170 per month for activities for my kids and then I shop in New Look because anything dearer seems extravagant 🙄

You know what, when you’re desperate for a child posts like these hurt, there are people out there that would give their right arm to be in your shoes

My dd is now 13 and for the first time in 13 years I'm actually enjoying myself. I also quite like her now too. I've always loved her but the baby, toddler and tween years were torturous

Other people have said it - the problem is your DH but it may well be that you have let him get away with atrocious behaviour.

Where does he go on Saturdays?
What does he do on Sundays?

How did the PS4 end up in your bedroom?
You seem so passive and resigned to things that are absolutely not OK.

Take yourself off every single night for a long walk - an hour or more, and listen to a podcast or music while you walk. Tell them all you're going out for your walk. Don't reassure anyone you're coming back, or tell anyone it's 'a little walk' or 'a short walk'. Take your sweet time. Do it for weeks. All summer would give DH a lot of practice in parenting. If there's a mess left for you to clean up when you get back, make the people responsible clean it up. As the adult, DH is the person responsible so he clears it up.

Make plans for at least one weekend day for yourself. Tell H you will be out from X time for your activity. Don't make excuses for this, and don't engage in discussion. Stay out for many hours. Try to include evening meal time.

Make one meal for everyone. H eats it or goes hungry.

No more laundry service for H. He needs to be a grown up and do his own.

It is so sad that your older DC wants to play cricket and chess with you, and their dad is just a lump on the couch, missing out on all the opportunities to build a nice relationship with his own child.

@burritofan

Ah, you don’t have a DC problem, you have a DH problem.

Also, my fondest childhood memories are of going to B&Q or Wickes every weekend with my dad; or sometimes the supermarket. You don’t have to do their hobbies that bore you; give them a taste of tedious adulthood too! The THRILL of the big car wash! Going to get PETROL! QUEUEING at the post office!

Haha yes! My sister and I used to play in the aisle of front doors and pretend we owned big houses.

God what a misery guts!

I love doing things with my children because their joy brings me joy.

Stop fighting it and embrace it. I’m sure you’ll miss parks and soft play when they aren’t interested in spending time with you.

Football and swimming sounds enough in one day. Can’t they watch a film OP?

I would do the farm on a separate day tbh! Do you always cook?

@shakeitoffshakeacocktail

Find a reason to leave the house without children at least twice a week. I know food shopping isn't a 'treat' and your DH is an extra man child for you BUT 1x yoga/ week 1x alone food shop a week is at least a start! I would also put 1x adult catch up in there.

DON'T ASK DH to 'BABYSIT' tell him it's booked/ planned and walk out the door! He is an adult human and will get on with it (with much protesting)

Yes, do this. Book it in and then leave. You don't even need specific plans. Just say I'll be out from 8am until after 4pm on Saturday, or whatever.

I know women who went through years of infertility, successive miscarriages, and who spent massive amounts of money on IVF, and they still moan about the sheer grind of motherhood.

@Ocean456, parenting is a tough slog sometimes, and we don't have to shut up about it in case we hurt the feelings of others. Women are always being told to put up and shut up and mind the feelings of others. Doing that has held us back in our relationships and in our careers and it has made us all unhappy.

Loving all the smug childless folk

OP, I get it.

To add to the million posts already saying this, I think the problem is your DH not with parenting. Would having time to yourself EOW not make you life materially better?

I get it, it's relentless. Mine luckily are still young enough to be in bed in time for us to have a bit of an evening. I was feeling very down but started couch 2 5k in March and honestly the head space of 3 runs a week out of the house, time alone and exercise has done me the world of good. My dh isn't always the most helpful with the children but he knows I need to do this running for me to be okay and has had to accept it. Honestly try it, download the app, get some music on your phone and just do it. It's 30-40 minutes out of the house doing something for yourself. They'll manage whilst you're gone and it might just make you feel brighter. We all need some me time.

I hear you op.... but there is another way! Stop being so passive, I just don't get it why don't you just say " I can't do this anymore m, I'm off every Saturday morning I'll be back at 4pm looking forward to what you've cooked for dinner" 😀😀😀

@Ocean456

You know what, when you’re desperate for a child posts like these hurt, there are people out there that would give their right arm to be in your shoes

This is terrible to say! Your not in OPs shoes and motherhood can be relentless without a strong support network in place. Mental health is a real thing... as a Mother your entitled to be fed up of your own DC!! It doesn’t mean you don’t love them any less.

I don’t mind the rest but I hate the school run and deciding what’s for dinner. I like cooking it’s the deciding bit that stresses me out.

Oh and if eldest is old enough to stay up til 10pm they are definitely old enough to amuse themselves of an evening. Chuck youngest in bed by 8pm, and enjoy your evenings doing what you want

Agree that it's boring and relentless

BUT

You are being your own worst enemy in a way. I've got a 5yr old (baby 2 due in a few weeks!) and i don't do park trips and stuff in the week. That's weekend activities. He goes to after school club as I work so it's not long once he's home until bath time but he generally wants to chill in front of tv with a snack at that point - could yours do with some chill time? I wouldn't be bothering getting craft stuff out on a weeknight.

I also only cook one meal. It's about finding meals that we all like - f*cked if I'm spending hours cooking different meals for everyone.

We also have a deal whereby I look after DC in morning before school (DH leaves early) so DH does bath and bedtime. This way we each share the weekday childcare load.

What's your husband doing all this time?