To think once you have dc your whole life becomes a series of things you don’t want to do?

[Milkminder]

Mine is. It’s constant.
Today I got up early to take dc1 to school. Then came back and listened to dc2 read (painful) and then took dc2 to school. Went to work. Went and fetched the dc. Took them to the park for an hour (massively boring). Got back. Cooked something they’d both eat and something else for DH that he’d eat, didn’t even bother making anything for myself because frankly it was too much effort. Did craft with dc2. Helped dc1 with homework. Played cricket with dc1. Bathed dc2 and listened to them scream about how they hated having a bath. Now I’m about to do bedtime stories for dc2 before going and playing a board game with dc1.

The weekend will consist of activities they want to do and I find deathly boring.

Does everyone find it deathly boring? I wonder if I shouldn’t have had dc as I’m too selfish. I just find it SUCH HARD WORK and feel as though I only ever get to do what they want to do.
The weekend will be football sessions, swimming and then a trip to a farm - I don’t want to do any of those things.

Ha ha ha I have often wondered why I just hate some of the activities many parents seem to love doing with kids. Mine is going to the park. Hate it with a passion. I am so unmaternal for some things

It sounds like you would get more time to yourself and an easier life if you divorced DH and he had the kids alone once a week...

What’s stopping you from saying

DH, I am so tired from having the DC be my responsibility 100% of the time. I need a break. Please can you start taking them out on a Saturday afternoon? I think they could do with 1-1 time with each of us too, so maybe you and DS can do something together one Sunday morning and I’ll hang with DD, and then we can swap in w couple of weeks.

I don’t think you’re remotely selfish. Working, having two children (one with SEN) with a substantial age gap, with a husband who isn’t very involved, sounds like a very very tough gig and you sound like you’re doing a great job of it. I certainly don’t think you need to beat yourself up about not loving every minute of it.

I agree with others who’ve said it sounds like you have a DH problem, and I do relate. It’s very extremely difficult to force someone else to parent without letting your children suffer in the process.

I haven’t really got any advice, except to say I also hate crafts and farm trips and lots of other kids’ activities, and I try really hard to balance our free time between kids’ stuff and adult stuff - or to find things to do that we all enjoy - because too much time spent at soft plays and farms bores me rigid. I know that’s easier said than done.

@MrsTerryPratchett don’t look embarrassed. You are completely right.

Your husband sounds fucking useless, I could not live like this!

Other. Men. Are. Better.

This. So much this. DH and I have four (in non COVID times) activities for DD every week. I do two and he does two.

If DH isn't up when DD and I are, we go in and jump on him. Lovingly. He probably gets more lie ins but he does more bedtimes.

I am probably the emotional regulator of the family but he keeps the lights on. He's the organiser.

It's a partnership. You have a nasty parasite.

What is their dad doing? One meal for all, eat it or don't. Take time for you, even if it's just a 30 minute walk.

It sounds like you would get more time to yourself and an easier life if you divorced DH and he had the kids alone once a week...

I was talking to a friend just today who’s had this exact experience. She ditched her husband 18 months or so ago (he was cheating as well as being a lazy arse) and it’s transformed her life - she now has only two children to look after, not 3, and he’s forced to step up and be a parent one night a week and every other weekend. She seems so much happier and more relaxed.

How old are they? At the park can you get a nice coffee and listen to a podcast while they play? What activities do you like? Swimming, the zoo, theme park? Go there instead of the things you don’t and again read a book or watch a film on your phone while they do football practice or something. Find some small pockets of time to do things for you. In my case looking on MN while putting my kids to bed

Genuine question for all the posters who say they don’t have kids, how/why are you on mumsnet? I’m quite new but isn’t it a parenting group?

The usual moaning. Just arrange to go somewhere for yourself, walk out of the house and if the kids are still up at midnight when you get back because your lazy husband hasn't put them to bed then just walk out again and book into a Travelodge for the night and return when he has grown up to be a parent.

All those people talking about "well you had kids/you made your own bed" etc etc are absolutely right.

Just shove them back up where they came from and enjoy having a child free life 🙄

I've got news for those people. Parenting isn't all shit, but nor is it a bunch of roses either and phases take months to come and go, sometimes years.

It's not a book club you can just say "nah, isn't for me" after 6 months.

I adore my 2 year old, she's brilliant and has literally saved my life by being here. Yet earlier today during one of her tantrums I closed my eyes for a second and thought to myself "I'm going to have to put up with this for YEARS" and to be honest I felt a massive sense of dread.

But an hour later I was back to feeling grateful to have her.

It's all about growing with them and trying not to tear your hair out

@ViciousJackdaw

If you didn't want this, why did you have children?

I'm childfree but I can't help but think there is a lot of mis-selling going on when it comes to DC. Pearls of wisdom such as:
'You will regret not having them'
'It's different when they're your own'
'You'll never know love like it'
Who will look after you when you're old?
Yes, you do risk pooing through your vagina but it will be so worth it because you will have a baby
and so on.

Also bear in mind that not every pregnancy is planned and not every woman feels able to abort.

Very true, but I'd add it's not even about regret (especially for those who chose to have multiple kids)

Some aspects of parenting are boring, even more so if you're busy/stressed with work. But you can still want kids.

No idea why that poster is asking "why have em" as if we can't moan amongst each other and still want our kids.

I read your comment about what you’d like to do and we like the same things . I have taken daughter to galleries since she was a toddler. There is always something you can tag into it so they are more interested . When my daughter was a preschooler , she liked going to the flash toilets at the big public art gallery as there was a drinking fountain she liked. There was also a fountain outside she’d like looking at and dipping her feet in outside - even handing her doll in with the bag check woman and getting a special ticket was fun for her. As she’s got older , primary aged we go to exhibition openings because DP isn’t back from work early enough - she’ll complain still but once we get there enjoys exploring all the free finger food.
If you want to paint too. It is possible . Come onto Instagram and join the “ carveouttimeforart” community . There’s a book too full of mums sharing how hard it is trying to be creative while kids are around. Lots of tips shared . I bought some art from an artist who paints until her kid interrupts her and writes the reason on the back of the painting , they’re quite funny the reasons .
Anyway, you’re not selfish - the opposite . You need to be more selfish as others have said. Otherwise you’ll wake up at the end of parenting not knowing who you are.

@SpeedRunParent

You have a choice OP. Either spend the next ten years whining about how boring your children are and feeling sorry for yourself or accept that all parents feel like this sometimes and learn to find joy in the small things in life; the giggles of excited children, the little victories when you get them to step outside their comfort zone and achieve something new, the privilege of being someone's whole world - their mum.

How patronising. She is clearly tired, fed up and at the end of her tether because she works non-stop. She is doing what most women fall into the trap of (me included) and took on everything i. The home.

Its far too much for one person & she's approaching burn out.

She needs to have a good talk with her lazy entitled oh and tell him he needs to pull his weight!

She needs to do this for herself, her sanity and her self respect. From someone who has been there. X

I've never heard of pooing out of your vagina 😀

Parenting has changed so much in this country, I was born in the early 70's and my parents didn't do any of this stuff with me, ever. I turned out ok. On the other hand I've done loads of boring stuff with my kids because I felt I should. My mum looks on aghast! Perhaps we do tend to overdo it a bit.

I'm 37 I don't remember my mum playing with me. Doing crafts. Baking. Watching films together. Playing board games. I did with mine. Some mums just aren't into things like that.

@emmylousings

Parenting has changed so much in this country, I was born in the early 70's and my parents didn't do any of this stuff with me, ever. I turned out ok. On the other hand I've done loads of boring stuff with my kids because I felt I should. My mum looks on aghast! Perhaps we do tend to overdo it a bit.

My mum didn't, my dad did until i was old enough to go out for hours on my own.

He'd play games with me, dolls,read to me, play slide films for me and all kinds of other things.

I'm 42 and do remember my Mum doing this stuff with me. I also remember attending quite a bit of extra stuff, music lessons, Art club, regional orchestra performances, board games. I actually feel we don't do enough with ours when I think about my childhood. I don't know if it was all necessary though and sometimes got quite stressed about things like orchestra performances. I think if you remove those stresses it would be better for your relationship with the children. Of course, if it is a DH issue then the other steps are not going to work.

My DC are older late primary and a teenager, I really miss my teenager as he is happy to be away from us most of the night. I have the opposite problem and it really is quite sad as much as it is natural, so I would say that it definitely is not forever, it is not going to be the set up for 18 years.

@RevolvingPivot

I've never heard of pooing out of your vagina 😀

Sounds awful. doesn't it. Happens if the wall between the anus and vagina tears during childbirth and I don't think it's very common but it seems to be yet another birth injury that women are not told about and just left to deal with.

Ehm - no? My DC go and do stuff I want to do and they tag along. Given, they are not school age so no whinging about them not liking it, but atm they love to tag along and I make my activity fun for them.

Also (and I fully appreciate this may well change) I love taking them to the park, playground, I adore watching them interact...maybe I am weird.

@Milkminder Sounds to me like you need to get some quality "you" time in and either make them join, or ask someone to watch them. You hating every minute of every day is not helping anyone. Your health and wellbeing is important and even more so as you seem to do most of the childcare.

This is such a sad thread. I don't get any sense that you like your DH. Why are you still with him, what's the point of being married to him?

@emmylousings

Parenting has changed so much in this country, I was born in the early 70's and my parents didn't do any of this stuff with me, ever. I turned out ok. On the other hand I've done loads of boring stuff with my kids because I felt I should. My mum looks on aghast! Perhaps we do tend to overdo it a bit.

Agree. My mum never played with us at all. My dad played some sports and hide and seek etc with us, but maybe for an hour or two a week. I don't mean they ignored us - we would hang out with them, watching what they were doing, all the time (and no doubt slowing them down massively ), but they didn't play with us or actively entertain us. That was normal amongst all my friends and cousins too - we would have thought it incredibly weird if adults had got involved in what we were playing.

Anyone stupid enough to complain to my mother about being bored got given some dusting to entertain them