Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think once you have dc your whole life becomes a series of things you don’t want to do?

813 replies

Milkminder · 19/05/2021 20:14

Mine is. It’s constant.
Today I got up early to take dc1 to school. Then came back and listened to dc2 read (painful) and then took dc2 to school. Went to work. Went and fetched the dc. Took them to the park for an hour (massively boring). Got back. Cooked something they’d both eat and something else for DH that he’d eat, didn’t even bother making anything for myself because frankly it was too much effort. Did craft with dc2. Helped dc1 with homework. Played cricket with dc1. Bathed dc2 and listened to them scream about how they hated having a bath. Now I’m about to do bedtime stories for dc2 before going and playing a board game with dc1.

The weekend will consist of activities they want to do and I find deathly boring.

Does everyone find it deathly boring? I wonder if I shouldn’t have had dc as I’m too selfish. I just find it SUCH HARD WORK and feel as though I only ever get to do what they want to do.
The weekend will be football sessions, swimming and then a trip to a farm - I don’t want to do any of those things.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 20/05/2021 20:15

One Saturday get up, go out and leave DH to it. Why does he get a whole day to himself and then get to dictate Sundays too.

You have married an arsehole. You would likely find your life a lot happier without him.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/05/2021 20:19

[quote sue69m]**@Bertiebiscuit* my sentiments exactly but I was told to shut up by @bigmumsymcgraw*
Shouldn't have kids if you don't want to be a parent..[/quote]
Well unless any of you have a time machine, how the fuck is that helpful? Particularly repeating it over and over agin.

Fuck me it's pissing me off now.

DungeonKeeper · 20/05/2021 20:19

Why have kids if you don't want to be a parent?

Shouldn’t that be directed at the DH who does fuck all?

You seem terribly unable to rock the boat OP.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/05/2021 20:20

And OP why weren't you leaving the youngest with DH on Sunday and taking the oldest to rugby? It's like you don't consider him an actual parent.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 20/05/2021 20:22

@MrsTerryPratchett I don't think I've ever seen you this cross on a thread.Grin

Original poster
Milkminder · 20/05/2021 20:24

Because dh doesn’t get up in the morning and she always wanted to come with me so I took her with me. I’m not going to encourage a return to rugby.

Yes I had dc, yes I should have stuck at one, I was doing ok with one (even though the fact they aren’t NT makes them tricky) but the second was my tipping point. It’s sharing myself between two such different ages.

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 20/05/2021 20:27

are you scared of your husband? What do you think will happen if you do something he doesn't like and you get him to parent?

Why on earth are you taking the younger child to rugby? One parent goes with one child and the other stays and looks after the other. Or alternatively drop the 12 year old and go home , might be more difficult with additional needs.

Unless you are a solo parent most people do some one to one stuff with each child.

Why are you choosing to act like a single parent when you aren't one?

Dishwashersaurous · 20/05/2021 20:28

so make him get up.

Stop being so passive. You are not a widow. You have an alive healthy husband. Make him parent

juliastone · 20/05/2021 20:28

It's a very current problem of parenting style that our generation has chosen. Most of us are bombarded with instructions on how to entertain our children 24/7 and very often there are no grandparents to take over from time to time. From the moment they are babies we're told to sing, talk, do things with them all the time. Well guess what? If I leave my baby sitting (safely) on her own for half an hour I often find she is examining her hands with enormous interest. Children also need to be bored and quiet in order to develop and discover themselves and the world. They need to learn to play on their own and how to entertain themselves. Doing so many activities all the time is exhausting for them and for you, and after a while they must think it's normal so they will expect more and more. Children only need lots of love, the rest is not so important.

Summerfun54321 · 20/05/2021 20:29

Honestly you need a break and you need to get a life for yourself and your husband needs to facilitate it. Otherwise you’ll blink, the kids will have left home and you won’t have any friends left or any hobbies, just a selfish lazy DH. It’s tough being a parent to babies but you’re past that stage now.

georgarina · 20/05/2021 20:29

[quote sue69m]**@Bertiebiscuit* my sentiments exactly but I was told to shut up by @bigmumsymcgraw*
Shouldn't have kids if you don't want to be a parent..[/quote]
Nothing to do with not wanting to be a parent. It's to do with her specific situation, if you actually read the thread.

PhillipPhillop · 20/05/2021 20:30

So dh doesn't even get up on 'family day'? Why wasn't HE taking ds to rugby? Crikey op, you need friends or family to help you with your self-respect and stand up to him, you know this can't go on.

Original poster
Milkminder · 20/05/2021 20:31

I always have them both - DH never takes either one of them anywhere on his own.
I am tired of them both being my responsibility all the time, I am worn down by it.
I do think the emotional load falls on the woman 9/10 times though.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 20/05/2021 20:31

@Milkminder

Because dh doesn’t get up in the morning and she always wanted to come with me so I took her with me. I’m not going to encourage a return to rugby.

Yes I had dc, yes I should have stuck at one, I was doing ok with one (even though the fact they aren’t NT makes them tricky) but the second was my tipping point. It’s sharing myself between two such different ages.

But if your husband - their father - does enough then you won’t need to share so much of yourself.

They are trying to get all their parental input from you. They have another parent. You don’t need to share yourself so completely- he can take his share, leaving you more of yourself.

It’s not your fault.
It’s not their fault.

It is squarely your husband’s fault.

JassyRadlett · 20/05/2021 20:33

I wouldn’t be able to go out on a Sunday all day though, I’m not really sure why. I just know DH wouldn’t like it.

OP, I really feel for you. You are clearly on your knees and your DH sounds like a selfish arse.

Could I very gently point out though, that he does lots and lots of things that he knows you don’t like. It doesn’t bother him.

Why does him not liking something bother you?

NoSquirrels · 20/05/2021 20:34

@Milkminder

I always have them both - DH never takes either one of them anywhere on his own. I am tired of them both being my responsibility all the time, I am worn down by it. I do think the emotional load falls on the woman 9/10 times though.
Other. Men. Are. Better.

You don’t appear to believe that but they are.

My DH is no saint and slacks off if he can. But he takes them out - together and separately- without being reminded, cajoled or begged.

Other. Men. Are. Better.

Quincie · 20/05/2021 20:34

I would do one thing after school -either park, board game, or cricket.
Don't you have a tv?
iPhone and audible - a good book keeps me going for hours so would have helped at the park unless you are actually joining them on the swings etc
Could DH do Bath time
You need to devise a way to reduce DS relying on you- maybe a babysitter once or twice a week whilst you go out
Dump DH

Dishwashersaurous · 20/05/2021 20:35

No the emotional load doesn't always fall on the woman.

Most parents are active and engaged with their children. How on earth has he not done anything for 12 years?

No wonder you are exhausted and ground down.

You are married to a useless man who quite frankly doesn't give a shit about you. He sees that you do absolutely everything, that you have no break and that you are exhausted. And he chooses to do nothing.

You matter. You are important. You are a person with wishes and needs.

You do not need to put up with him treating you like this.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 20/05/2021 20:35

@Milkminder

I always have them both - DH never takes either one of them anywhere on his own. I am tired of them both being my responsibility all the time, I am worn down by it. I do think the emotional load falls on the woman 9/10 times though.
That's what needs to stop. You don't ask your DH, you tell him and then you go ahead and do it.

Is he abusive too? Emotionally,mentally,financially etc?

NoSquirrels · 20/05/2021 20:36

I wouldn’t be able to go out on a Sunday all day though, I’m not really sure why. I just know DH wouldn’t like it.

And then he’d need to use his words to explain why.

And then you could use yours to tell him why he’s selfish.

Michellelovesizzy · 20/05/2021 20:37

It’s very boring it’s not just u that thinks that.... but it is worth it. Do u get time to urself like going out shopping seein friends?

Lostinthewilderness · 20/05/2021 20:38

What’s stopping you from initiating a divorce? Doesn’t sound like you get anything much from this relationship

Michellelovesizzy · 20/05/2021 20:38

Like other people have said u need to have more support from ur DH... u need time 4 u x

Dishwashersaurous · 20/05/2021 20:38

And I just want to say that I, and others, are really trying to help. You are clearly unhappy and you don't need to be.

I know that its really difficult to change ingrained habits. But just because you have always done something, doesn't mean that life has to carry on that way.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/05/2021 20:39

[quote AccidentallyOnPurpose]@MrsTerryPratchett I don't think I've ever seen you this cross on a thread.Grin

[/quote]
Blush