Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think once you have dc your whole life becomes a series of things you don’t want to do?

813 replies

Milkminder · 19/05/2021 20:14

Mine is. It’s constant.
Today I got up early to take dc1 to school. Then came back and listened to dc2 read (painful) and then took dc2 to school. Went to work. Went and fetched the dc. Took them to the park for an hour (massively boring). Got back. Cooked something they’d both eat and something else for DH that he’d eat, didn’t even bother making anything for myself because frankly it was too much effort. Did craft with dc2. Helped dc1 with homework. Played cricket with dc1. Bathed dc2 and listened to them scream about how they hated having a bath. Now I’m about to do bedtime stories for dc2 before going and playing a board game with dc1.

The weekend will consist of activities they want to do and I find deathly boring.

Does everyone find it deathly boring? I wonder if I shouldn’t have had dc as I’m too selfish. I just find it SUCH HARD WORK and feel as though I only ever get to do what they want to do.
The weekend will be football sessions, swimming and then a trip to a farm - I don’t want to do any of those things.

OP posts:
Cloglover · 20/05/2021 18:55

You don't have an issue with motherhood, you have an OH problem and unfortunately your behaviour is just enabling him. For your children's sake your OH either needs to step up because there's no way the children aren't noticing your resentment or his absence. Why are you letting him be absent all day Saturdays or dictating that Sunday is family time? Why aren't you making these decisions together?

Ifonlyidknownthen · 20/05/2021 18:58

This is absolutely parenting summed up and I don't think enough women (usually the main care providers, obvs not always) talk openly about it. Doesn't mean we don't love our kids, just that parenting is hard and tedious 99% of the time.

whatwouldjudydo · 20/05/2021 19:03

The idea is you find someone likeminded to share the boring bits with and then it becomes fun! I think I'd be brain dead if it wasn't for my mummy friends (I have 4 kids!) also as PP have said it's not all about the kids - it's taken till child 4 for me to figure this out - I can still do stuff for myself and have a life of my own. I am a single parent so taking time for myself is a massive thing as it's intense and full on without the other parent.

shadypines · 20/05/2021 19:04

It sounds like you need a break from it for sure and time to yourself to do what you want to do. I think anything is boring if you have to do it over and over without a break.

Obviously the schooling and reading are vital but maybe you could free yourself up a bit more and let them see to themselves more for leisure time, is that at all possible. I have a friend who is constantly running from one activity to the next with her DD, it sounds tortuous at times.

Countrycode · 20/05/2021 19:16

This is so bizarre though. DH announces it's family time on Sunday so you're not "able" to do anything?? I'm confused with this dynamic. Is there domestic abuse/control? Is this some sort of cultural "husbands must be obeyed" thing? Somethings amiss clearly as no woman I know would tolerate this - and I know a lot of stepford wife types!

Original poster
Milkminder · 20/05/2021 19:25

I suppose I accommodate Sundays because otherwise we wouldn’t have any time at all. Ds used to have rugby on a Sunday morning and I’d take them both but it’s stopped over the pandemic and I’m not keen to go back because it was a pain with dc2 as well. Two hours of trying to keep them entertained 🙄
I wouldn’t be able to go out on a Sunday all day though, I’m not really sure why. I just know DH wouldn’t like it.

OP posts:
georgarina · 20/05/2021 19:27

So you do something he doesn't like - what are you scared of?

He's clearly doing things you don't like and isn't bothered.

Bertiebiscuit · 20/05/2021 19:28

Parenting standards are one of the things in life we should all be judgemental about - these are real young people who deserve quality attention and unconditional love - not a bored whiny adult

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 20/05/2021 19:28

@Milkminder

I suppose I accommodate Sundays because otherwise we wouldn’t have any time at all. Ds used to have rugby on a Sunday morning and I’d take them both but it’s stopped over the pandemic and I’m not keen to go back because it was a pain with dc2 as well. Two hours of trying to keep them entertained 🙄 I wouldn’t be able to go out on a Sunday all day though, I’m not really sure why. I just know DH wouldn’t like it.
Who cares? You don't like most of your days/life and he doesn't give a shit.

Unless you're afraid of him and he's being abusive on top of everything else as well.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 20/05/2021 19:29

@Bertiebiscuit

Parenting standards are one of the things in life we should all be judgemental about - these are real young people who deserve quality attention and unconditional love - not a bored whiny adult
Maybe judge their other parent who does fuck all?
singlemum43 · 20/05/2021 19:34

@NeverAgain123456

Your not unreasonable but not liking children and their activities is the reason I didn’t have any. Did you not think about this?
What a useless and unhelpful response! 🙄 If you don’t like children and don’t have any then why read and comment on a mumsnet thread!
singlemum43 · 20/05/2021 19:37

OP hats off to you, you’re doing loads with your kids, give yourself a break... you sound a bit burnt out lovely. Hope you can schedule in a break and some time to yourself. 💐 🫖

annoyedofnorwich · 20/05/2021 19:40

Nah I like my child. Yes there are some tedious things like waiting while they have a gym/swimming/whatever class but most things they just join me in what I like doing/what we do as a family. If you find so many things tedious, perhaps try and reframe, and do some things you all enjoy rather than enduring things you hate? Make it work for you. E.g. I don't want to be tied to doing clubs/lessons at weekends, so I don't book any, I limit them to Thur and Fri night and do one only, partner does the other one. Kind of glad I enjoy it/like spending time with them, child is a nice person and nice to be with.

Mirw · 20/05/2021 19:44

Be grateful you have them. I wish I could complain like you are...

TheUndoingProject · 20/05/2021 19:47

You don’t like him going out all day every Saturday but he clearly doesn’t give a shit. Why are you giving him consideration he doesn’t return?

TheJade · 20/05/2021 19:47

Oh yes! Groundhog Day! I get it!

I get up at 7 and I don’t sit down to chill until after 9. It’s all work, kids, chores, repeat!

However it’s the life you chose! You need to suck it up and get on with it. Find your own fun. Make mates at the kids sporting events and have a laugh yourself. Take a book to the soft play if they’re old enough. If not then play with them. Yes it’s boring but it’s what you have to do. Take pride in house chores and see work as a break from the kids! Those are my top tips 🤣

When they’re grown and left the nest you might actually miss them! X

Leedsfan247 · 20/05/2021 19:51

Why on earth did you have children - obviously didn’t think it through??

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 20/05/2021 19:55

Who left the arsehole tap open again?!?

Inwiththenew · 20/05/2021 20:00

More the opposite it sounds to me like you’re entertaining them too much. It sounds like you’re literally doing nothing for yourself. It’s really important you find time to do what makes you feel good. And then. You know that you have something to look forward to and you know you’ve earned the right to do something for you.

Beancounter1 · 20/05/2021 20:01

Hi OP,
Do you want something to change?
Because you are the only person in this situation who can make it change. (DH won't change).
Best of luck

motogogo · 20/05/2021 20:04

There's things you can do to simplify eg one meal for all, ignore complaints. Kids don't need to be entertained all the time, take up a hobby yourself. All play a board game, they are fun. Get help from dh

RevolvingPivot · 20/05/2021 20:07

My husband is in the forces. I do all of this. It's very tiresome doing it every day for 11 years. It's easier now my eldest is older.

adjsavedmylife · 20/05/2021 20:08

@AccidentallyOnPurpose Grin I am stealing that.

OP I really feel for you. Mine are young, it’s relentless. The only thing that has kept me from losing the plot this last year is having a DH who does his share.

I know it can feel impossible making changes when you’re really ground down. But you don’t deserve for this to just be your life now. Demand better for yourself and mean it - life is short! Once you have some you time you will enjoy your children more too. Start small - change one thing and keep building. Good luck

pollymere · 20/05/2021 20:12

You need to have some respite before you crack. You sound depressed and exhausted. Perhaps DH could do swimming, football and farm whilst you do something you enjoy (or nothing!) Why are you going to a farm if you hate it?

I also think you do too much with your kids. Give them time for independent play. Get DH to cook or do baths or hear kids read. They don't need a bath everyday so if they hate it do two a week and a shower after swimming.

sue69m · 20/05/2021 20:15

@Bertiebiscuit my sentiments exactly but I was told to shut up by @bigmumsymcgraw
Shouldn't have kids if you don't want to be a parent..