To think once you have dc your whole life becomes a series of things you don’t want to do?

[Milkminder]

Mine is. It’s constant.
Today I got up early to take dc1 to school. Then came back and listened to dc2 read (painful) and then took dc2 to school. Went to work. Went and fetched the dc. Took them to the park for an hour (massively boring). Got back. Cooked something they’d both eat and something else for DH that he’d eat, didn’t even bother making anything for myself because frankly it was too much effort. Did craft with dc2. Helped dc1 with homework. Played cricket with dc1. Bathed dc2 and listened to them scream about how they hated having a bath. Now I’m about to do bedtime stories for dc2 before going and playing a board game with dc1.

The weekend will consist of activities they want to do and I find deathly boring.

Does everyone find it deathly boring? I wonder if I shouldn’t have had dc as I’m too selfish. I just find it SUCH HARD WORK and feel as though I only ever get to do what they want to do.
The weekend will be football sessions, swimming and then a trip to a farm - I don’t want to do any of those things.

He knows you'll go back to doing everything after a week.

Ask yourself how did you end up doing everything and why you're doing everything?

You mentioned your DH coming downstairs. Do you both work from home.

It really is Ok to say no.

I know you said he cycles or something Saturday. What is he doing while gone all weekend?

Your life is like this because DH doesn't pull his weight. If he did you would have much more balance and be able to do things that you enjoy every week. The current situation is not at all good for your mental health and is also bad for your marriage.

Things need to change OP. Either you work with DH to make changes or you call it a day and leave him.
Ignore your mental health at your peril.

You know what OP? You need to start saying no. Put my dinner on, on the way home? No. Chess at 10pm? No.

You don’t have to be doing all these things. You don’t have to entertain your DC constantly.

Yes haha um a single parent and his dad probably does 0.01% he doesn't want to do .
I couldn't imagine standing in the rain watching anyone else play football. That's love ! I wouldn't have it any other way .

I must admit though I'm not quite slave to activities, I can't be, I just don't have time . I remember my friend and her husband being absolute slaves to their kids activities, a constant round of ferrying to kids around, mostly separately because of logistics . I'm talking every night of the week and also weekends - sports competitions in another part of the country which needed overnight stays .
The kids grew up and they got divorced.

You need to decide what you want from DH. Do u want to stay married or not. You need to consider effects of DH s lack of interest in his children on those children. Then you need to have discussion with DH, tell him u want divorce if that's your decision or you want him to step up and parent if it's not, with an absolute and determination statement that if he doesn't you're splitting up.

Even if u split up and your DH won't take children which tbh seems quite likely,you'll be so much better off as you won't be continually resenting him treating you like a servant and the children as irrelevant.

Wishing you all the best op.

Yes, lots of child things are dull as shit. I'm a primary school teacher, I like kids, but I still don't want to stand in the park for an hour responding with excitement every time she goes down the same slide. BOOOORING.

But I split any 1-1 childcare with my partner/her dad. 50/50. It's the only way. There are obviously family times at weekends, but to be honest because we've only got one child, the dynamic works better if it's one on one with her. Then she gets the attention she wants, and we also want to give her.

You do need to put your big girl pants on and start sticking up with yourself. You allow your H to treat you terribly, he’s basically got a house keeper and full time nanny. You’re not getting very much firm this relationship at all.

If you had a partner who respected you, helped you with the house and children, you would feel so differently about your children and life in general!

Board games mid week ? No , thats a treat for weekends
Your kids need to amuse themselves or play with each other. My ds is an only child and he's had to learn I can't entertain him 24/7 .
Don't be a martyr op

DH wants the high days and the holidays with none of the other parts.

@Milkminder

DH wants the high days and the holidays with none of the other parts.

Leave him and he can have them every bloody holiday then. You'd get more of a break than you do now, and fewer people to run around after (cooking for etc) to boot.

I also think you need to start putting your foot down. For a start, there is nothing wrong with literally telling your kids mum is a person in her own right too and wants to do some relaxing and fun things for her. It’s good for them because otherwise they’ll grow up with the assumption that mums are literally just big slaves who do all the jobs and have no identity or life of their own.

Other things you could also put your foot down about, you could insist the PS4 is removed from the bedroom and be very clear that’s space for you as well to take time to yourself.

Saying no to your kids and insisting they entertain themselves for a bit is not going to kill them. And it will make the activities you do more fun because you’ll have more energy for it.

Lastly don’t think for one minute that the kids don’t pick up on your seething resentment. I was raised by a mother who ‘did her duty’ and never had her own life and outwardly she barely said anything, but her resentment and bitterness spilled over into her attitude all the time. When I got older and began to have my own life and explore the world that resentment developed into full blown jealousy because of all the things i got to do she never did. Our relationship has never been the same and my self esteem took a massive hit overall because I knew what a burden i was to her - just for being me.

I don’t want to make you feel guilty about your lack of enthusiasm but It’s in everyone’s best interests that you start finding ways to have your own time and stop martyring yourself.

My dc fight constantly. Dc1 is the problem. He hates having a sibling and would have been a lot happier remaining an only one. By the time he was 7 he was pretty used to having me all the time. Sharing me has been really difficult for him and he responds with a lot of resentment towards dc2. It’s a shame because dc2 idolises him but there’s a lot of fighting - physical fighting too, which worries me as he is 12 and she is 5.

It's important to teach your children that mum has needs and preferences just like them. Factor in time for you to do what you want, even if it is only 20 minutes. They do nag at first, but if you persist they get used to the fact that they will have to do without you for a bit.

I agree OP. There are a lot of wonderful things but mainly it's a hard slog. Our DS is challenging and my time and energy is spent dealing with his behaviour and problems

You have a husband problem rather than a child problem.

Kids are hard work. I get everything you’ve said. They still both bypass dad to ask me something. Even if I’m in bed trying to sleep. Time you misplaced the PS4, left the house before dh gets up at the weekend and left him to the kids for a full day. You need to work our self time and family time every week. Dh taking the proverbial but I think you know this and you’re letting it happen by accepting and ignoring it. Time to stand up for yourself and your right to ‘me’ time.

From reading your updates Op it’s is clear the problem is your husband, not your kids

but DH isn’t here Saturday and Sunday he says it’s ‘family time.’

Who says he’s in charge? He doesn’t get to dictate. How convenient that he gets a whole day at the weekend, but you don’t.

Take every Sunday for yourself. Just take them, don’t ask for permission. Get up and go!

The half day that you spend doing housework are not “me time”. Or if they are, use that time to do things just for you and don’t rush around before and after sorting everyone else out.

You need to find your righteous anger. Start claiming your time and space (physical and mental)

OP, these are just a few of the many, many reasons why I didn't want to have children! I have never regretted it!

Regarding the cooking, I am afraid I would cook one thing that generally suited everybody, and if they don't like it, they lump it!

Urgh sorry OP but your DH is an arse. What a cushty deal he has. I'm so angry at him. The problem is, if you carry on like this your DC will think it's normal

I'm sorry, but having read your updates, you really need to start sticking up for yourself.

Why is your 12 year old asking you to play chess at 10 pm, shouldn't he be in bed? My 11 year old has to be in bed by 8!

You are allowed to say no.
The phrases "Daddy is also your parent/an adult" "ask daddy" "daddy's over there, ask him, I'm doing X".

Cook a meal that you want to eat and let the others choose whether or not they eat it. Why should your DH be asking for a different meal than the kids? If he wants something different, he cooks it himself. 12 year old can also help you with the cooking.

Ok, so Sunday is family time. Then you each get every other Saturday as your time.

I can hear how fed up you are and I do understand how you are feeling. The problem here is not you, not your DC but your DH! You say you have given up and just act like he's not there. Why not make that formal? If you are separated then at least you might have every other weekend off while the kids are with him! You need some time to yourself. I work 4 days a week just now, and my day off is spent doing shopping/cleaning/laundry. My DH works full time, very long hours and is away a lot in the week. He realises this and does plenty with the kids at the weekend to give me peace. He takes them out on bike rides, takes them to town to spend their pocket money, does the bedtimr routine with DS2. He'll even hand me a glass of wine on his way up the stairs! Seriously, you should not be accepting that your DH is so lazy and unhelpful.