To think once you have dc your whole life becomes a series of things you don’t want to do?

[Milkminder]

Mine is. It’s constant.
Today I got up early to take dc1 to school. Then came back and listened to dc2 read (painful) and then took dc2 to school. Went to work. Went and fetched the dc. Took them to the park for an hour (massively boring). Got back. Cooked something they’d both eat and something else for DH that he’d eat, didn’t even bother making anything for myself because frankly it was too much effort. Did craft with dc2. Helped dc1 with homework. Played cricket with dc1. Bathed dc2 and listened to them scream about how they hated having a bath. Now I’m about to do bedtime stories for dc2 before going and playing a board game with dc1.

The weekend will consist of activities they want to do and I find deathly boring.

Does everyone find it deathly boring? I wonder if I shouldn’t have had dc as I’m too selfish. I just find it SUCH HARD WORK and feel as though I only ever get to do what they want to do.
The weekend will be football sessions, swimming and then a trip to a farm - I don’t want to do any of those things.

It sounds like you do a lot with your kids when they could be entertaining themselves. My Mum worked late a lot and I don't ever remember playing a board game with her. Nor going to a farm or swimming. Take back some of your time. Your life doesn't have to 100% revolve on kids' maximum enjoyment. They've got to learn about coping when adults have chores / interests.

Time off is all. I get to the point where I can't stand my kids, but then I get time off and I love them again.

I needed to see this thread.
I always think it’s just me who finds it all so fucking boring and hard work.
Yanbu

Why on earth do women tolerate this shit!
You can do no to your kids sometimes you know 🙄

OP I feel your pain at times. Yes the little tykes take all my time. Scream and demand, throw food and toys at my head (and siblings). But it will go in a flash. AND the upside is to see their little faces on Xmas day, those wonderful cuddles that only a mummy can experience. The giggles and even the sulks are so fleeting. But yes it can be bloody boring (especially as I've put a fulfilling career on hold to raise my kids). But seriously it won't last long, and then we'll be looking back on the good ol' days of our babies being babies. Even now I feel so sad that even my youngest is now two. Kids are magical and q blessing. I actually feel sorry for those who haven't experienced parenthood (this might be an unpopular opinion to vocalise (.

Why did you have children? Surely you would have known what it involved, and that you wouldn’t fancy doing things like that? I loved doing those sort of things with my kids - precious memories. Your post is really sad.

Train them to get their own breakfast and make coffee asap.
I don't know why so many people have them and then moan about what is involved in parenting. Having kids is not compulsory you know, lots of people choose not to.

I lasted 12 weeks before I employed a nanny who didn’t mind throwing the vaccine round and went back to work full time.

As someone who has chosen not to have children, from the outside looking in parenting seems to consist of a lot of standing around in very cold places watching your kids do things.

Why have children?

FFS! NO ONE knows what its like to have a child until they have one, and no one knows what its like to have two children until they have another one!

Presumably the OP didnt decide to have kids with a staggeringly lazy man who fucks off every weekend, doesnt pull his weight in the house and expects gourmet meals every night.

It happens to a lot of us. We get together with a nice kind 50/50 man and then we have a family and at some point they realise that if they do nothing we will have no choice but to step up and do it. So they sit on their arses and act all put out when we call them on it.

Why is everyone blaming the OP for having children at all when its clear that the kids are not the problem but the absent other parent/man child.

THIS WOMAN HAS A TERRIBLE HUSBAND. SHE IS NOT A TERRIBLE MOTHER. SHE IS A VERY ENGAGED AND CARING WOMAN WHO UNFORTUNATELY SADDLED HERSELF TO A DICKHEAD.

SHE NEEDS TO FEEL STRONG ENOUGH TO TELL HIM TO FUCK OFF.

THAT IS ALL.

Haven't read all the comments but have you seen a GP to rule out depression?

Lack of energy, not finding pleasure in things, a sense of greyness.

I mean a lot of parenting is repetitive grunt work but there should also be at least flashes of joy/silliness/pride right?

@DifferentHair, she wouldn't be depressed if she wasn't married to him.

Please correct me if I am wrong (I often am!) but you cannot force an NRP to see the DC at all, can you? As far as I understood, the only obligation is to pay maintenance. Is that right?

Lots of kid stuff is not particularly fun for adults. What is enjoyable for adults is watching how delighted your much loved child is at going to the farm, playground etc. I find my joy is more than doubled when I have someone else, i.e. their other parent, to share this with. It is also very important to have child free self care time to yourself.

You are essentially a sole parent at the moment so it’s unsurprising that you’re burnt out. You are with a joy sucking lump who is making you resentful and causing you to dislike time spent with your children. If you got rid you would probably have EOW free. If not, at least you wouldn’t have the PS4 in your bedroom (WTF) or as much cleaning/laundry to do for him.

OP, kick your useless, selfish arse of a husband out up the arse and stop martyring yourself.

I have no compunction about saying to my children that I need some time to myself and to please leave me alone for 20 minutes or so. Equally, pre- Covid, a weekend would involve a nice pub lunch, wine and the papers for me, whilst they did Lego, read or went on screens. Both have SEN but can understand that we all get to do what we each want, sometimes, and we take turns.

You are right @ViciousJackdaw. No. You can't force a reluctant parent to actually be a parent.

All you can do is force them to pay up. And if they're a truly terrible person, they'll try to abdicate that responsibility.

It's very easy to be strong when you're strong. Women who are able to advocate are able to advocate.

It's not hard.

Because we were taught to be able.

I thought the whole point of ECAs was that you left your children there and went and did your own thing. I have never stood and watched dc do any activity.

Agree with those pp who have shouted out non parents. Sorry, but how on earth can you possibly understand what it's like to be a parent 24/7. OP you are doing fine, but you sound like you need a little break. Your husband needs to step up. Time for some deep talking. But yes, parenting can be laborious but also the most rewarding experience in the world.

The word bollockry needs to be added to the English language. It's great.

@PyjamaFan

This is precisely why I chose not to have children.

Sane here. The thought of living that way is so repugnant.

@ShrikeAttack

I see posts and posts about these useless fuckers, and have friends in RL who tolerate this bollockry.

I'm not blaming women for 'putting up with it', I always assume when I read and hear about these situations, that the women in question (and the useless man), both had really shitty fathers that set a really crappy example, and so it goes on.

BUT , the great news is, you can break that chain. YOU have the power to say, 'Fuck this shit, this isn't what I want for me or my children', forget your husband, he's a gonner, he's not going to change, but your daughter? Your son? There's a chance that they could make better choices and lives if you model what they could and should be.

It might not seem like an easy option now, but you're doing it all anyway. Why not do it on your terms?

Someone should laminate this post and duct tape it to all the useless bastardized.

You perhaps should not have had any children, if this is your take on life. and you wanted to be a free agent. How on earth can you say things are always boring ,bringing up your children, and teaching them lots of things etc. Saying that you don't wish to do much with your children,is quite odd and a bit shocking really.

Certain ages, (and certain DC) are harder than others. I felt like you when mine were little, but now they're great company.