To think that MIL is being totally unreasonable?

[stinkymalinki]

MIL phoned this evening, to inform us that she will be coming down to stay at the end of the month for 4 days, and that she isn't happy that they have had to book into a hotel (basically intimating that we should give up our bed for them, despite the fact that i have a back problem, or turf DS out of his room), and that if it weren't for her, DH wouldn't have been able to buy the house etc (incidentally, this was all long before i came along!) etc etc...you get the general idea.

Well, aside from all the ranting (sadly quite normal for her), the main point in this is that we were completely unaware
that she was planning this visit - we were not asked if it was ok, if the dates were acceptable or anything. As it is, DH is in the middle of nights for the first 2 days, so its not very practical. I understand that she wants to come and see her grandson, but i just wish everything didn't always have to be on her terms

AIBU?

I'm sorry but there is no way I would uproot my kids out of their own beds for dh's parents to come and stay despite them being happy to move rooms and the reward is for them to spend time with their grandparents.

It is more important to me for my kids to sleep in their own beds and get a good nights sleep.

Message withdrawn

I agree with you too Belgo fwiw.

I do agree that the OP's MIL is being totally unreasonable about inviting themselves at short notice with no consultation, but I think that's a separate issue. It doesn't harm anyone to shift beds for a couple of nights - we always did as kids to accommodate our grandparents and my kids do now when PIL come to stay (dd just moves into ds' room and they think it is fab to share).

I agree with Belgo.

In fact, when family members have come to stay before, I have had both my children in our room, leaving the other 2 bedroom for our guests.

I love people dropping by unexpectedly, so I guess that makes all the difference?

It has been known that my nieces & nephews come to visit & end up staying over! Now they know to pack a bag even if they are just dropping by for an hour or two!

As much as I think your MIL should have checked with you before booking a trip to yours, you do have to remember that your dh is her son... would you like to think that some day a woman will want to keep you from staying in the same house as your son?

I am married to an only son btw.....

Belgo - if it were a viable option, of course i'd just move my DS out of his room into ours so they could stay in there, but its a tiny boxroom with barely enough room to swing a cat!

My issue has always been that she has told us they are coming down, and expecting us to automatically put our lives on hold for them, rather than asking us, and likewise she told us that they have booked a hotel, before we could sort anything else out.

And believe me, its not an issue of her not liking to ask, as she has no problems in that dept (note my post of 21:11 where she's demanding that DH swaps shifts!), and nor is it an issue of them not being invited - i have always been keen to foster a strong relationship between them and DS, so we regularly invite them but they choose not to visit. Their loss.

Well, tell him to stop being stuck in the middle and back you up.

Sorry, that last post sounded a bit defensive I guess this topic has just touched a nerve.

My issue with this, as put in my OP, was that MIL has invited herself to stay without any prior consultation with us. All the rest is incidental, but prompted by her, ie i wouldn't have had a problem re-jigging family sleeping arrangements (not ideal, but i would have done it) so that they could have stayed here, but remember that she booked the hotel then told us they were coming down, and then moaned in that same phonecall as to why she had booked a hotel (IMO condemning us without giving us a chance, and no this is not based on any past experience of coming down here!)

DH already has a terrible relationship with his mother, so i am not going to rock the boat further. Believe it or not, i actually get on ok with the woman when she's not being like this! And the most important thing of all is that i want DS to have a great relationship with his gran.

(also as an aside it turns out that they are bringing DH's nan with them too, something that didn't come out in the original telephone call, and short of building an extension or us sleeping in a tent in the garden, we'd never have room for them all anyway!)

stinky - well you're in a bit of a quandry then aren't you? You don't want to rock the boat with dh and his relationship with his parents, you want your ds to have a good relationship with his grandparents yet you don't like the fact they arrange to visit without prior consultation with you?

Have you actually told your MIL that you would prefer to discuss them visiting before she makes her plans definite?

If I were you I'd put my foot down a bit more and show some authority otherwise it will snowball and she will expect you all to fall in place, change your plans, accommodate them when THEY want you to, especially if you do invite them over and they say no.

I think the parent/child thing exists no matter how old we are and whether or not we are adults!!!

It pisses me off when DH says, "I don't want to take sides," when what he actually means is "I'm not willing to stick my neck out and support you." Particularly when I'm right!And I speak as one who actually loves my in-laws very much, which is worse, because I don't complain very often, so would like him to acknowledge that if I am hacked off, it's with good reason. Oh, and he's more than willing to take sides (that is, against me) when I'm cross with my own family.