Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH - first dibs on car use?

154 replies

Whippet · 19/05/2021 11:25

OK, I know this is first world probs etc and I'll try to keep it short.
At the moment we have 3 cars and 4 of us at home (Me, DH, two young adult DSs)

Cars are:

  • A 5 door SUV (e.g. Qashqai), 1.6L - "main car" in my name - only DH & I can drive
  • An old, small 1L 'runaround' 2 dr hatchback - all can drive
  • A classic sports car (expensive) - mostly kept in garage - Only DH can drive

To avoid drip-feeding, the sports car is a bit of a bone of contention, as I didn't agree with DH buying it. It's noisy and uncomfortable and I don't want to drive it / won't go anywhere in it (it gives me backache!).

DH is going to see his dad this weekend ( about 100 miles away). His dad has been unwell and they are unlikely to leave the house/go anywhere. FIL has his own car too, which DH is insured to drive. There's also the chance his trip will spill into next week, if his dad needs his help.

Anyway . . . this morning DH announces that he'll be taking the 'main' car this weekend as it's more comfortable on the motorway and better for FIL if they go out.

I said I thought he should take his sports car instead as that would leave 2 cars here for 3 of us, and also the bigger car in case the 3 of us want to go out together (there was discussion of a trip to a big retail park about 40 mins away).
DH has taken his sports car ("to give it a run") to his dad's before, so I don't see what the issue is? But he claims I'm being unreasonable and I have to "justify and tell him what I need the bigger car for" (WTF?)

AIBU?

OP posts:
Xiaoxiong · 19/05/2021 11:28

He's only thinking about himself, isn't he. I'd say "we're going to the retail park while you're away, so we need the bigger car - you can take FIL's car if he wants to go out."

(Don't say you may or may not go to the retail park - present as a fait accompli. You can always change your mind later if necessary!)

UCOinanOCG · 19/05/2021 11:28

He should take his sports car to leave you the two cars that you can share. If he needs to take his DF out he can use his car.

midgedude · 19/05/2021 11:29

If he leaves you the sports car you could volunteer to trade it in for something more practical

JackieWeaverFever · 19/05/2021 11:30

No tough shit you are going to the retail park. Definitely.
And you need it.

He wants an annoying impractical car he gets to use it.
And you get the car you picked that actually works and is nice to drive.

RickiTarr · 19/05/2021 11:31

@midgedude

If he leaves you the sports car you could volunteer to trade it in for something more practical
This.
CuriousaboutSamphire · 19/05/2021 11:32

@midgedude

If he leaves you the sports car you could volunteer to trade it in for something more practical
That! It obvioulsly doesn't have a real purpose in anyone's life if even he thinks it is not his 'go to' car for non family trips.

His toy, his trip, his car!

Make this the hill that car dies on Smile

Original poster
Whippet · 19/05/2021 11:33

And you get the car you picked that actually works and is nice to drive

well yes, this is exactly what I think!

OP posts:
AnExcellentWalker · 19/05/2021 11:34

He chose to get the impractical car, he uses it. Consequence of the choice he made.

araiwa · 19/05/2021 11:34

So you don't have any plans and you want his father to use a car that you say you can't even use because it's uncomfortable.

It all seems churlish and unnecessary

CuriousaboutSamphire · 19/05/2021 11:36

@araiwa

So you don't have any plans and you want his father to use a car that you say you can't even use because it's uncomfortable.

It all seems churlish and unnecessary

OP said that his dad has a car her DH is insured to drive!

FIL has his own car too, which DH is insured to drive.

Original poster
Whippet · 19/05/2021 11:37

@araiwa

So you don't have any plans and you want his father to use a car that you say you can't even use because it's uncomfortable.

It all seems churlish and unnecessary

His father has his own 4 door comfortable car which DH is insured to drive.
OP posts:
araiwa · 19/05/2021 11:39

The point remains. Op has no plan to use the car and there is a spare car at home

Original poster
Whippet · 19/05/2021 11:43

@araiwa

The point remains. Op has no plan to use the car and there is a spare car at home
But it's only Wednesday! I wasn't aware that I had to publish my plans for the weekend in advance Hmm

The DSs talked about going to a retail outlet - it's 40-50 min drive, mostly on motorway. The old 1L runaround really isn't great for this sort of thing - it just isn't powerful enough for 2, letalone 3 adults.
If they go and I don't, then I will have no car to do anything else (meet friends for lunch/ go for a walk etc)

OP posts:
Palavah · 19/05/2021 11:48

No question, he should take the sports car. Why does he have it if he's not going to use it for trips like this?

araiwa · 19/05/2021 11:48

You can't go for a walk because you don't have a car? Lol

You've jumped the shark in terms of being difficult for no reason

JudgeJ · 19/05/2021 11:50

@midgedude

If he leaves you the sports car you could volunteer to trade it in for something more practical
Better still, get yourself some insurance and take it out for a spin, far more fun than a grotty mini-van style of 'family car'! When I had a small sports car a cousin who was awaiting a hip replacement said it was the most comfortable car she's ever been in, her legs her straight out rather than bent in an upright sitting position!
Original poster
Whippet · 19/05/2021 11:52

@araiwa

You can't go for a walk because you don't have a car? Lol

You've jumped the shark in terms of being difficult for no reason

Ah, I see you're one of those posters! Hmm

I won't be able to drive to meet my friends (who don't live in my village) for lunch and a walk ...

There, that better for you?

OP posts:
FOJN · 19/05/2021 11:53

I don't think it's relevant whether you have plans or not.Your husband chose a car which is impractical for the things he needs it for. By insisting he takes the main family car he effectively reduces the available vehicles in the household from 3 to 1. This is selfish and unreasonable and with 3 cars in the household it is not unreasonable for to expect to have a comfortable vehicle for your own use to go wherever the hell you like without having to explain yourself.

Perhaps suggest he insures your sons on the sports car and see how he responds, I'd bet money he's not keen on the idea.

DancesWithTortoises · 19/05/2021 11:56

@araiwa has cornered the market in churlish and unnecessary

araiwa · 19/05/2021 11:59

Oh you're one of those posters

Post on aibu then whinge if someone doesn't agree with you

I'd feel much happier letting my dh taking the 'good car' on a long distance trip considering I don't have any plans myself yet

Weenurse · 19/05/2021 11:59

I would suggest he trades the sports car in on a more comfortable car.
He can take his Dad out looking while he is there. Will need to drive the sports car so he can get trade in valuation

DeciduousPerennial · 19/05/2021 12:01

The sports car is HIS sole car, he takes that.

If it’s not practical for HIM to use HIS car then HIS car isn’t practical, and he can sell HIS car for something which suits HIM better, can’t he?

The main car stays at home with you where it should be since you will need it.

Original poster
Whippet · 19/05/2021 12:03

To be honest, as my title suggests, it is more the fact that he just announced this that p*sses me off!
If he'd said 'I'd prefer to take the main car this weekend, will that cause any issues' then we could have had a discussion about it. It's the fact that he automatically assumes we will all fit in with him.

OP posts:
JackieTheFart · 19/05/2021 12:05

So he bought a car which isn’t comfortable to drive but that only HE can drive, but doesn’t want to use it?

He can get to fuck. Maybe once he gets back from his dads he can trade it in for something more appropriate if it’s not suitable.

DeciduousPerennial · 19/05/2021 12:05

If he was 6’ 6” and you’d INSISTED on buying a fiat 500 as a third car that he wouldn’t fit into over his objections, and then this weekend decided to take the main car to visit your mother, who has a perfectly suitable 4 door car that you can drive, I’m pretty sure he’d be most cross.