DH - first dibs on car use?

[Whippet]

OK, I know this is first world probs etc and I'll try to keep it short.
At the moment we have 3 cars and 4 of us at home (Me, DH, two young adult DSs)

Cars are:

• A 5 door SUV (e.g. Qashqai), 1.6L - "main car" in my name - only DH & I can drive
• An old, small 1L 'runaround' 2 dr hatchback - all can drive
• A classic sports car (expensive) - mostly kept in garage - Only DH can drive

To avoid drip-feeding, the sports car is a bit of a bone of contention, as I didn't agree with DH buying it. It's noisy and uncomfortable and I don't want to drive it / won't go anywhere in it (it gives me backache!).

DH is going to see his dad this weekend ( about 100 miles away). His dad has been unwell and they are unlikely to leave the house/go anywhere. FIL has his own car too, which DH is insured to drive. There's also the chance his trip will spill into next week, if his dad needs his help.

Anyway . . . this morning DH announces that he'll be taking the 'main' car this weekend as it's more comfortable on the motorway and better for FIL if they go out.

I said I thought he should take his sports car instead as that would leave 2 cars here for 3 of us, and also the bigger car in case the 3 of us want to go out together (there was discussion of a trip to a big retail park about 40 mins away).
DH has taken his sports car ("to give it a run") to his dad's before, so I don't see what the issue is? But he claims I'm being unreasonable and I have to "justify and tell him what I need the bigger car for" (WTF?)

AIBU?

Tell him you have arranged to take a friend shopping that means driving down at least a mile of muddy, bumpy, potholed road to collect them, then loading the car with stuff. So if you haven't got the 'family' car, you'll have to take DH sports car.

Or just tell him you will be trading his 'precious' for another family car, since he clearly doesn't want to drive it.

@freakyfridays

So I think you need to look at upgrading the "boys" car to something that is more practical for 4 people so that there are two useful vehicles

Absolutely.
Bit too late for this weekend, but having the smaller car sounds pointless if you can't even drive with 3 people in it.

To be fair, the smaller car was only meant to be a cheap runaround. It is very cheap to run and insure for young drivers and our sons would normally be away at uni (without a car), so there's no sense in replacing it at the moment.

If even he doesn’t want to drive it for what on the face of it seems an ideal opportunity (solo visit, no big luggage etc) then he needs to sell it and buy something he is willing to drive. What’s the point in it if even he finds it unpleasant to drive?!

Can he get the train?
Then he can use his dads car.

It's just one weekend OP, or does this happen often? Pre COVID who kept the nice car all day usually? If it's a one-off I couldn't get worked up about it!

Oh the joy of cars.
OP my DH bought a mid life ridiculous car about 6/7 years ago (without consultation). It is frankly an expensive and impractical pain in the arse but at least he had the good grace to put me on the insurance. I drive it when I need to.

My car, similar genre to yours, however, is MY car and I have first dibs on it and he wouldn't dream of expecting to use it without consultation.

Like you we have two dc in their early 20s who are at uni but who have cars here. One decent ish now (which can be used as a practical small car) and one ancient principally for building dd's ncb.

This sounds like a boundary and potentially a misogynistic issue to me rather than purely a car issue.

I would have sided with your DH on the grounds that you don't have firm plans for the weekend and the plans you do have can be accommodated, though it might be a bit unpleasant.

But the fact that he chose this impractical sports car which he now doesn't feel like driving swings it for me. What is the point of it? I like the idea of letting him take the family car on this occasion provided he agrees to trade the sports car in for something practical.

If I were in your DH's shoes I would never admit that there was any circumstance under which I didn't like driving my sports car. I would come up with many excuses for its continued presence. I would certainly take it up to my dad's and suffer in silence all the way.

@araiwa

Oh you're one of those posters

Post on aibu then whinge if someone doesn't agree with you

I'd feel much happier letting my dh taking the 'good car' on a long distance trip considering I don't have any plans myself yet

Whereas you fail to read the OP, stick the boot in based on your own error then rather than admit you were wrong tie yourself in knots trying to 'prove' how unreasonable the OP is for potentially wanting to use the family car with her family this weekend.

Do remind us again @araiwa what is your excellent rationale for the DH not driving his own car that he chose, to his father's and instead taking the family car and thus preventing his family from going out this weekend?

Yanbu

Tell him he either takes the sports car, or he can trade the car in for something more decent as he obviously isn’t fond to use it

But you still have wheels regardless of what he does? I'm not sure I'd get too addled about this to be honest.

It's a rare model and he also claims its an investment.

That would be a good reason.

No idea on the car, but you don't take a classic car up and down the motorway when you have an unused modern Japanese economic sat on the driveway. Classic sports cars are for the occasional hoon around the countryside

Sounds like our set up OP, we have 3 cars although currently both our DC are actually in the uni towns so their run around is just sitting on the drive with a flat battery, that DH keeps promising to sort. DH has his fantasy/mid-life crisis car but fortunately it is more practical than an old sports car so he does drive it, nobody else does as the insurance is ridiculous and he worries about every spec of dirt so I would be in a constant state if anxiety. My solution is to make sure that I have my own car, that like your 4x4 is practical and takes 4 adults. For me to give this up for a weekend so DH could visit someone where he had access to another car would require a lot of thought and persuasion.

If his car is not practical is the solution for him to hire a car and would this make him think again about either upgrading the runaround or getting something more practical?

@araiwa

It's a rare model and he also claims its an investment.

That would be a good reason.

No idea on the car, but you don't take a classic car up and down the motorway when you have an unused modern Japanese economic sat on the driveway. Classic sports cars are for the occasional hoon around the countryside

If you can afford to keep a car for ornamental purposes then fine. But you don't prioritise preserving that car and then also assume you can monopolise the family car without any discussion

Unless you're a selfish arsehole

Tell him to hire a car or get the train.

@araiwa

It's a rare model and he also claims its an investment.

That would be a good reason.

No idea on the car, but you don't take a classic car up and down the motorway when you have an unused modern Japanese economic sat on the driveway. Classic sports cars are for the occasional hoon around the countryside

Also well done on appropriating someone else's more reasoned point and totally failing to provide any sort of response yourself to justify any of your earlier comments.

Gosh, sorry that your husband Araiwa found your thread! If he takes your car despite you saying no, think of this weekend as a great opportunity to trade in the unused sports investment for a nice family car. After all, you need something to keep you busy - and investments mature at some point 😉

I think @araiwa is your dh.

I would say the sports car is his default vehicle. The ‘main’ car is your default vehicle, so your prerogative :)

If I were DH I would expect to take the qashqai. I wouldn’t expect to have to provide cars for my adult children to drive, so I would think the nicer/comfier car for the long trip on the motorway, leaving the runaround car for the other person. Just seems totally obvious to me. 3 adults can also fit in a 2 door hatchback so I can’t even see the problem there.

Op said that after I commented

It sounds like it's a rare occurrence. I'd certainly be happier with DH taking a long trip on a motorway in a more modern safe car than an unreliable, less safe car. Particularly if I didn't have any plans yet

OK, so I have plans now!

I am going to see my friend who lives 60 miles away on Saturday.
DS2 needs a car to get to work on Saturday afternoon, but DS1 has said he will drop him off and pick him up, as he (DS1) also has plans . . .

What now, araiwa ???

For safety on the motorway and given the windy rain weather forecast I think he will have to take the family car. But I agree there should have been a discussion rather than an assumption and a classic sports car that only gets used for a local spin in sunny weather really is rather ridiculous.

My ex partner had one of these ridiculous classics and I hated it. No comfort, the noise, lack of suspension and it really wasn’t even that nice but boy did he love posing in it going to classic car shows where there were considerably better specimens on offer to view.

Looks like you will have to delay your own plans but point out that this requires discussion not a one sided decision imposed upon you.

So you made plans after your husband said he wanted the car?

Sounds pretty spiteful to me.

But you enjoy yourself and reflect in the glory of yourself getting one over on your dh

OK, so I have plans now!

fair enough - I did say above your DH is unreasonable.

What he should do really is postpone this weekend and going next weekend if he must take the motorway and not make the most of his classic car - which I honestly believe is silly, what's the point of having a car!

"fine, add the boys to the sports car insurance so we have enough cars to drive between us. I have plans too."

if he refuses then tell him that you need the SUV and he will have to take the sports car.

If DH bought an expensive object (i.e. a car) without my agreement then this would be a hill I died on. Your car, you drive it.