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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH - first dibs on car use?

154 replies

Whippet · 19/05/2021 11:25

OK, I know this is first world probs etc and I'll try to keep it short.
At the moment we have 3 cars and 4 of us at home (Me, DH, two young adult DSs)

Cars are:

  • A 5 door SUV (e.g. Qashqai), 1.6L - "main car" in my name - only DH & I can drive
  • An old, small 1L 'runaround' 2 dr hatchback - all can drive
  • A classic sports car (expensive) - mostly kept in garage - Only DH can drive

To avoid drip-feeding, the sports car is a bit of a bone of contention, as I didn't agree with DH buying it. It's noisy and uncomfortable and I don't want to drive it / won't go anywhere in it (it gives me backache!).

DH is going to see his dad this weekend ( about 100 miles away). His dad has been unwell and they are unlikely to leave the house/go anywhere. FIL has his own car too, which DH is insured to drive. There's also the chance his trip will spill into next week, if his dad needs his help.

Anyway . . . this morning DH announces that he'll be taking the 'main' car this weekend as it's more comfortable on the motorway and better for FIL if they go out.

I said I thought he should take his sports car instead as that would leave 2 cars here for 3 of us, and also the bigger car in case the 3 of us want to go out together (there was discussion of a trip to a big retail park about 40 mins away).
DH has taken his sports car ("to give it a run") to his dad's before, so I don't see what the issue is? But he claims I'm being unreasonable and I have to "justify and tell him what I need the bigger car for" (WTF?)

AIBU?

OP posts:
BillMasen · 19/05/2021 14:59

As the owner of both a comfortable car and a fun car, he takes the fun one. It’s a solo trip, a decent run for it and a perfect opportunity. The only objection I can see is if it’s loads of motorway but even then I’d use it.

If it’s not being used under those circumstances then why have it?

Sparkletastic · 19/05/2021 15:03

If he can't take his toy car for his trip - just him, nice distance, no need to use it at destination other than to return home - when exactly can he use it? I'd very much be pushing that point rather than inconveniencing myself in any way!

mainsfed · 19/05/2021 15:05

YANBU at all. This seems to happen a lot, man chooses impractical and expects woman to sacrifice use of her own practical car when he needs it.

Longdistance · 19/05/2021 15:14

He needs to either get rid of the ‘investment’ uncomfortable sports car or buy himself another car.
I don’t use dh car and he doesn’t use mine if in our own. We’re insured on each other’s cars but he has the SUV and use that as a family car when all of us go out. I have a 4 door coupe I drive to work in and with dds if we go somewhere together.

rookiemere · 19/05/2021 15:18

My friend got round this by buying a Nissan of some description that was apparently too embarrassing for her DH to be seen in. It was needed as her DH bought a 2 seater sports car when his DM who lives locally uses a wheelchair which needs to fit in the boot and they have 2 DCs, he ended up having to buy a cheap people carrier in addition to his boys toy.

Her car needs replacing now and she's annoyed they no longer sell that model.

mainsfed · 19/05/2021 15:23

@rookiemere maybe she should get the Nissan Juke, I see a lot of women driving that!

Waspie · 19/05/2021 15:25

Irrespective of whether you would actually drive the menoporsche I would be telling your husband that he needs to put me on the insurance so that I can drive it to my friend's house 60 miles away.

I bet he changes his mind on which car he wants to take pretty quickly!

But, if this doesn't work and he still wants to take the main car I would spend the next two days on Autotrader looking for a car of my own to buy. One around the same value as the sports car preferably. I would also be discussing loudly the merits of this Merc over that Audi within his hearing Grin

ClarkeGriffin · 19/05/2021 15:27

I'd be telling him he either takes the sports car or it will have been replaced with something more suitable by the time he gets back.

Waspie · 19/05/2021 15:27

Oh crap, terrible grammar, sorry. Although your husband could put me on the insurance and then I'll drive you to your friend's house Whippet. I've always wanted a Porsche Grin

DysmalRadius · 19/05/2021 15:28

Yes, OP - how spiteful of you to have friends and want to see them on your free weekend? You could have seen them at literally any time for the last year and you waited until...oh....wait....

titchy · 19/05/2021 15:29

@araiwa

So you made plans after your husband said he wanted the car?

Sounds pretty spiteful to me.

But you enjoy yourself and reflect in the glory of yourself getting one over on your dh

Lol.

Know your place OP. The man of the house has made his announcement. You may no longer make any plans lest the man have to drive the car he chose.

Horehound · 19/05/2021 15:31

Hmm I'm not sure. My dad has a classic car and it's not great on big journeys.

you should read "invisible women" because there is actually stats/data that says men hog/control the car use more than women.

ohfourfoxache · 19/05/2021 15:35

I think I would be tempted to hide the keys, just in case...

mainsfed · 19/05/2021 15:40

It's the first weekend after stage whatever of lockdown! Lots of people are making last minute plans @araiwa

mainsfed · 19/05/2021 15:40

@ohfourfoxache

I think I would be tempted to hide the keys, just in case...
Yes!
RosesAndHellebores · 19/05/2021 15:52

If I am reading this correctly the "sports car" is not a user friendly vehicle that provides an enjoyable drive. Therefore it should only be kept if there are sufficient to usable vehicles for the entire family. If not, it stops being a luxury/fun item and therefore serves no useful purpose.

altiara · 19/05/2021 16:07

Step 1- If anyone or everyone needs to use a car, you use your own car.
Step 2- if your own car that you chose to buy is unsuitable, ASK to borrow another car and negotiate terms with the car’s owner

It’s clear he’s got your back up by being entitled to first choice of all cars. He should be more considerate, then those who he’s inconveniencing would be considerate in return.

MiddlesexGirl · 19/05/2021 17:01

If his car is that unsuitable that he has to take your/the family car then it makes sense for you to buy your own car for these occasions.

TheLastLotus · 19/05/2021 17:11

Why in God’s name did you buy such a small car for the boys when you have such tall sons?
I agree that YANBU but none of you seems to have sense when it comes to cars

rookiemere · 19/05/2021 17:16

@TheLastLotus presumably the runaround is small because it makes it cheaper to insure and buy. It's fairly common to go for this approach when you have younger drivers.

RedactedTaeFeck · 19/05/2021 17:16

@TheLastLotus

Why in God’s name did you buy such a small car for the boys when you have such tall sons? I agree that YANBU but none of you seems to have sense when it comes to cars
Funny enough, we took 6 foot 3 DS with us trying cars as we were concerned about that issue but it still needed to be cheapish to insure. He struggled in many larger cars but fits in a skoda citigo with room to spare. DH and DS2 are 6'2 so it suits us all.

Worth shopping around but not much room in the back so we stick to shorter journeys if using that. It was more important that they fitted in to drive than be a passenger though.

Kentuki · 19/05/2021 17:17

You take the run around to your friends.

Your kids will have to sort themselves out surely? Why is it his or your problem how they get to work? Sure, if you are feeling really lovely then they can perhaps use the run around IF it’s free, which it won’t be, so they make other arrangements.

Regardless of who takes the big car, I’d absolutely not take a car I didn’t want to drive so that other adults can have their choice of car out of the ones I’d purchased...

TheLastLotus · 19/05/2021 17:24

@rookiemere there are plenty of cheap to insure cars which fit 3 people...in fact I’ve never heard of a car that can’t fit at least 5 except for 2 seaters and a couple of obscure models.
I know this because I’ve been car shopping for the cheapest things I can get my hands on now ... and I’m small.
Unless OP plans to do an entire week’s shop or has a wheelchair. I’d assumed they were going to hang out at the retail park but not buy loads of stuff but I don’t know

WhereYouLeftIt · 19/05/2021 17:28

@tanstaafl

I’m guessing the sports car is clean and the weather forecast for the weekend is rain.
Oh yes Grin! I fully expect that this will be a factor in his decision.

"FIL has his own car too, which DH is insured to drive. There's also the chance his trip will spill into next week, if his dad needs his help."

He should drive his menoporsche (what a great word!) to get to his father's, and once there he has both his own and his dad's car to choose from. That the trip could be for more than just the weekend makes it more important that he does not leave the three of you disadvantaged, whilst the family car sits ide on his dad's drive ("His dad has been unwell and they are unlikely to leave the house/go anywhere.").

A 100 mile run sounds exactly the sort of thing a classic sports car needs to keep it ticking over nicely.

KidneyBeans · 19/05/2021 17:33

@araiwa

So you made plans after your husband said he wanted the car?

Sounds pretty spiteful to me.

But you enjoy yourself and reflect in the glory of yourself getting one over on your dh

Because OP should stay at home all weekend it make her plans a week in advance in order to facilitate her husband's entitled behaviour.

And her not staying at home all weekend whilst he takes the family car despite having a perfectly good one of her own is 'spiteful'

You sound crackers