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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH - first dibs on car use?

154 replies

Whippet · 19/05/2021 11:25

OK, I know this is first world probs etc and I'll try to keep it short.
At the moment we have 3 cars and 4 of us at home (Me, DH, two young adult DSs)

Cars are:

  • A 5 door SUV (e.g. Qashqai), 1.6L - "main car" in my name - only DH & I can drive
  • An old, small 1L 'runaround' 2 dr hatchback - all can drive
  • A classic sports car (expensive) - mostly kept in garage - Only DH can drive

To avoid drip-feeding, the sports car is a bit of a bone of contention, as I didn't agree with DH buying it. It's noisy and uncomfortable and I don't want to drive it / won't go anywhere in it (it gives me backache!).

DH is going to see his dad this weekend ( about 100 miles away). His dad has been unwell and they are unlikely to leave the house/go anywhere. FIL has his own car too, which DH is insured to drive. There's also the chance his trip will spill into next week, if his dad needs his help.

Anyway . . . this morning DH announces that he'll be taking the 'main' car this weekend as it's more comfortable on the motorway and better for FIL if they go out.

I said I thought he should take his sports car instead as that would leave 2 cars here for 3 of us, and also the bigger car in case the 3 of us want to go out together (there was discussion of a trip to a big retail park about 40 mins away).
DH has taken his sports car ("to give it a run") to his dad's before, so I don't see what the issue is? But he claims I'm being unreasonable and I have to "justify and tell him what I need the bigger car for" (WTF?)

AIBU?

OP posts:
Onairjunkie · 19/05/2021 12:35

@Whippet I was referring to MN generally with that viewpoint. Many a thread has featured women saying they were too frightened of certain cars, too worried about driving them and only their partners or husbands could drive them. It bothers me because it’s daft and unhelpful.

TheLastLotus · 19/05/2021 12:36

YANBU tell him to use his silly car

Tartyflette · 19/05/2021 12:38

Clearly your DH doesn't want to drive his Dad's car either I'm wondering if it's an old fart-- man car 😉 and he prefers the big 'macho' suv. (In his mind, anyway).
Tough luck for him.

Disfordarkchocolate · 19/05/2021 12:41

So he's taken his sports car to his Dad's before and realised its actually a crap car. Noisy, uncomfortable and not as safe. Tough luck that is. If there is one car that only he can drive he gets to take that one.

DorisLessingsCat · 19/05/2021 12:42

YANBU. He chose the sports car to suit him. He can't inconvenience the rest of the family as a result.

AmberIsACertainty · 19/05/2021 12:43

@araiwa

The point remains. Op has no plan to use the car and there is a spare car at home
So OP isn't allowed to make any last minute plans then over the coming week? And there's 3 people at home who might want to use the 1 car her DH is planning on leaving behind which they can drive.

OP YANBU DH should take the sports car. As he's so keen on people justifying themselves tell him he doesn't have justification for leaving you all with only one car (reasons he gave aren't good enough).

Eddielzzard · 19/05/2021 12:44

As he tried to lay down the law with telling you how it will be, I would do the same back. No, he takes his stupid sports car. Ask him how reasonable it is to expect you and your 2 DS's to sit in the small car on the highway just so that he can sit in luxury on his own on the highway?

DeadlyMedally · 19/05/2021 12:46

If you have plans, tell your husband and he'll leave the car
If you don't, let him take the car.
Is this really what marriage is?

OldEvilOwl · 19/05/2021 12:46

He can take his own car, very selfish of him

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/05/2021 12:47

FIL has his own car too, which DH is insured to drive.

^^
This is key to me - he doesn’t need to take the family car

Also key is the fact you didn’t want to get the sports car. I’d say to him, you take it or I’ll sell it.

bigbluebus · 19/05/2021 12:49

What is it about men and their impractical cars? Was it his mid life crisis purchase OP.
My DH bought a totally impractical car when he turned 40 - although it was an additional car - we still had another car each. BUT, I couldn't go out in it with him as we had 2 young children including one who was a permanent wheelchair user so she couldn't get in it. Another friend's husband bought a 2+2 sports car after they had just had twins - in addition to the 2 children they already had! They divorced a few years later and not only did he have the 4 DCs every other weekend but initially he had to take her car for the weekend too!
I also didn't like driving DHs car as it had wide wheels and no power steering so was heavy to drive plus I felt like I was getting up off the floor when I got out of it after the comfort of stepping out of my people carrier.
Put your foot down, tell him you need the car at the weekend and if he doesn't like driving his toy then it's time to sell it and get something practical.

MrKlaw · 19/05/2021 12:50

it sounds like his car is old and a bit old-fashioned (hard suspension, uncomfortable seats etc) so its perhaps a 'runaround' for the odd summer day trip around the back rounds for 30 minutes. Probably doesn't sound very comfortable for a longer motorway journey of 90-120 mins.

So I can understand why he's preferring the 'family' car.

Yes he could have asked if there were any plans, or he could have simply assumed that as nobody had mentioned, there weren't any (or when he mentioned, thats the time to say there were alternatives). If you didn't speak up then it'll just cement in his mind its fine and available. If you were going to retail park, would you normally check if anyone needed the car, or would you also have assumed it was available if nobody else mentions something?

This isn't necessary a big thing, but if you start to do this more often, it may be a good time to discuss having more options (=more flexible cars that everyone can drive)

tanstaafl · 19/05/2021 12:52

I’m guessing the sports car is clean and the weather forecast for the weekend is rain.

AmberIsACertainty · 19/05/2021 12:52

I missed the bit about who's names they're in. This is ridiculous. The sports car belongs to DH. The SUV belongs to you. The runaround belongs to DS. DH takes his own car, simple. Remind him you don't live in 1800s so "what's mine is mine, what's yours is mine too and don't you dare complain" doesn't cut it any more.

someonelockthefridgealready · 19/05/2021 12:54

Well, obviously he should take the sports car.

The bigger question is - is he always a selfish twat?

SilverGlassHare · 19/05/2021 12:56

@araiwa

The point remains. Op has no plan to use the car and there is a spare car at home
The point doesn't remain - you have no point. DH can use his own car to run up the motorway, and his dad's car while he stays there, and the family car can be used by OP and her family who remain at home, for whatever excursion they please.

You're just being obstreperous because you always like to play devil's advocate on AIBU. Don't think we don't notice.

rookiemere · 19/05/2021 12:56

Nope he takes the sports car, otherwise you have nothing to drive for the weekend. If it's not comfortable enough for a medium length journey, then he needs to replace it. I'd absolutely be putting my foot down about this one as have been in similar situations before. Besides if you let it go once, it will become the default.

Thehop · 19/05/2021 12:57

Tell him if he leaves you with the spurts car you’re trading the bloody thing in.

Selfish bombastic arse, demanding you justify using your own car!

SilverGlassHare · 19/05/2021 12:57

@araiwa

You can't go for a walk because you don't have a car? Lol

You've jumped the shark in terms of being difficult for no reason

The irony.
Wam90 · 19/05/2021 12:58

I think I’d be annoyed like you about the last minute decision making and being told that’s the car he’s taking, but also I’d probably just let him take it knowing that it’ll be safer on such a long journey compared to a sports car. I’d just make him pay the following weekend and drag him round the retail park!

Malacath · 19/05/2021 12:59

Why did he buy the sports car anyway if he doesn't jump at the chance to drive it Hmm

YADNBU, I wouldn't be impressed to be told something like this, instead of it being a discussion.

Beamur · 19/05/2021 12:59

I'd prefer my DH took the car that was safest and most comfortable for a long drive.
Tbh I think that would trump my possible lunch date with friends and I furthermore would get myself insured on the sports car so I could use it too.

SofiaMichelle · 19/05/2021 13:04

@Tartyflette

Clearly your DH doesn't want to drive his Dad's car either I'm wondering if it's an old fart-- man car 😉 and he prefers the big 'macho' suv. (In his mind, anyway). Tough luck for him.
A Nissan Qashqai is a 'big macho SUV' ?

Interesting description!

Chewbecca · 19/05/2021 13:04

Why can only DH drive the sports car? Getting you insured on it is an obvious solution. If he doesn’t want that then I would suggest changing it for something that’s more useful.

Cushionsnotpillows · 19/05/2021 13:05

You can safely ignore that poster OP, they just get their kicks out of being obnoxious all over the site.

Definitely time for "a chat" about his impractical car and yes I agree, the fact there is a car at his Dad's makes it even more frustrating!

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