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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH - first dibs on car use?

154 replies

Whippet · 19/05/2021 11:25

OK, I know this is first world probs etc and I'll try to keep it short.
At the moment we have 3 cars and 4 of us at home (Me, DH, two young adult DSs)

Cars are:

  • A 5 door SUV (e.g. Qashqai), 1.6L - "main car" in my name - only DH & I can drive
  • An old, small 1L 'runaround' 2 dr hatchback - all can drive
  • A classic sports car (expensive) - mostly kept in garage - Only DH can drive

To avoid drip-feeding, the sports car is a bit of a bone of contention, as I didn't agree with DH buying it. It's noisy and uncomfortable and I don't want to drive it / won't go anywhere in it (it gives me backache!).

DH is going to see his dad this weekend ( about 100 miles away). His dad has been unwell and they are unlikely to leave the house/go anywhere. FIL has his own car too, which DH is insured to drive. There's also the chance his trip will spill into next week, if his dad needs his help.

Anyway . . . this morning DH announces that he'll be taking the 'main' car this weekend as it's more comfortable on the motorway and better for FIL if they go out.

I said I thought he should take his sports car instead as that would leave 2 cars here for 3 of us, and also the bigger car in case the 3 of us want to go out together (there was discussion of a trip to a big retail park about 40 mins away).
DH has taken his sports car ("to give it a run") to his dad's before, so I don't see what the issue is? But he claims I'm being unreasonable and I have to "justify and tell him what I need the bigger car for" (WTF?)

AIBU?

OP posts:
BiddyPop · 19/05/2021 12:05

HIBU.

He needs to take HIS car for the weekend trip. He can use DFIL car if there is a need for both to go out while there.

Meanwhile, you need a reliable car over the weekend, and potentially into next week. You have plans as a family to go out which require the larger car, and you also need to have means of transport available while he is away that is not reliant on DSs staying at home.

And particularly as the "family" car is in your name, that presumes that it is YOUR car and that the sports car is HIS car. You have a need for your car, so it is not up for discussion.

He could always look at other cars available to trade in the sports car for something still "fun" but a bit more practical while he is away....

stuckinarutatwork · 19/05/2021 12:08

I don't know. If he was off on a lads' weekend I'd say YWNBU.
However, he's off doing his dad a favour and I can see why the bigger car might be more attractive for such a fairly long journey (that may be mentally draining if dad is quite needy).
It's one weekend for which you haven't already got firm plans. You and your sons could go to the retail park one evening / next weekend. You still have access to a car (and your needs trump those of your sons assuming it's a family car not 'theirs'). I'm sure your friends could drive to meet you for a one-off if you explained you were carless.
Let DH take the car and perhaps have a serious chat soon about his sports car not being so practical now that DDad is getting older and needing more support.

Indoorcamping · 19/05/2021 12:09

Hide the keys to both the main car and the run around.

He wanted the impractical sports car

Xiaoxiong · 19/05/2021 12:11

As I said - he's only thinking about himself. "I'm travelling, what car will I be most comfortable in on the motorway". Then he announced to the family what will suit him best without considering the knock on effects on the rest of you, especially as it sounds like you live somewhere pretty rural.

"I'm going to take the big car this weekend"
"Er, were you going to ask if that worked for the rest of us first?"
"Oh, why wouldn't it work for the rest of you"
"We're going to the retail park and need the bigger car, if you take my car we can't go"

Original poster
Whippet · 19/05/2021 12:13

The small car is in older DS's name, although both use it and we pay for insurance. It's mostly referred to as 'their car' so I feel they would have priority of use over the weekend.

Friends still aren't keen to car share yet.

OP posts:
rossclare · 19/05/2021 12:13

Personally i wouldn't want my DH driving that distance in a classic sports car as they aren't as safe as modern cars.

pickingdaisies · 19/05/2021 12:14

So he's happy to potentially leave either you or the ds' carless, so he gets a comfier drive, then once he's at his dad's he'll have the choice of two cars , while you and sons have one to share between the three of you? Sell the sports car while he's away, he's obviously not that fond of it

Acovic · 19/05/2021 12:15

His ridiculous car he drives it and uses his Dad's car if they go out together.

Mind you if his Dad is anything like mine the sports car always wins (my DBro has a similarly impractical sports car and my Dad LOVES it. We think he enjoys seeing the car more than DBro).

The sports car does cause domestic strife though - Bro's DP insists that she won't share a sensible car with him (I think to avoid situations like this) so he currently runs two cars - fortunately they have both the space and the income to be able to do so.

timeisnotaline · 19/05/2021 12:16

Nope. It’s his car, a lovely solo trip for him to enjoy driving it. Otherwise he can trade it in, as others say!

sashh · 19/05/2021 12:18

If he doesn't take the sports car he needs to insure it for all to use. I'm sure your teenagers / adult children will be happy to take it to the retail park.

Original poster
Whippet · 19/05/2021 12:19

@rossclare

Personally i wouldn't want my DH driving that distance in a classic sports car as they aren't as safe as modern cars.
I tend to agree, but at least it can accelerate out of difficulty.

The issue I have with the small car is that it's only 2 door (both DSs are over 6ft!) and has no pulling power at all. I hate being trapped between lorries in it on the motorway, but it's not powerful enough to overtake some of the time.

OP posts:
quizqueen · 19/05/2021 12:19

Hide the keys of the main car and make him permanently use his toy car., not just on this trip.

Giantrooster · 19/05/2021 12:22

You could go 'well dear h, you seem to actually agree your toy is impractical and uncomfortable, isn't it about time we traded it to something you want to drive. Given your age it's probably too much for your back anyway Halo'.

Onairjunkie · 19/05/2021 12:23

You’re probably not unreasonable but I am no help to you, because I can think of nothing better than cruising in a classic sports car.

The idea that some have in here that only can only men can drive frightening fast, difficult or powerful cars pisses me off. 🙄 It is no different to any other car, you’re in control of it.

Zzelda · 19/05/2021 12:26

Tell him he has to justify why he needs to drive around a big car with one and occasionally two people in it when there is a perfectly good car at FIL's that he can use.

Lweji · 19/05/2021 12:26

He has to live with his choice of alternative vehicle, and his choice was an uncomfortable classic sports car.

Worst case, he should take the small car.

The main car is non-negotiable. 3 vs 1

CellyBee · 19/05/2021 12:27

I would insist that my DH take the main car so he has a comfortable drive. But then he would insist on me keeping it so I could go out with the kids. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Notaroadrunner · 19/05/2021 12:27

Perfect opportunity to tell him to grow up, sell the toy car and buy something he would actually want to drive to his dads. Hide your car keys.

2ndtimemum2 · 19/05/2021 12:27

@araiwa

Oh you're one of those posters

Post on aibu then whinge if someone doesn't agree with you

I'd feel much happier letting my dh taking the 'good car' on a long distance trip considering I don't have any plans myself yet

You can always pick out the poster who's had a bad day so will pick a fight with anyone about anything just to get their frustration out!

Op your husband has a car he chose that is for his exclusive use so if its not comfortable he should trade it in!! Yanbu

CloudPop · 19/05/2021 12:31

@rossclare

Personally i wouldn't want my DH driving that distance in a classic sports car as they aren't as safe as modern cars.
Then he needs to get rid of it and buy something more practical.
Original poster
Whippet · 19/05/2021 12:31

@Onairjunkie I don't think anyone is saying only men can drive fast sports cars? In my case I'm just saying I prefer not to drive this particular one! I have occasional sciatica and it's impossible to find a seat position which doesn't leave me in pain afterwards. It's also quite an old car and the suspension is terrible. Also I absolutely hate the noise it makes - difficult to listen to music or have a conversation over it.
I've driven comfortable modern sports cars and they're fine!

OP posts:
TriciaMcMillan · 19/05/2021 12:31

What is the point of his sports car then? DH and I share two cars, a (still very nice) family car, and a completely unnecessary, very powerful, convertible sports car. We both jump at the chance to take the sports car when we can, it's part of the pleasure of owning it.

AOwlAOwlAOwl · 19/05/2021 12:32

If his own car is not practical enough for a trip to his dad's then he should have bought a different car shouldn't he?

And you're right that it reduces the pool of available cars to 1 between 3 if he takes the SUV.

YWNBU to take his sports car and trade it in for something that doesn't give you backache if he takes the big car.

DDiva · 19/05/2021 12:32

@JackieTheFart

So he bought a car which isn’t comfortable to drive but that only HE can drive, but doesn’t want to use it?

He can get to fuck. Maybe once he gets back from his dads he can trade it in for something more appropriate if it’s not suitable.

This.
Devlesko · 19/05/2021 12:35

You have more than a car problem if you have to justify yourself.
He sounds awful. Sad