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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New neighbour, terraced house, seems to expect silence

779 replies

Bahhhhhumbug · 19/05/2021 01:34

New neighbour to my empty (atm) terraced property. As soon as moved in started sending me texts (got my number by asking previous neighbour she bought house off but that's a whole other thread) informing me there seems be a tv left on in the property.
She said l hope l didn't mind her texting me and she askedfor my number.
I texted prev. neighbours and queried whether their buyer knew my house was empty and she said yes as she had told her.
I have always got on very well with former neighbour so didn't 'pull her up' on giving out my number as was very out of character and just figured she got caught on the hop in what was a very stressful house move for unconnected reasons to this tale.
So l text back to new neighbour that yes l was aware and it was a radio left on a talking channel as the house was empty but thanks for letting me know.
Next day l get a phone call from her and she's all 'Hi (insert very shortened version of my name, which even the old neighbour never called me) and she tells me again the radio has been on all night (it hasn't its on a timer goes off about 11pm and a lamp comes on) because she ' can hear it ' l was l admit a little frosty with her as l was annoyed at these chummy texts and calls from someone who shouldn't even have my number and shouldn't have even asked for it imo though l accept old neighbour partly to blame.
I had to read between the lines at this point that she found it too loud so l said (without being asked) l would call next day, (which l did) and turn it down and move it to the far wall in the kitchen (no neighbours that side).
I've had another long text off her today after ld done all that saying can l please answer and confirm that l am going to turn it down (she wasnt in when l went round and obliged so obviously at this point didn't know l had already done so
) Whilst there l also checked upstairs l couldn't hear it wafting up the stairs which l couldn't whatsoever and l have good hearing. It is quieter than a normal volume speaking voice and you can only hear it after you've gone two doors into the house, it's about a volume 3 on Alexa equivalent.
Old neighbour when asked said couldn't hear it when l was in there and neither could l.
Shes rang me twice again now and l just ignored her in the hope she will text me and tell me what the fucks wrong now. She did then text saying she wants it switching off as she can still hear it.
She keeps bringing up that she works from home and l get impression she seems to think that means should be almost silence from neighbouring properties. Or maybe because the vendors told her my house was empty she had an expectation of it being completely silent.
If people moved in they would be entitled to watch tv, talk, have radio on etc and all at a higher wolume than one quiet radio. WWYD as she is really getting on my nerves now.
If l was a rude person l might suggest she should've bought a detached house maybe, but lm not.

Subject:
New neighbour, terraced house, seems to expect silence

Message:
New neighbour to my empty (atm) terraced property. As soon as moved in started sending me texts (got my number by asking previous neighbour she bought house off but that's a whole other thread) informing me there seems be a tv left on in the property.
She said l hope l didn't mind her texting me and she askedfor my number.
I texted prev. neighbours and queried whether their buyer knew my house was empty and she said yes as she had told her.
I have always got on very well with former neighbour so didn't 'pull her up' on giving out my number as was very out of character and just figured she got caught on the hop in what was a very stressful house move for unconnected reasons to this tale.
So l text back to new neighbour that yes l was aware and it was a radio left on a talking channel as the house was empty but thanks for letting me know.
Next day l get a phone call from her and she's all 'Hi (insert very shortened version of my name, which even the old neighbour never called me) and she tells me again the radio has been on all night (it hasn't its on a timer goes off about 11pm and a lamp comes on) because she ' can hear it ' l was l admit a little frosty with her as l was annoyed at these chummy texts and calls from someone who shouldn't even have my number and shouldn't have even asked for it imo though l accept old neighbour partly to blame.
I had to read between the lines at this point that she found it too loud so l said (without being asked) l would call next day, (which l did) and turn it down and move it to the far wall in the kitchen (no neighbours that side).
I've had another long text off her today after ld done all that saying can l please answer and confirm that l am going to turn it down (she wasnt in when l went round and obliged so obviously at this point didn't know l had already done so
) Whilst there l also checked upstairs l couldn't hear it wafting up the stairs which l couldn't whatsoever and l have good hearing. It is quieter than a normal volume speaking voice and you can only hear it after you've gone two doors into the house, it's about a volume 3 on Alexa equivalent.
Old neighbour when asked said couldn't hear it when l was in there and neither could l.
Shes rang me twice again now and l just ignored her in the hope she will text me and tell me what the fucks wrong now. She did then text saying she wants it switching off as she can still hear it.
She keeps bringing up that she works from home and l get impression she seems to think that means should be almost silence from neighbouring properties. Or maybe because the vendors told her my house was empty she had an expectation of it being completely silent.
If people moved in they would be entitled to watch tv, talk, have radio on etc and all at a higher wolume than one quiet radio. WWYD as she is really getting on my nerves now.
If l was a rude person l might suggest she should've bought a detached house maybe, but lm not.

Back to top

OP posts:
SiliconHeaven · 22/05/2021 14:08

@Bahhhhhumbug

friend havi ng refurb done but then marketing it. Radio isn't on 12 hours, it's on a timer, intermittent 2 hr periods, goes off before 11 pm comes back on at 9am, on for 8 hrs in total, same with lights but only at night obv.. Have an alarm as well, it really is a belt and braces area unfortunately.
What the fuck does ‘belt and braces area’ mean?
DumbestBlonde · 22/05/2021 15:22

To the OP (and anyone else who cares to read - although TLDR at end):
It is not that I would say that you are being100% Unreasonable - but I do think your efforts to deter a possible burglar with radio are futile.
I downgraded ( and - sized) a few years ago, to an unfamilar area, that I soon discovered to be - um - undesirable (a mistake, and moved in a hurry....).
The garden is about 50 feet long and after a gate sections off the lawn and closer to the house, is open after another 12 feet to an access road ( and the back of another road beyond).
From my days of having house-pets, I have ALWAYS left a radio on quietly (cannot be heard next door or outside), and sometimes even the TV or a CD on repeat. This was not to deter entry; that actually never crossed my mind. I also leave lamps on in every room except spare room, and plug-in nightglights in the hall/porch.

One cold February night, I returned at 9pm after putting horses to bed (yes, this was pretty routine but I had not lived there very long.... and had done so for years in previous village). Into the living room and I am crunching in smashed glass from the patio door - which faces the rear garden.

Whoever broke in could not have cared less about my radio, TV, lamps or anything else..... all of which could have indicated that I was actually still IN the house. The (tall) gate partway down the garden had been kicked off it's hinges before they could even get to the property. The Police (yes, these were the days when they would attend) made me laugh when they said that the "perp" would have "knocked on the door to see if anyone was in" ....... Hmm Hmm
I still chuckle when I think of that remark.

On the question of noise between houses; I think that it is a fair reason for your neighbour to have a word with you, especially as - unless I have missed something - the radio is or was against the adjoining wall.

I actually purchased a digital piano so that I would not disturb my neighbours, as that was the only wall I could put a piano against. Similarly, I try to wait until they are out to use my lockdown treadmill, unless I can pass that noise off as an overweight hamster.
THEY, on the other hand, have had weed-smoking parties throughout lockdown, use their garden as a toilet when feeling lazy - and, wait for it, actually play THEIR music through an amplifier!!

I have had six different neighbours since living here - and the best one was a chap who paid the rent but lived at his new girlfriend's, so I heard nothing. Until some kind of beep-beeping started and I couldn't get him to come and stop it (by leaving him a message at the shop where he worked), so had to ask the landlord to access..... Result was that he did move out, but not before calling me (together with the landlord - also my landlord - an interfering c-word). There have been others but I have digressed too far I know.

TLDR
OP - the radio will not prevent burglars. Trust me, I know.
Be nicer to your neighbour. But the name calling on here is awful and not necessary.
Over and out.

DumbestBlonde · 22/05/2021 15:26

Belt and braces usually means to do as much as possible (over and above, more than strictly necessary) to prevent failure, i.e. using both a belt AND braces to keep trousers from falling down.

As I understand it Grin

Devora13 · 22/05/2021 18:20

Block her.
Can't believe so many people are so worked up about this.

MakeMathsFun · 22/05/2021 19:53

The reality is that nobody really knows if your radio can be heard or not. Just because someone says they hear it, doesn't mean that they do. Just switch it off for a few days, knock on her door, and in a friendly manner ask if she can still hear it. I know it seems wrong for her to get your phone number from someone else, but what else could she have done? She probably knocked on your door a few times first, but you weren't in. I'm curious to see if she still hears it when it is off. If that happens, then YANBU. If not, well maybe she has a point.

AnnieSnap · 22/05/2021 20:02

@MakeMathsFun

The reality is that nobody really knows if your radio can be heard or not. Just because someone says they hear it, doesn't mean that they do. Just switch it off for a few days, knock on her door, and in a friendly manner ask if she can still hear it. I know it seems wrong for her to get your phone number from someone else, but what else could she have done? She probably knocked on your door a few times first, but you weren't in. I'm curious to see if she still hears it when it is off. If that happens, then YANBU. If not, well maybe she has a point.
It makes sense to assume that she could hear it if she said I can hear your radio, when the radio was on!
chaosmaker · 22/05/2021 20:58

The problem here is second house owners who should just sell it on to someone decent that needs just the one home.

Billandben444 · 23/05/2021 10:02

The problem here is second house owners who should just sell it on to someone decent that needs just the one home.

Yay!

MakeMathsFun · 23/05/2021 13:07

@billandben444

A number of people are unfairly judging the person on assumptions about the empty house. You don't know her personal circumstances (and they are nobody else's business either). The house could be empty for any number of alternative reasons, for example:

  1. Staying with an elderly relative to care for them during the pandemic;
  2. The house is in probate;
  3. The house has been prepared for selling, but there are legal issues to finalise first (such as divorce papers or problems relating to the deeds;;
  4. The person is a student living away from home, or is on a training course;
  5. The person's employer has moved the business 150 miles away, so is paying for a hotel to help before they decide to relocate or not;
  6. The person has had to lock them self down elsewhere due to Coronavirus restrictions;
  7. The person has moved in with a partner on a trial basis, and isn't sure how long the relationship will last;
  8. The person is in hospital, or needs to visit someone every day in a distant hospital;
  9. The person is in prison, or needs to visit someone every day in a distant prison;
  10. The person is involved in a lengthy court case, or is on Jury Service far from their home;
  11. Etc. etc...

So you see, we are all very good at making judgements, but quite frankly we may not have all the information required to judge fairly.

unwuthering · 23/05/2021 13:11

[quote MakeMathsFun]@billandben444

A number of people are unfairly judging the person on assumptions about the empty house. You don't know her personal circumstances (and they are nobody else's business either). The house could be empty for any number of alternative reasons, for example:

  1. Staying with an elderly relative to care for them during the pandemic;
  2. The house is in probate;
  3. The house has been prepared for selling, but there are legal issues to finalise first (such as divorce papers or problems relating to the deeds;;
  4. The person is a student living away from home, or is on a training course;
  5. The person's employer has moved the business 150 miles away, so is paying for a hotel to help before they decide to relocate or not;
  6. The person has had to lock them self down elsewhere due to Coronavirus restrictions;
  7. The person has moved in with a partner on a trial basis, and isn't sure how long the relationship will last;
  8. The person is in hospital, or needs to visit someone every day in a distant hospital;
  9. The person is in prison, or needs to visit someone every day in a distant prison;
  10. The person is involved in a lengthy court case, or is on Jury Service far from their home;
  11. Etc. etc...

So you see, we are all very good at making judgements, but quite frankly we may not have all the information required to judge fairly.[/quote]
Well... that's creative, but the OP has stated:

Friends staying in about a month whilst refurb done then selling later in year.

Workingfromhomeishell · 24/05/2021 07:50

@Notonthestairs

If it can't be heard outside what is the point?

Get an alarm and foster good relations with your new neighbour.

Exactly. So wierd you are persisting with deliberately upsetting neighbours!
Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 24/05/2021 08:02

My husband has really good hearing. This would drive him insane. He hears things I can’t. You are really unreasonable leaving a radio on in an empty house. If you have taken up carpets or removed curtains this will also affect how the noise travels.

longwayoff · 24/05/2021 08:02

Is there something wrong with you? She can hear it. Turn it off CF.

Zzelda · 24/05/2021 08:39

@longwayoff

Is there something wrong with you? She can hear it. Turn it off CF.
Given that she hasn't complained for some time, it looks like she can't.
Nightfeedwatcher · 24/05/2021 08:54

Just want to say I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all and so shocked at how everyone’s responded to you!
To me this is normal like the kind of thing you’d do when going on holiday!
And it is 99% less disturbing than a family living next door in a terraced house...radios/TVs/going up and down stairs etc Confused

LolaSmiles · 24/05/2021 09:29

My husband has really good hearing. This would drive him insane. He hears things I can’t.
I'm going to guess that either you live in a detached house or he's reasonable and does get on with the fact that adjoining properties aren't silent.

It doesn't matter how good someone's hearing is. They never get to dictate perfectly ordinary living noise in someone else's house.

Nightfeedwatcher
I agree with you. I can't believe how many people are saying the OP is unreasonable because the neighbour wants to hear nothing from the adjoining property.
If people have their own noise hang ups, don't choose a property that's adjoining another.

PurpleFlower1983 · 24/05/2021 09:32

Turn it off, how annoying.

LolaSmiles · 24/05/2021 09:37

Turn it off, how annoying.
If someone finds less noise than typical every day life annoying then they need a grip handing to them.
They're probably the sort of neighbour who comes on mumsnet saying:
AIBU to think I have the right to peaceful enjoyment of my house? I bought a mid-terrace house and it turns out that when i have my windows open, I can hear a lawnmower on a Saturday afternoon. I can practically hear the kettle boil or people moving in the kitchen. Should I report the nuisance noise to the council?

Nightfeedwatcher · 24/05/2021 09:50

@LolaSmiles

Turn it off, how annoying. If someone finds less noise than typical every day life annoying then they need a grip handing to them. They're probably the sort of neighbour who comes on mumsnet saying: AIBU to think I have the right to peaceful enjoyment of my house? I bought a mid-terrace house and it turns out that when i have my windows open, I can hear a lawnmower on a Saturday afternoon. I can practically hear the kettle boil or people moving in the kitchen. Should I report the nuisance noise to the council?
This kind of thread makes me feel so lucky to have my neighbours...I’m in a mid terrace and they are lovely enough to pretend they never hear my baby crying, I’m sure that’s a lot worse than a low level radio!
LolaSmiles · 24/05/2021 09:57

Nightfeedwatcher
Same here. We are in a detached house now but have previously lived in semis and terraces. I could hear our neighbour's baby and it was just part of being in a terrace. I'm sure they could hear some of our living noise because we could hear them, but it's reasonable living noise.

There's a weird attitude to noise on here where some people seem to think that wherever they live, they're entitled to close to silence whenever they want it. Thankfully, most people are reasonable people who accept that there's no right to silence.

Zelaidee · 24/05/2021 12:01

Yabu it is strange how people compare a baby cryng to an unnecessary constant noise .
A constant humming in your head from 9 a.m. To 10.p.m. I’m sorry that the poster felt harrassed by many comments. She did not understand the distress she was causing but what I found irritating in this post was the headline . Like that expecting a minimun of reasonal quiteness few Hours a day is crazy

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 24/05/2021 17:03

@Bahhhhhumbug

No update to speak of. Still not heard anything from ndn since I turned it down slightly and moved it further away from the adjoining wall. I did this within a day of ndn first contacting me as l said in my first post of the thread (for those of you saying l am refusing from the start to see my ndns pov etc)

Since then, as l said way up thread l have, despite not hearing from ndn since those alterations to volume and location of radio, further adjusted the last 'off' time to 10pm. I have done that because even a few of the YANBU posters have said they think that 11pm is a bit late. As have some of those who've managed to politely say YABU.(yes the two can go together, bullies keyboard cowards warriors take note)
So l have taken that on board as it was going to be my next move had the ndn still complained so l have just done it anyway.(that's for those who say l won't listen to anyone and why bother posting blah blah blah)
Many of you are asking what is the point if it's not on continually so Mr Burglar might call whilst it's off: Police crime prevention and other home insurance advise sites that suggest leaving a radio on as one of their top five or ten burglary, vandalism deterrents, specifically advise to leave it on a timer and never on continually or through the night as this is a dead giveaway that the house is empty. If someone walks past house a few times they sometimes might hear faint conversation, sometimes they won't lm guessing is the logic and plus it's advised as in conjunction with burglar alarm, lights on timer, mortice locks etc not instead of.
The other main thing people have been asking (sorry too many posts to answer individually) is how can it be heard outside but l'm claiming the neighbour can't hear it. Firstly l have never claimed the neighbour cant hear it or she's making it up etc. But its like if two people were talking in an office and you wanted to go in but weren't sure if you were interrupting anyone, so you would listen outside to hear if anyone was in there and unless they were raising voices or shouting obv would be able to hear that people were talking but not loud enough to hear what they were saying. It's like that . But if you went into the next room (or house in this case) it would be either inaudible or much less audible at least.

Can l just say to the posters that have been vile and labelled me with horrible character traits which are wholly untrue and unfair (and indirectly also labelled the 45% of posters that don't believe l have done anything wrong) that you should consider being more careful what you say to a stranger on the Internet. I am a strong person mentally, l am lucky enough to have a great support network of friends who love me and know me to be a kind and considerate person so none of your nasty labels will stick lm afraid and you are wasting your time and energy as l know who l am and the people that matter do too. But not everyone is lucky enough to have that cushion. You seriously could push someone over the edge. I have been called a
ct, twt, bastard, selfish fucker, obnoxious, stupid, pathetic, no empathy, all me me me, to name a few.
. I have had wished upon me bricks through my window,
my house gets burgled,
my house gets burnt down and every ill under the sun.
You have even suggested my good friend of many years must've moved away to get away from me, when the real reason is actually something l have helped and supported her through and has been awful for her on a personal level.
All l have done is something the police recommend in a high crime area to protect my property which l have great sentimental attachment to even though l don't live there. Then when someone has contacted me about this, from day one l have been pro - active in resolving and now it seems it is resolved. Yet that deserves all of the above vitriol apparently.
Please imagine all above being fired at someone who is suffering from depression, social anxiety, is lonely or has just suffered a bereavement or has no one in real life to turn to and is on the edge. Worst scenario, you really could push them over it and at best you could leave them feeling even more hopeless and distressed.
Carry on disagreeing with people, fine, but please stop the abuse.

Well said, I am only just catching up but the way posters have spoke to you is shameful.
SakuraEdenSwan1 · 24/05/2021 17:06

@Funguy

Turn it off, you are being ridiculous. If no one could ever hear it and it is so quiet, why have you got it ON? She obviously CAN hear it.

Turn it off before she rings the Council an then they will turn it off for you.
As the miserable tenant above a noisy neighbour I ask you to consider someone else's comfort instead of taking offence.

Shut up ffs, the council will do absolutely nothing. Try research the law regarding this before posting!!!
Minezatea · 24/05/2021 17:09

Please imagine all above being fired at someone who is suffering from depression, social anxiety, is lonely or has just suffered a bereavement or has no one in real life to turn to and is on the edge. Worst scenario, you really could push them over it and at best you could leave them feeling even more hopeless and distressed.

Yes I agree but you also need to consider that the description of someone being depressed etc. could apply to your neighbor who just wanted to stop the unnecessary noise. She deserves the same empathy you are asking for from others. The noise she was experiencing could also have pushed her over.

LolaSmiles · 24/05/2021 17:12

Yabu it is strange how people compare a baby cryng to an unnecessary constant noise .
A constant humming in your head
People aren't comparing the 2.
We are pointing out that, shock horror, houses come with living noise.

If someone is so triggered by periods of a radio in the house next door then they must be either too fragile to contemplate living in a semi or a terrace, or they're a moaning Minnie like half the AIBUs whining that the neighbour had the audacity to exist in their own house.

Can you imagine the noise complaint:
"Hello council, I'd like to make a complaint about intrusive and excessive noise. My neighbour has a radio on in the property next door and I find this distressing. It is such an unnecessary noise, like a constant humming. Yes I did choose to live in a terrace, but I didn't expect there to be any sound from the property next door at all. I deserve peace and quiet. Can you please use all your powers to ban my neighbour from using a radio"
Grin