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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New neighbour, terraced house, seems to expect silence

779 replies

Bahhhhhumbug · 19/05/2021 01:34

New neighbour to my empty (atm) terraced property. As soon as moved in started sending me texts (got my number by asking previous neighbour she bought house off but that's a whole other thread) informing me there seems be a tv left on in the property.
She said l hope l didn't mind her texting me and she askedfor my number.
I texted prev. neighbours and queried whether their buyer knew my house was empty and she said yes as she had told her.
I have always got on very well with former neighbour so didn't 'pull her up' on giving out my number as was very out of character and just figured she got caught on the hop in what was a very stressful house move for unconnected reasons to this tale.
So l text back to new neighbour that yes l was aware and it was a radio left on a talking channel as the house was empty but thanks for letting me know.
Next day l get a phone call from her and she's all 'Hi (insert very shortened version of my name, which even the old neighbour never called me) and she tells me again the radio has been on all night (it hasn't its on a timer goes off about 11pm and a lamp comes on) because she ' can hear it ' l was l admit a little frosty with her as l was annoyed at these chummy texts and calls from someone who shouldn't even have my number and shouldn't have even asked for it imo though l accept old neighbour partly to blame.
I had to read between the lines at this point that she found it too loud so l said (without being asked) l would call next day, (which l did) and turn it down and move it to the far wall in the kitchen (no neighbours that side).
I've had another long text off her today after ld done all that saying can l please answer and confirm that l am going to turn it down (she wasnt in when l went round and obliged so obviously at this point didn't know l had already done so
) Whilst there l also checked upstairs l couldn't hear it wafting up the stairs which l couldn't whatsoever and l have good hearing. It is quieter than a normal volume speaking voice and you can only hear it after you've gone two doors into the house, it's about a volume 3 on Alexa equivalent.
Old neighbour when asked said couldn't hear it when l was in there and neither could l.
Shes rang me twice again now and l just ignored her in the hope she will text me and tell me what the fucks wrong now. She did then text saying she wants it switching off as she can still hear it.
She keeps bringing up that she works from home and l get impression she seems to think that means should be almost silence from neighbouring properties. Or maybe because the vendors told her my house was empty she had an expectation of it being completely silent.
If people moved in they would be entitled to watch tv, talk, have radio on etc and all at a higher wolume than one quiet radio. WWYD as she is really getting on my nerves now.
If l was a rude person l might suggest she should've bought a detached house maybe, but lm not.

Subject:
New neighbour, terraced house, seems to expect silence

Message:
New neighbour to my empty (atm) terraced property. As soon as moved in started sending me texts (got my number by asking previous neighbour she bought house off but that's a whole other thread) informing me there seems be a tv left on in the property.
She said l hope l didn't mind her texting me and she askedfor my number.
I texted prev. neighbours and queried whether their buyer knew my house was empty and she said yes as she had told her.
I have always got on very well with former neighbour so didn't 'pull her up' on giving out my number as was very out of character and just figured she got caught on the hop in what was a very stressful house move for unconnected reasons to this tale.
So l text back to new neighbour that yes l was aware and it was a radio left on a talking channel as the house was empty but thanks for letting me know.
Next day l get a phone call from her and she's all 'Hi (insert very shortened version of my name, which even the old neighbour never called me) and she tells me again the radio has been on all night (it hasn't its on a timer goes off about 11pm and a lamp comes on) because she ' can hear it ' l was l admit a little frosty with her as l was annoyed at these chummy texts and calls from someone who shouldn't even have my number and shouldn't have even asked for it imo though l accept old neighbour partly to blame.
I had to read between the lines at this point that she found it too loud so l said (without being asked) l would call next day, (which l did) and turn it down and move it to the far wall in the kitchen (no neighbours that side).
I've had another long text off her today after ld done all that saying can l please answer and confirm that l am going to turn it down (she wasnt in when l went round and obliged so obviously at this point didn't know l had already done so
) Whilst there l also checked upstairs l couldn't hear it wafting up the stairs which l couldn't whatsoever and l have good hearing. It is quieter than a normal volume speaking voice and you can only hear it after you've gone two doors into the house, it's about a volume 3 on Alexa equivalent.
Old neighbour when asked said couldn't hear it when l was in there and neither could l.
Shes rang me twice again now and l just ignored her in the hope she will text me and tell me what the fucks wrong now. She did then text saying she wants it switching off as she can still hear it.
She keeps bringing up that she works from home and l get impression she seems to think that means should be almost silence from neighbouring properties. Or maybe because the vendors told her my house was empty she had an expectation of it being completely silent.
If people moved in they would be entitled to watch tv, talk, have radio on etc and all at a higher wolume than one quiet radio. WWYD as she is really getting on my nerves now.
If l was a rude person l might suggest she should've bought a detached house maybe, but lm not.

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OP posts:
Battytwatty · 21/05/2021 14:22

I am also embarrassed for the posters who launch into a tirade, making it obvious they have only read the opening post.

Merchymor · 21/05/2021 14:26

Yes, some have been unnecessarily nasty but I think most people have been responding to the OPs tone in their replies.

Opinions were asked for, opinions were ignored, ridiculed and discounted.

This in no way implies someone in a vulnerable mental state so to fling that about is unreasonable.

Battytwatty · 21/05/2021 14:29

I couldn’t see anything wrong with the OPs tone. The only thing I noticed was her getting frustrated at having to repeat herself because people couldn’t be bothered to read the whole thread (a massive pet hate of mine).

Merchymor · 21/05/2021 14:32

@Battytwatty

I couldn’t see anything wrong with the OPs tone. The only thing I noticed was her getting frustrated at having to repeat herself because people couldn’t be bothered to read the whole thread (a massive pet hate of mine).
Ok, it came across as dismissive and self centred to me but I guess it's tricky to interpret on an internet forum.

I agree there are too many people who haven't RTFT and are just making repetitive posts though.

Designerly · 21/05/2021 14:54

Unlike many who cant understand the point of the radio, I do understand the point. However, as the noise seems to be annoying your new neighbour, personally I would;

a) At least reduce the switch off time to 10.00 pm
b) Ensure the timer gives intervals of peace through the day (an hour or two).
c) Bearing in mind that burglaries can often occur through the night - then the radio really isn't doing a job, so install movement sensor lights, both exterior at the back and interior (say kitchen and hall lights, so any movement switches lights on inside the house (should worry a casual intruder instantly).
The rear garden/yard light will alert the neighbours and deter a crim. Also, the incidental activation by a passing cat or low flying bird, serves to make the house look as if it is in use .

terrimom · 21/05/2021 15:12

I don't mean to be rude, but if you can't hear it, former neighbor can't hear it, no one inside or outside the house can hear it except for the new neighbor that has asked you repeatedly to turn off the radio in your unoccupied house, why are you being so incredibly uncompassionate to her request? This just seems such an odd way to start a relationship with a new neighbor, as though you are looking for something to have a grievance against her for and you don't even live physically in the house??? Maybe it's louder at night or in the early morning when all else is quiet outside, maybe she is overly sensitive to sound or has trouble concentrating? Who knows, but why are you so insistent on having it on a.) when you are aware it annoys her b.) she has asked you to turn it off and c.) you don't even live there? Seems a very odd hill to die on and a terrible way to start a relationship with a new neighbor. Maybe re-think having to have your way on this one and start over being a teeny bit more accommodating to your new neighbor. You never know when or where you may need her help or end up moving back in and it's seems such a silly bridge to burn. It just seems so easy to turn it off and be kind to her and start the relationship in a positive way, rather than judging her need for silence.

littlepattilou · 21/05/2021 15:26

This reply has been deleted

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Battytwatty · 21/05/2021 15:30

*Unlike many who cant understand the point of the radio, I do understand the point. However, as the noise seems to be annoying your new neighbour, personally I would;

a) At least reduce the switch off time to 10.00 pm
b) Ensure the timer gives intervals of peace through the day (an hour or two).
c) Bearing in mind that burglaries can often occur through the night - then the radio really isn't doing a job, so install movement sensor lights, both exterior at the back and interior (say kitchen and hall lights, so any movement switches lights on inside the house (should worry a casual intruder instantly).
The rear garden/yard light will alert the neighbours and deter a crim. Also, the incidental activation by a passing cat or low flying bird, serves to make the house look as if it is in use .*

And I rest my case. Another poster who can’t be arsed to read the thread!!

fataroundthemiddle · 21/05/2021 16:26

Well... the neighbor sounds like a real whiner.I’d invite people over at various times just to let her hear some real noises. The radio does help as a deterrent to intruders,doesn’t have to be on loud enough to be heard outside (as has been said,is not) .Gives the idea of the house being occupied. The woman next door is at fault. Probably hasn’t got a life poor thing

Bahhhhhumbug · 21/05/2021 16:29

@Merchymor
Opinions were asked for, opinions were ignored, ridiculed and discounted.

I think on the contrary l have been very restrained in the face of lots of sarcasm, ridicule and abuse and personal remarks. Also on many occasions it was my posts being ignored and was still getting stroppy posts with questions ld already answered.
l have copied and pasted a lot of some of the hostile posts in particular and then someone else's reply so l hope lve not mistakenly made those comments look like they were mine.
But apart from the odd bold capitals shouty word as a pp said was just sheer frustration at having to repeat stuff and getting a bit reactive with a couple of the worst abusive posters then l genuinely can't see where l have been dismissive or ignored or ridiculed anyone. I'm just not an abusive poster, it's not my style.
I can't do right for doing wrong on here with some posters. . I get accused of refusing to listen to anyone on here or ignoring but otoh when l do try and and get back to every poster and answer every question then it's 'Oh, shes got an answer for everything'

Even now when it seems my response to the ndns complaint has satisfactorily resolved it , (but l am going to check that when we go tomo) , still some posters are saying l am only interested in defending my right to inflict misery (or ilk) on this woman. Completely ignoring several posts that the woman is now happy as far as we know ( and we will check this tomo when there cleaning) and presumably thats because l have changed the position further from her wall and turned it down and now l have changed the time of last 'off' to 10pm. So what do l get off the next poster? 'oh how magnanimous of you'. Hmm
Another poster said in response to my reaction to the neighbours complaint 'Well you wouldn't have had to do any of that if you hadn't been in the wrong in the first place'. But the woman had only just moved in the day before so how was l to know what me and ex ndn (who had a key, alarm code and free access permission if she wasn't happy) found no problem with, would be 'wrong' for this woman.
I think once some posters on here take against you, it wouldn't matter if l handed my deeds over to ndn as compensation for the one day or so she could hear my radio, l would still be the baddun.
Mob mentality or something. None of this is directed at you personally btw, maybe you mistook some of my quotes as my own words, maybe you still think lm ignorant sarcastic or whatever but lm just rambling now, wondering as its Friday if its too early for wine !!

OP posts:
Merchymor · 21/05/2021 16:34

@Bahhhhhumbug
Never too early for wine, especially on a Friday!

Zzelda · 21/05/2021 16:35

Huff and puff away at great length, over and over, about your right to cause distress to that woman

Why do you claim the woman is still being caused distress, @unwuthering, when she has stopped complaining?

Zzelda · 21/05/2021 16:37

@Funguy

Turn it off, you are being ridiculous. If no one could ever hear it and it is so quiet, why have you got it ON? She obviously CAN hear it.

Turn it off before she rings the Council an then they will turn it off for you.
As the miserable tenant above a noisy neighbour I ask you to consider someone else's comfort instead of taking offence.

Why do you say she obviously can hear it? She's stopped complaining.
Battytwatty · 21/05/2021 16:40

@Bahhhhhumbug
Get yourself stuck into the wine love and please ignore the crazy’s on your thread 🍷🍷🍷

Bahhhhhumbug · 21/05/2021 16:42

@Merchymor, Thank you l'll take that as all the permission l need.
especially after this week

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 21/05/2021 16:42

YANBU
The fact you have a radio on, and whether others would in your situation is irrelevant.

Neighbour has bought a house that joins another and is whining about a noise level that is substantially lower than the house being occupied. The neighbour needs to get a grip.

JellyBabiesFan · 21/05/2021 16:47

I am struggling to see the point of this radio aside from the neighbour issue.

If anybody is interested in breaking into the house then they will have already scoped it out, looked through the windows or carried out observations. The radio achieves nothing other than providing any would be intruders some background music.

Bahhhhhumbug · 21/05/2021 16:47

@Battytwatty, thank you and don't worry l'll promise to stop drinking the second they start to make sense

OP posts:
unwuthering · 22/05/2021 00:14

Why do you claim the woman is still being caused distress, @unwuthering, when she has stopped complaining?

Politely requesting consideration, I think you mean.

You assume all is now well. I very much doubt it. It's still a radio, still talk radio, still on.

And given how 90% of MN AIBU involves people upset about something and yet not able to speak to the person causing the problem, I expect she's found herself floored by the new neighbour's awful attitude to her reasonable requests and given up, rather than causing more or any future unpleasantness for herself.

Gmom · 22/05/2021 06:51

This reply has been deleted

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MrMucker · 22/05/2021 06:58

Regarding the radio-it seems a bit old fashioned actually to be using a radio to generate soft noise within the house. Whenever I go on holiday and need some burglar free peace of mind I just ask Alexa to calculate Pi, and job done, and if my neighbour catches the sound of the numbers they find that rather than irritate, it soothes. Like counting sheep, but random.

Good for any holiday of up to three hundred thousand years.

Battytwatty · 22/05/2021 08:13

@gmom
You have got to be joking right??? Otherwise, you are unhinged.

Zzelda · 22/05/2021 10:08

You assume all is now well. I very much doubt it. It's still a radio, still talk radio, still on.

And it's on quietly and been moved to the other side of the house. Why assume that the neighbour can even hear it?

SadieCow · 22/05/2021 11:41

Those are all rude words and uncalled for I agree. But please note you are coming across very strongly as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Traits of a narcissist include: showing self-centred, arrogant thinking and behaviour, a lack of empathy and consideration for others, an excessive need for admiration, and being extremely resistant to changing their behaviour even though it's causes them problems, having a tendency to blame others, reacting badly to disagreements (taking them as personal attacks) and grandiosity.

The treatment is psychotherapy.*

OMG GrinGrinGrinGrin

That's just hilarious! Try psychotherapy yourself maybe?? You clearly need it!!

Staffy1 · 22/05/2021 12:09

I had to read between the lines at this point that she found it too loud so l said (without being asked) l would call next day, (which l did) and turn it down and move it to the far wall in the kitchen (no neighbours that side).
I've had another long text off her today after ld done all that saying can l please answer and confirm that l am going to turn it down (she wasnt in when l went round and obliged so obviously at this point didn't know l had already done so

This in the first post makes it sound like she could still hear it after you had moved it and turned it down. No mention here of setting it to turn off an hour earlier. If you had said you were going to do that, most people would wait till thé got home to check if they could still hear it to ask you to confirm you were going to turn it down. Probably why so many answers assumed that she was still upset.