Aibu, compulsory school trip costing £100

[kitkat463]

Aibu, my son's school ( secondary) are having an activity week at a local activity centre during the normal school week. They've said they are hoping for 100 percent uptake and don't have the option for kids to just go to school as normal. It will cost £100 per child, but they have said if anyone can't afford it they should ask for help. I can afford it, but my son doesnt want to go, it isn't his cup of tea. Aibu to be annoyed and resent paying £100 for something neither my son or I want him to do. I dont want him just to stay home for a week so I'll probably send him But Aibu to be annoyed? ! No, you are not unreasonable this is not acceptable for schools to do this, yes... Yabu it's a fun activity week and the school just want to give the teens a fun week after a rubbish year.

All of the posters who are sneering at OP and her son must have had a very easy time at school.

I think a gentle reminder that school isn't a happy time for everyone is in order.

If someone is being bullied, they're not going to want to go. If they're not bullied but don't have any close friends, they're not going to want to go.

I went away once at secondary school and hated it. I had no chance of quietly using the toilet for three days, and had no friends. I hardly spoke a word during that time, and spent four hours wandering around an unfamiliar city where I didn't speak the language by myself. It was agonizing.

If a child is overweight, the last thing they're going to want to do is attend a physical activity for a week. It's embarrassing for kids.

Just because you can afford £100 doesn't mean you're happy to pay it.

I would also resent the situation if I was in OP's position and I'd be tempted to not pay and keep him off school that week.

How many parents on here dread sports day for their children as the child is not good at sport and they feel humiliated? How about sending them on a week away where they can feel humiliated for a week.

Most of these trips involve physical activities. What would happen if a school chose one that was all about non-physical more mental activities eg chess competitions, teams maths challenges? Would parents whose children hated maths etc still encourage their children to go on something like that as it would be taking them out of their comfort zone.

I 100% agree. Kids who struggle with or just don't enjoy academic excellence would never be pushed into it, as that would be elitist, intolerant and non-inclusive; but when it comes to sport and physical activity, unless you're obviously very disabled, you just need to make an effort, try harder, give it a go, leave your comfort zone, learn to enjoy it etc. etc.

Sports Day with prizes for the best: that's character building and encouraging effort and personal development; Maths Day with prizes for the best: we'd never consider that because it would be horribly unfair and discriminatory towards the less able/less academic kids. Let alone the kids who struggle with and/or hate both, especially if they also have the 'personal failing' known as introversion.

I still remember my yr 6 trip..and I'm 53.
I was being low level bullied (because my Mum was a teacher at the school) and it was miserable.. a week being excluded by the girls I had to share a room with, I didn't enjoy the activities because I had no one to enjoy them with. Hated every minute.

My Mum would never have sent me if she knew how unhappy I was, but I didn't want to upset her by telling her about the bullying.

School trips are great for outgoing kids, for others. Nope..no one should be made to go.
(I've also done many residentials myself as a Special School TA... 5 solid days and nights unpaid with some highly challenging children..and then one day I realised... it's not compulsory...so I don't offer any more!!!)

These activity weeks are a great opportunity to try something out of your comfort zone and broaden horizons.

There are many for whom this isn’t what they end up as. I hated these as a kid because it wasn’t just about it not being my thing, it was that these fun activities included a rock climb and an abseil and I was terrified of heights so the end result was me sobbing like a baby and throwing up, in front of my peer group. Making the choice to face your fears is all well and good for adults but to throw kids in to that without any proper support is unforgivable.

Then there was the time that we were climbing one of the munroes. Again this was all supposed to be a wonderful learning opportunity and pushing us out of the comfort zone. You try doing that as a thirteen year old unexpectedly on her period with horrific stomach cramps and a really heavy flow. I’m sure you can guess how that worked out for me and how that impacted my relationships with my peer group.

For some people, these things are not something they thrive on, and the experience can be a nightmare. Forcing kids to do it under the guise of stretching them out of their comfort zone isn’t a good thing.

@Smartiepants79
As a parent of a teen with ASD it always pisses me off when schools don’t consider their need when organising trips. Works both ways

unless you're obviously very disabled, you just need to make an effort, try harder, give it a go, leave your comfort zone, learn to enjoy it etc. etc

Oh no, @WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll, they force it on the kids with disabilities too. DD, who uses a walker/wheelchair was still forced to take part in sports day. No, no, it’s ok, we can change some of the things so she can do them (except that her team was still penalised because she dropped the bean bag or didn’t do it fast enough.) We went for four years with these promises until we said fuck it, she will have “an appointment” that coincided with sports day every year, and took her out for ice cream instead.

And that outward bound school trip? Yes, yes Mrs MintyMable, this facility is more than adequate for your DD and we’ve specifically chosen activities she can fully participate in, only for her to come home and relay myriad things she had to sit out of or could barely take part in. She enjoyed having a night away and sleeping with her friends but it says something when I asked what was the best bit about the place she stayed and the answer was “the breakfast”

This is from a school, who, in every other way have been fantastically inclusive and have met pretty much every request we’ve had for additional support. Even they fell into the “character building, just try harder” mantra with DD, as if any amount of positivity would turn the rutted woodland hike trail into a lovely smooth path.

Also the other kids are peers not friends! My classmates were no more my friends than the school gate mums were my friends. They are just a random group of people of a similar age who meet daily for a few years. And yes, I do have a good number of friends and am very confident. But do do not bung me in a group of randoms and tell me I should enjoy socialising with them.
I was reasonably happy at school too. Never bullied, successful, but I never wanted to spend a moment longer there or with those people than I had to. An adventure week would have mightily pissed me off! Even though I would have been able to abseil, canoe, or whatever else hellish activity was planned. Please don't try and control my own private time.

it is also about working in groups & problem solving & not sitting down at a screen & a social development -all important

And can be taught without standing in the pissing wet, farting about with four planks of wood and a ball of string.

No school trips are compulsory, schools try to pull this stunt all the time.

@CrumpetHunter

I'm torn. YANBU to feel annoyed that you're being pretty much compelled to spend £100 (but, in their defence, they've said to speak to them if you're unable to pay AND they've also said that they "hope" for 100% uptake - not that it's compulsory). YABU to be so precious about your son not wanting to participate in very normal activities and think he shouldn't have to do things he doesn't want to do. I know you've said you'll probably end up sending him but only because you feel like you have no choice rather than because it'd clearly be good for him to get out of his comfort zone and try new things.

So I take it you are for forcing a child to do something against their consent?

sometimes it is not that you don't have the £100, it is that you have better uses for the £100. (such as an emergency fund for a car, or white goods breaking down, or home insurance, or a family holiday for all the children, or eating out for a birthday plus presents etc. )

That fact that the trip is ‘not his cup of tea’ isn’t reason enough not to go.

Obviously if there are other more serious factors at play you should excuse him and inform the school of the reason he can’t take part.

I remember my sons primary school saying all costs for trips were voluntary contributions and if someone wanted their child to go on a school ski trip in the holidays but couldn't afford it the school had to find the money to pay for them. I was horrified that could be the case and just wondered if anyone had actually done exactly that.

It's good for children to try different things but is this something you were of when you applied for a place at the school? The primary trip is a key part of the curriculum and something most children look forward to their whole time at the school. If this has been added and not a part of the curriculum then it should be optional for both payment and attendance with suitable alternative academic provision for those who don't wish to go. I would have thought most schools would have been cancelling anything like this at the moment.

I think the thing is with it being compulsory AND £100 is there are probably parents like me who over the years, have been entities to free school meals but have never claimed them through embarrassment. During those times I would have found it almost impossible to find £100 but would have rather died than discussed with anyone at the school my financial situation.

Compulsory costs shouldn’t be part of state schooling in my view.

‘Entitled’ not ‘entities’

I'm sure if the OP's son was autistic, feeling anxious, being bullied etc (the things people are using as examples on here) she would have said so rather than use the far more bland "not his cup of tea".

There's been so little for children to do with their peers over the last year this is likely to be a decent opportunity for them

Speak to the school and explain he doesn’t wish to go and you don’t wish to force him, is he happy to go in each day on his own and potentially sit with another year group?

If the issue is financial then speak to th school as they said.

I think school trips and activity weeks are fantastic opportunities, and I always encouraged my DC to go. I am very grateful to the teachers who give up their time to run these trips.

But ultimately the school cannot make it both compulsory and expect payment or say no provision in school that week if chooses not to attend.

YANBU.

@TheTeenageYears school trips which have an educational purpose have to be voluntary contributions only. If a residential trip then you would need to pay for the accommodation as that bit is not educational. A ski trip in the holidays is not educational and so would have no voluntary contribution element to it at all.

Tricky one. There are always kids who dislike some of the 'fun' things schools organise - sports, outdoorsy things, performance/acting, parties, discos, trips, etc. My kids are introverts so some of this stuff hasn't been fun for them, but I've encouraged them to do everything, and haven't kept them out of school if it was something they wouldn't enjoy. Occasionally they have got a lot out of something they expected not to like. I do get that being asked for £100 for something you think you child won't enjoy seems a waste of money but, given that you can afford it, I'm saying YABU.

Have you spoken to the school about it? I don't think you've said why it isn't your child's cup of tea, but I'd hope they'd be sensitive to different personalities within the group and the instructors should ensure that everyone can get a sense of achievement, especially those who are outside their comfort zone. I'd also encourage your ds to get what he can from it and be open minded. He will almost certainly find some things he enjoys.

That fact that the trip is ‘not his cup of tea’ isn’t reason enough not to go.

Surely it is is, for a voluntary non curriculum-related trip that OP has to pay for?

@Ritasueandbobtoo9

Residential strips were the best. We all used to go on them. We all had a great time. The best of times. How are kids supposed to function if they have never been out of their comfort zone? How are kids supposed to be resilient?

How do you know every single person on the trips had a great time all the time?

We never had residential trips when I was at school. I managed to develop resilience just fine.

For me it’s the compulsory nature. They said they would like 100% attendance so could argue that it isn’t compulsory but if he doesn’t go he gets no education that week. Is that normal? When I was a kid you chose to go on the trips or not, if you didn’t go then you went to school.

Heard this before. The child often ends up having a great time and gaining new confidence