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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu, compulsory school trip costing £100

204 replies

kitkat463 · 18/05/2021 20:37

Aibu, my son's school ( secondary) are having an activity week at a local activity centre during the normal school week. They've said they are hoping for 100 percent uptake and don't have the option for kids to just go to school as normal. It will cost £100 per child, but they have said if anyone can't afford it they should ask for help. I can afford it, but my son doesnt want to go, it isn't his cup of tea. Aibu to be annoyed and resent paying £100 for something neither my son or I want him to do. I dont want him just to stay home for a week so I'll probably send him But Aibu to be annoyed? ! No, you are not unreasonable this is not acceptable for schools to do this, yes... Yabu it's a fun activity week and the school just want to give the teens a fun week after a rubbish year.

OP posts:
tunnocksreturns2019 · 18/05/2021 22:07

@waitingforthenextseason

£100 for a week of activities at a centre? Bargain! Lucky kids ... I hope enough take it up so it goes ahead for them.

Be grateful they're trying to do something nice that a lot of kids otherwise wouldn't get the chance to try.

This
BoomBoomsCousin · 18/05/2021 22:08

Assuming this is a state school in England and Wales, they cannot make an overnight trip compulsory. You do not have to pay, even if you can afford it.

I'm pretty certain in normal circumstances they would be obliged to provide other, educational, activities for him at school. They couldn't just make him stay home. I don't know if those obligations have changed with Covid.

MiddlesexGirl · 18/05/2021 22:08

He doesn't have to go if he doesn't want to.

Pyewackect · 18/05/2021 22:08

@skirk64

School is all about being forced to do things you don't want to.
Gosh, what sort of school did you go to ?
sunshinesontv · 18/05/2021 22:08

Is it something they do every year or are they organising it to make up for all of the extra curricular and social opportunities missed over the past year due to covid?

I think it sounds like a lovely, thoughtful idea, and being offered at a bargain price, with the offer of financial support or instalments for those struggling.

Apple40 · 18/05/2021 22:10

My own children have always loved residential school trips with either friends and they have always been around £70-£100 depending on number of days etc. I am more surprised a school is planning expensive trip this year when so many family’s may be struggling finically at the moment and can not afford to send there child . I know our local high school always ups the costs it asks parents to pay to cover the children whose parents can’t afford to pay, so technically you are paying for your own child and making a donation towards a second child going.

eatsleepread · 18/05/2021 22:10

YABU. Unless your son has SEN, he should be encouraged to get out of his comfort zone and take part. Not pandered to like this! He may end up loving it. I'm on the laidback end of parenting, but my kids wouldn't get to opt-out of this. It's an opportunity for them. And your son isn't going to have much fun sitting in the classroom - as the weirdo kid who chose to be left behind - when his mates are all there Confused

TheUndoingProject · 18/05/2021 22:11

Assuming you’re not about to massively drip feed, I think being pushed out of their comfort zone is why opportunities like these are good for kids.

Puffinhead · 18/05/2021 22:14

YANBU. This really pisses me off. My DD is having something similar at her school (not as much as £100 though) which I know she won’t enjoy at all - and she’s told me as much (like an It’s a Knockout type thing). I refuse to contribute anything to it. She would rather just have a normal day at school.

falgelednl · 18/05/2021 22:16

I have organised many such trips (and many residential trips) in my 20+ years as a teacher. yes, it takes a lot of time and effort and is fabulous for most children. Many children enjoy it, some come along feeling anxious and enjoy it and others come along and, possibly, put it in with those things they had to do to survive 'doing things you don't want to do' at school.
As a parent, however, I have two ASD daughters who hate such things. They opted out of their own residential trips at primary school and were both much happier to stay behind and do whatever was on offer at the school. In fact, once talks rather fondly of these times! They did go on day trips with school - including one who went on a trip to a theme park but opted out of actually going on any rides all day!
My own children struggle every time I go on a school residential as it changes the routines we have in place in our home. However, it doesn't stop me going and this has been the way they have been pushed outside their comfort zones.
Now my children are at secondary school (one is no longer in mainstream school) they have the option of opting out of anything extra-curricular. The one in mainstream has enough to contend with just getting through every exhausting day.
When I organise trips as a teacher, I do it to add opportunities for the children but I don't take it personally when children choose not to go. Why would I?

Puffinhead · 18/05/2021 22:17

It’s actually not even about the activity, it’s the expectation that parents will pay for it that’s frustrating.

eatsleepread · 18/05/2021 22:17

YANBU, and if he doesn't want to go he shouldn't have to. Especially if it really is supposed to be just a 'fun' week, not educational in some way.

Aye, God forbid, eh? Hmm

Watermelon222 · 18/05/2021 22:18

These trips are the things kids remember most about school.

I am gutted my ds missed his residential last year as his older dcs still talk about theirs now with such happy memories.

This type of thing is what school should be about, not just maths and English.

Some kids will never experience trips like this in their life again somto me it’s important to encourage them if they are a bit reticent. It can be such a character building experience.

eatsleepread · 18/05/2021 22:18

Honestly laughable. If I'd listened to my daughter, I'd never have sent her to school camp for a week in the final year of primary school.
And she'd have missed out on one of the most enriching experiences of her life so far.

Ostara212 · 18/05/2021 22:19

@CthulhuChristmas

YANBU, and if he doesn't want to go he shouldn't have to. Especially if it really is supposed to be just a 'fun' week, not educational in some way. Not everyone has the same idea of fun.

There were a couple of 'compulsory' school trips that I declined as a teenager. I'm glad my parents didn't try to force me to go, and my education didn't suffer for it. Doing things outside of your comfort zone is great if you've chosen them and are up for the challenge, but not if it's someone else's idea and they're making you do it.

Exactly.
Maggiesfarm · 18/05/2021 22:19

Your son is at secondary school, not a small child, so I wouldn't make him go if he doesn't want to. A whole week, ie five school days consecutively, sounds a bit much to me anyway.

I don't know what excuse you can make except he just can't go.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 18/05/2021 22:20

I remember at primary school in year 6 the school did a trip to Wales but the thought of it filled me with dread and my mum didn't make me go....very unlike her usually she used to force me with these things. Remember the headteacher asking me if it was a money issue (fancy asking a 10 year old that!) And l calmly told her no, l just didn't want to. Am sure these trips are brilliant for kids but l didn't enjoy school at all.
Not sure what l am saying really!

mcmooberry · 18/05/2021 22:21

Goodness I am wondering why you wouldn't want your son to do this, I would snap their hands off and be so grateful to the organisers.

Ostara212 · 18/05/2021 22:21

@mcmooberry

Goodness I am wondering why you wouldn't want your son to do this, I would snap their hands off and be so grateful to the organisers.
But he doesn't want to go?
falgelednl · 18/05/2021 22:21

Oh and my girls have always been "the weirdo kid who chose to be left behind" but I've raised them to be able to express their choices (which certainly doesn't come easy when you are an elective mute or suffer from crippling social anxiety) and not to put too much effort into worrying about what other people think of them or how others might choose to be unkind and judgemental.
We should all have choices about what we do, how we behave and how we judge other people.

5128gap · 18/05/2021 22:22

YANBU. If the trip is an important part of their education it should be free. If it's not an important part of their education it should be optional, with no pressure to attend. (Though I dislike the optional trips too, as they are very divisive between students from better off and less well off families.)
Its particularly bad that the only options are to pay out a significant amount of money for education that is meant to be free, or go and explain to the school you can't afford it, which many people would find embarrassing.

omgthepain · 18/05/2021 22:23

Just wrote to the governors and say he isn't going and will spend the week doing home learning as he's already missed a lot of time in school

I wouldn't pay for my kids to do something they won't enjoy

Mrgrinch · 18/05/2021 22:24

YANBU OP. I'm pretty sure they can't just refuse him a week's worth of education. They're probably trying to say that to make their own lives easier.

SaltyAF · 18/05/2021 22:24

My school does this but we absolutely don't expect 100% uptake and there's always a substantial number left in school - a couple of classes at least. We collapse classes but can't cover the normal curriculum for obvious reasons.

AliMonkey · 18/05/2021 22:24

I pretty much forced DS to do two trips in Y7 as I thought it would be good for him to do something a bit outside his comfort zone. He did a day trip to France, didn't enjoy any of it (not even the chocolate factory they visited as he didn't like the fancy chocolate), didn't get any opportunity to practice his French and wet himself on the coach on the way home because he hates public toilets so didn't go all day - luckily he got away with pretending he had spilt his water on his trousers. He then went on a three day activity centre trip, to an activity centre he had been to in primary school which he had found OK. He spent the whole time counting the hours until he could come home as he and his friend were sharing a tent with loud badly behaved bullies and the activities were all too boisterous or scary for him. I vowed never to send him on a school trip again unless he wanted to go. So based on my experience, don't send him and insist that the school provides something for him, even if it's just some work to do at home.

(He has since been on two local day trips that were for small groups of "selected children", ie a reward for good behaviour and therefore none of the disruptive boys were on the trip, and enjoyed both.)

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