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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu, compulsory school trip costing £100

204 replies

kitkat463 · 18/05/2021 20:37

Aibu, my son's school ( secondary) are having an activity week at a local activity centre during the normal school week. They've said they are hoping for 100 percent uptake and don't have the option for kids to just go to school as normal. It will cost £100 per child, but they have said if anyone can't afford it they should ask for help. I can afford it, but my son doesnt want to go, it isn't his cup of tea. Aibu to be annoyed and resent paying £100 for something neither my son or I want him to do. I dont want him just to stay home for a week so I'll probably send him But Aibu to be annoyed? ! No, you are not unreasonable this is not acceptable for schools to do this, yes... Yabu it's a fun activity week and the school just want to give the teens a fun week after a rubbish year.

OP posts:
Fishandhips · 18/05/2021 23:00

@Seashor

Thank you op. I have been seriously thinking about organising an overnight trip for our cohort. This will entail hours of work and unpaid work for every staff member who attends, but I thought it would be of great benefit to the children. After reading your post and some of the replies I won’t bother now.
A lot of parents and children will probably be relieved :)

OP if they're saying there is zero choice as in there will be no opportunity for children to attend school that's ridiculous, I'd also be annoyed.

SpilltheTea · 18/05/2021 23:00

It's odd that classes aren't still running for those children that won't go. They can't expect 100% attendance. I wouldn't pay for a trip if my child didn't want to go.

Fishandhips · 18/05/2021 23:02

@Smartiepants79

I’m with you *@Seashor* We’re in the middle of attempting to organise an overnight trip for our yr6’s. Something that would involve me working for 48 hours straight with no extra pay. Never mind all the paperwork etc...I do it happily as the kids gain so much from it. This kind of mean spirited thread from parents pisses me off no end.
How is it mean spirited? Some parents and some children aren't going to a fan of overnight trips, they don't have to pretend to be to spare your feels.
bunburyscucumbersandwich · 18/05/2021 23:08

If the child doesn't want to go, then they don't go!

My dd year 6 trip is £350 for 4 nights. £100 is a bargain in comparison.

Bigenoughbox · 18/05/2021 23:10

My dd would seriously worry about this, though would probably do it in the end. No way would I force her though (she was so relieved that PGL was cancelled because of covid). And £100 is a lot for some families.

ThatWasThat · 18/05/2021 23:14

(not a teacher) Childhood is a great time to expand horizons. If they are scared at 4 days away, then let them practice with friends and family with 1 or 2 days a way. If they are scared of the prospect of activities which excite others, then have a word with the organiser to find a compromise/put it in the child's hands to avoid or not when they've actually observed what's asked of them etc. It's not good for kids to rule themselves early out of opportunities when they're still developing/changing/learning/not fixed in their ways.

ineedaholidaynow · 18/05/2021 23:17

@Bargebill19, interestingly I encouraged DS to go on all the activity residential trips at school, scouts etc and then shudder with horror at the team building residential courses I have been forced on at work, and then felt guilty. Luckily DS is more outdoorsy than I am.

How many parents on here dread sports day for their children as the child is not good at sport and they feel humiliated? How about sending them on a week away where they can feel humiliated for a week.

Most of these trips involve physical activities. What would happen if a school chose one that was all about non-physical more mental activities eg chess competitions, teams maths challenges? Would parents whose children hated maths etc still encourage their children to go on something like that as it would be taking them out of their comfort zone.

ThatWasThat · 18/05/2021 23:18

but thank you to all the teachers and other staff who put themselves out for our kids to have extra curricular opportunities and support them in growing in confidence and ability, especially when they're reluctant. Nothing suits everyone but thank you for continuing to try.

motogogo · 18/05/2021 23:19

What do you normally do when your fob isn't keen on doing a family activity or won't do something? Do you rethink your plans or tell him he's going anyway (and he spends the day trying to pretend he's not enjoying it whenever you look but clearly is.? I had a child who would say she didn't want to do things but I know it would be good for her and made her go, she did enjoy them but never admitted to me!

Clusterfckintolerant · 18/05/2021 23:22

If he doesn't want to go, I wouldn't force it. He's not a young child, he's old enough to be listened to.
I'd be querying their refusal to provide school as usual. I'm not sure they can.

ThatWasThat · 18/05/2021 23:23

@ineedaholidaynow

I agree, there should be a balance of activities

aiwblam · 18/05/2021 23:24

The money isn’t the issue as they’ve said they’ll help.

The issue is your son doesn’t want to go. Mine doesn’t like this kind of thing either - in his case due to SEN. I would tell the school your ds won’t be participating - they can’t take him without your consent, even if they covered the cost.

What is the problem with him staying home for the week?

Smartiepants79 · 18/05/2021 23:24

I have no issue with kids choosing not to go.
It’s the way that the trip is discussed as though it’s some massive inconvenience and how dare the school even consider being so unreasonable as to suggest it.
The OP actually describes herself as being ‘annoyed and resentful’ simply at the suggestion that she might like to send her child.
If you don’t want to send your child, then don’t. But at least acknowledge that for many children it is a wonderful opportunity that staff work hard to provide.

aiwblam · 18/05/2021 23:25

They could certainly provide somewhere for him to go for the week - they must have spare classrooms if kids are out.

Fishandhips · 18/05/2021 23:26

It sounds like OP is being annoyed at being pressured into paying £100 for her DS to go when he doesn't want to, with the talking of them hoping for 100% attendance and insinuating there won't be classes running.

Snoozer11 · 18/05/2021 23:28

@Seashor

Thank you op. I have been seriously thinking about organising an overnight trip for our cohort. This will entail hours of work and unpaid work for every staff member who attends, but I thought it would be of great benefit to the children. After reading your post and some of the replies I won’t bother now.
Oh get over yourself.

£100 is a lot. Even to those who can afford it.

twelly · 18/05/2021 23:29

Organisaing extra-curriucular activities is part of the schools remit and a teachers role as designated by the school - the parents and children aren't responsible for this nor should be guilt tripped by teachers in real life. (I accept that mumsnet is the place to make your feeling known as in R communications with parents and children it would be unprofessional)

Summerfun54321 · 18/05/2021 23:30

I love trying new things, having different experiences and going outside of my comfort zone. 100% I’d make my child go to this on the off chance they might have a good time and experience something new.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 18/05/2021 23:30

YANBU to be pissed off you have to pay for your kid to do something he won't enjoy.
He doesn't want to go.
You don't want him to go,but have to send him.
To top it all off you have to pay £100 for the privilege.
There should be the option of staying behind for various reasons.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 18/05/2021 23:32

@Summerfun54321

I love trying new things, having different experiences and going outside of my comfort zone. 100% I’d make my child go to this on the off chance they might have a good time and experience something new.
What if it's not something new? The kid is in secondary after all.

What if it's something he's done and tried before, knows he doesn't like it but has to do it anyways because reasons?

ChaToilLeam · 18/05/2021 23:32

Well, it’s reasonable for the school to hope that every child will go. In the end though, for one reason or another, there are sure to be some who don’t.

A week of activities for £100 sounds pretty good, but of course, it depends what they are and what kind of choice there is. You wouldn’t have got me on a sports themed week at any age, but if there was arty-crafty stuff, or zip-lining and other adventurous things to try, I’d have been there like a shot.

mumwon · 18/05/2021 23:33

it also about working in groups & problem solving & not sitting down at a screen & a social development -all important

2 of my dc were not sporty but they enjoyed being with their friends

CharlieChickenson · 18/05/2021 23:33

Forced fun can fuck off at any age, especially when you have to pay for the privilege.

19lottie82 · 18/05/2021 23:33

Lots of kids don’t think these things are their cup of tea but enjoy them?
Broadening horizons and all that?

I refused to go on a residential school trip when I was at school, because I was being bullied. I didn’t disclose this to my Mum, or the school. I just dug my heels in and refused to go.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 18/05/2021 23:37

My dd year 6 trip is £350 for 4 nights. £100 is a bargain in comparison.

It makes no difference to those who can't afford any extra, though. If I offered you a brand new 5-bedroom detached house in Kensington in exchange for you transferring me £500,000 on the spot, how would you react to this obvious bargain? What if I were willing to accept £400,000, or even reduce it to 'just' an instant payment of £250,000 in exchange for this brand new, highly desirable, very high-value (and instant re-sale value) house? To a lot of people, either £350 or £100 for a school trip is pretty much equally beyond the question.

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