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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu, compulsory school trip costing £100

204 replies

kitkat463 · 18/05/2021 20:37

Aibu, my son's school ( secondary) are having an activity week at a local activity centre during the normal school week. They've said they are hoping for 100 percent uptake and don't have the option for kids to just go to school as normal. It will cost £100 per child, but they have said if anyone can't afford it they should ask for help. I can afford it, but my son doesnt want to go, it isn't his cup of tea. Aibu to be annoyed and resent paying £100 for something neither my son or I want him to do. I dont want him just to stay home for a week so I'll probably send him But Aibu to be annoyed? ! No, you are not unreasonable this is not acceptable for schools to do this, yes... Yabu it's a fun activity week and the school just want to give the teens a fun week after a rubbish year.

OP posts:
PanamaPattie · 18/05/2021 22:24

An activity week isn't for every child - it would have been torture for one of mine. I think £100 is a lot of money for anyone and I wouldn't pay it if my child wasn't interested. I don't see how a school can make this sort of activity compulsory.

AliMonkey · 18/05/2021 22:26

Oh and DS's school provides fun in-school activities (eg cooking or an escape room or a photo project) for any kids staying in school if most are out on a trip.

Throughabushbackwards · 18/05/2021 22:26

£100 for a week sounds cheap to me. DS (primary) is going on a one night/two day trip that is costing £66.

picturesandpickles · 18/05/2021 22:27

A school trip can not be compulsory, that is surely impossible as you can refuse consent for the trip.

State you don't consent for them to go and see how they respond.

I have refused consent for all sorts of things that happen in school, let alone outside the building, no one has ever tried to over rule this. I don;t see legally how a school could.

singsingbluesilver · 18/05/2021 22:27

Mumsnet at it's finest today.

The horrible school is forcing my child to do non educational stuff that isn't my child's cup of tea - how dare they. Stick to teaching them.

The horrible school isn't orgainisng a prom for my child - school is about more that just teaching

Guavafish · 18/05/2021 22:31

I don’t think he should go! Unfortunately schools have now become money making schemes for the owners. It’s nonsense

CthulhuChristmas · 18/05/2021 22:33

@eatsleepread

YANBU, and if he doesn't want to go he shouldn't have to. Especially if it really is supposed to be just a 'fun' week, not educational in some way.

Aye, God forbid, eh? Hmm

Did you read my very next sentence? Grin

If the purpose of the trip is to have fun, and so it's full of activities that many children will find fun but that OPs DS hates the idea of, then it wouldn't be a fun trip for him, would it? So the purpose isn't served. Some of my colleagues would love a sporty activity day (for instance) and find it fun. I'd hate it. Neither is right or wrong. People are different.

Some people on this thread seem not to realise that children are individuals, with their own preferences, and not everyone who says they don't want to do something will actually love it when they try it.

SpaceRaiders · 18/05/2021 22:33

If cost isn’t an issue then, YABU all kids have missed out on so much this last year, think of it as an opportunity for him to socialise with his mates even if the activity isn’t typically his thing.

Bargebill19 · 18/05/2021 22:34

Yanbu.
It’s the children’s equivalent of office management team building horrors and all manner of Christmas parties etc.

KittyKatChonky · 18/05/2021 22:35

I stopped going into school after a few years of it. It wasn’t my cup of tea.

EasterEggBelly · 18/05/2021 22:37

Don’t make him go. My parents forced a trip like this on me and I hated every minute. People saying it pushes kids out of their comfort zone - that’s not always a good thing or necessary!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 18/05/2021 22:38

It’s actually not even about the activity, it’s the expectation that parents will pay for it that’s frustrating.

I agree. Also, however good 'value' the week is, £100 is a huge amount to a lot of families, even without factoring in covid effects on finances. It's more than a month's worth of child benefit, which many parents already depend on to just about make ends meet.

If they asked for £2,500 for the week, probably all of the more 'comfortable' families would be frothing and complaining at how outrageous it is (and rightly so, I daresay); but to the poorest, that £100 will be the equivalent of £2.5K to the wealthiest.

However worthy the activity, making it defacto 'compulsory' shows a huge lack of understanding of the very large demographic of families who simply have no capacity at all for luxuries, however pleasurable and good value for what they are those luxuries may be.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 18/05/2021 22:40

@Smartiepants79

I’m with you *@Seashor* We’re in the middle of attempting to organise an overnight trip for our yr6’s. Something that would involve me working for 48 hours straight with no extra pay. Never mind all the paperwork etc...I do it happily as the kids gain so much from it. This kind of mean spirited thread from parents pisses me off no end.
I went on two trips to France with school. Both were enjoyable and useful. Both were also voluntary and over half-term. Those who didn’t want to go didn’t, and didn’t miss out on any schooling as a result. It all happened without teachers getting sneery that parents were being ‘mean-spirited’ if their kids didn’t go.
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 18/05/2021 22:42

Some people on this thread seem not to realise that children are individuals, with their own preferences, and not everyone who says they don't want to do something will actually love it when they try it.

Absolutely. I'm one of those 'weirdos' who sees people winning holidays in Jamaica or The Seychelles on TV gameshows and thinking that I'd actually much prefer Norfolk or Devon. I realise that puts me in the tiniest minority, but still, we are not all the same.

Zzelda · 18/05/2021 22:43

They clearly aren't going to get 100% uptake. There will be other pupils who don't want to go, and there will be children with, for instance, social communication and sensory difficulties who may well find it impossible to cope with this sort of event. As people have said, your son will still have to receive an education so the school will be laying on something for those who don't attend. I can't see any reason to feel guilt-tripped into paying for it.

Viviennemary · 18/05/2021 22:43

Complain to your local education authority. They need to provide alternatives at the school.

Zzelda · 18/05/2021 22:44

@Seashor

Thank you op. I have been seriously thinking about organising an overnight trip for our cohort. This will entail hours of work and unpaid work for every staff member who attends, but I thought it would be of great benefit to the children. After reading your post and some of the replies I won’t bother now.
Oh, get over yourself. Not all children are the same. Deal with it.
TheCrowening · 18/05/2021 22:48

God, I’m trying to imagine being made to attend an activity day at my secondary school which might have involved physical/sporty type activities. It would have been my worst nightmare for a day let alone a week. No way I’d have got through it. I left school nearly 30 years ago and I still feel sick at the thought of that!

KaleSlayer · 18/05/2021 22:48

I wouldn’t pay to send my child somewhere they didn’t want to go.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 18/05/2021 22:49

Residential strips were the best. We all used to go on them. We all had a great time. The best of times. How are kids supposed to function if they have never been out of their comfort zone? How are kids supposed to be resilient?

Flipflops85 · 18/05/2021 22:52

Adventurous activities are part of the National curriculum, that’s why it’s being pitched as compulsory. However, over night stays are not. You could drop him daily if it’s local. If that’s not possible they’d need to try to ensure he took part at another time, unless there was a specific barrier to taking part (aside of it not being his ‘cup of tea’)

They can’t force you to pay - they’re not allowed, it’s always a voluntary contribution.

TankFlyBoss · 18/05/2021 22:54

Whatever the school say, they have to provide an education at school for any child not going on a trip. Otherwise they are breaking the law. However, while they would have to have him into school they can accommodate him in another year groups. I'm an education welfare officer working for the local authority education services.

KFleming · 18/05/2021 22:55

@Ritasueandbobtoo9

Residential strips were the best. We all used to go on them. We all had a great time. The best of times. How are kids supposed to function if they have never been out of their comfort zone? How are kids supposed to be resilient?
Oh please, plenty of people are resilient regardless of whether they spend a week doing archery in the rain as a child.
Singalongasong · 18/05/2021 22:56

@EasterEggBelly

Don’t make him go. My parents forced a trip like this on me and I hated every minute. People saying it pushes kids out of their comfort zone - that’s not always a good thing or necessary!
Agreed, but after the last 14 months, I'm sure mine isn't the only teen whose life has shrunk beyond recognition. Even very normal stuff like going to the shops feels out of their comfort zones. I think for many children, this activity would be a good opportunity to get back into the wider world a bit and make the most of their summer, within the social "safety net" of their year group. It might make all the difference in giving them a bit of confidence to get out of the house more in the holidays.

Of course it won't suit every child, nothing ever does. But I would certainly be trying to convince my 14 year old to overcome her fears which are not "just her personality" but something acquired through lockdown. I would read it as a huge positive that school is trying to bring a bit of joy and personal growth to the students.

EnidSpyton · 18/05/2021 22:58

I'm a secondary teacher.

Schools cannot make any trip compulsory. Legally they are obliged to provide an education to your child during the statutory number of school days per year. If this trip is during statutory school days, the school must provide alternative arrangements, in school, for those children who are not attending the trip. It doesn't have to be normal lessons, but there should be some educational provision. The school cannot ask you to keep your child at home due to a trip you have not consented to.

Trips are a fun change to the daily routine for most children. However, I fully appreciate that for some, for various reasons, they are an unpleasant experience to be avoided at all costs. I do think it's healthy to encourage children to push themselves out of their comfort zones and try something that makes them feel uncomfortable, but if your son really isn't up for it and you don't think it's in his best interests to make him, then by all means, don't feel pressured to send him on the trip. I'm sure he won't be the only one not to attend. However, you can and should insist he is educated at school on these days - the school has a legal requirement to do so.