Sick note after MC

[wtfjusthappend]

NC as don't want post to be linked back to me.

Posting as this has been playing on my mind and not sure if I'm the one BU.

I had an MC at 11+2 6 weeks ago. I self-certified for the first week then called my GP who signed me off work for 2 weeks.

After the 2 weeks I wasn't ready to return to work so requested another. I was given another 2 weeks without having to speak to the GP (their policy, not at my request) and same again 2 weeks later.

I still didn't feel ready (my head is all over the place) so last week requested a repeat of the previous extensions. This time a different GP gave me a 1 week extension and left a message with the receptionist to tell me if I need more time off I need to speak to a GP.

I made the appointment this morning and received a telephone call from original GP who signed me off.

He basically told me that 'lots of women have miscarriages and they don't ask for sick note after sick note' and I should be 'getting out of the house and talking to people'. He also said it's very likely that I will go on to have a normal pregnancy next time, to which I managed to reply that that wasn't really the point. I was quite upset at this point and struggling to explain myself to him.

He then said he wanted me to feel supported, to which I responded that if that were the case, perhaps when issuing my sick note the GP should have called me to discuss why I was asking for an extension.

I eventually managed to tell him that I have counselling in place through work, and also a telephone appointment with Occupational Health, to which he responded 'as you have a plan in place I will issue your sick note' and that was that.

I was left feeling as though I should 'be over it' by now.

I spoke to DH who simply responded with 'who is he to decide whether or not you should be ok by now?' - mirroring my feelings exactly.

I mean I understand he's a GP who has a lot more experience of this than I do. But surely he should be aware that all women handle this differently? This was my first MC and I have found the whole thing very traumatic.

AIBU?

I'm pretty strong-minded so I know I will move on from this in time. But someone else in this situation may not find it so easy.

Should I say something? Or just let it go?

Sorry for your loss. You can't put a timeline on grief.

Thank you x

I'm sorry. I understand as I have had many and never carried a full term.
I understand how hard it is, but I also agree with your doctor. 6 weeks is a long time off.
Sending you lots of hugs.

Very sorry for your loss OP.
I appreciate why but I think you are slightly over sensitive with regards to your GP, I think they were genuinely trying to encourage you to help yourself feel better however it came across as heartless and abrupt.

I had a sudden miscarriage at 15 weeks, down our garden path,in the 1970's era, it was quite horrible to experience.,I was on my own, Husband was at work,and we didn't have a telephone at that point. both my neighbours were out. My husband drove me to the doctors the next day, to a small village next to our village. The GP was an older doctor, quite ancient. He then proceeded to write out a prescription for some iron tablets, saying, well miscarriages are very common with a first pregnancy.!

I just felt very drained for about a week after wards, but then quite back to normal again. I just accepted that miscarriages happen, We did not have scans back then.

So sorry for your loss. I am afraid though that this is probably coming from a place where the GP genuinely sees you as an outlier as this amount of time off for an early loss is substantial. Everyone is of course different and they clearly have an approach but it is clear that you are requiring more time than most.

I work in HR and so we see sick-notes for this from time to time (and have very supportive policies and counselling/occ health) which is awful but I've never seen anyone have more than a month off for a first trimester loss.

I think the issue is, no one is suggesting you should be "over it", but are you able to work and carry out some normal activity. You could even explore a phased return etc. The GP sounds clumsy in the delivery of this sentiment but do consider that they probably aren't being asked to sign women off for this long in these circumstances. We are all unique and you deserve to feel how you feel of course and it's valid, but it is also their job to look at whether you could resume any regular activity. Wishing you well.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I think that while of course you shouldn’t be over it, it’s probably about time where they need to start looking at you going back or doing something. It would worry me if you were my friend, that you felt like this 8 weeks on. Not grieving, that’s normal, but being unable to cope with your job etc through it. However I would try to help, not be abrupt and dismissive like they seem to be. I’m glad you are getting counselling and wish you all the best

OP I’m so sorry for your loss.

It sounds like the GP was just doing his job. You say you’ve been signed off sick for eight weeks, the GP sounds like he was double checking to ensure your healthcare needs are being met rather than doing the easy thing and signing you off sick without checking in on you.

He’s your GP it may have felt invasive but he needs to know you are receiving the care you need, which sounds like is what his review was aimed at doing.

Sorry for your loss OP. You might find going back to work helps you. I got signed off after a traumatic TFMR but after 2 weeks I felt that moping around the house with nothing to do but dwell on it wasn’t actually helping me to move on, work was a welcome distraction.

I’m sorry for your loss, to be honest I don’t think you ever fully get over it so to speak.

I do think that if you are still in such a bad way that you can’t even work is concerning and gentle challange from the gp was appropriate. It does sound like they were a little clumsy but if you still need to be off work I can understand why they needed to explore this with you.

You’re right though, any success of future pregnancies with due to respect to the gp mean sod all to you now.

So sorry for your loss, I've had multiple miscarriages too so have had those grief feelings.
However I was quite surprosed by how many notes you've had. It may me you need support for your MH a d the counselling will help. The one thing about taking time off and not going to something normal like is that you're sinking, not floating back to 'you' again and you may need a hand hold to help get you back to you. It's easy to keep hiding under the bedcovers, but it's going to affect your MH. Can you ask instead for a phased return to work? Dip your toes on again and try to get some normality back again - good luck OP

Sorry for your loss OP.

I do agree with your doctor though. 6 weeks off for a first trimester MC is a really long time.

Nobody is saying you need to get over it but I think part and parcel of being an adult is learning to accept things and find a way to still function around them. 6 weeks is a long time, and it's probably time you got back to work tbh.

My Mum died in March (aged 70 and very upsetting) and I had 4 weeks off and returned to work. The day before I went back in I felt I couldn’t go back but having been back for 3 weeks it has really helped me and provided a distraction from thinking about her 24/7.

I too had a late missed miscarriage 10 years ago. It was at 16 weeks and I had to have a procedure. I remember vividly the sadness of those days but I returned to work after a week and arranged some private counselling to help.

Going back to work doesn’t mean you care any less about the loss of your baby but it will probably help you with your plans for falling pregnant again. I did 8 months later and now have an amazing 8 year old.

Take care

Your gp wasn't telling you to stop grieving, he was saying that life goes on and having that much time off work is excessive so you need to grieve whilst getting back to normal. It probably feels heartless to you because you're feeling vulnerable.

I’m sorry for your loss. I know how hard it can be - I’ve had 4 miscarriages including one at 16 weeks. I never felt over my miscarriages really. I had to learn to go about my life carrying the grief. The first day back was always pretty painful but once it’s done, it gets easier.

Personally I took very little time off, a week for the first one and then only days for the others including the time to have surgical interventions. Being busy is my coping mechanism though, having more time off would have been fine.

I think that the hardest part of grief is re-entering normal life - but it is also key to being able to move on. You might not feel ready (I don’t think anyone does) but I would suggest that getting back to a more normal life will help you to move through this. The beauty and the cruelty of life is that carries on regardless.

Sorry for your loss op but I think 6 weeks is excessive. I also recently had a missed miscarriage at 9+5 and had a surgical procedure. I was off 2 weeks. I really didn't want to go back (as I hated my job snd work place anyway) and was still really upset but I think as others have said you do have to force yourself to do things to make yourself feel better. It was hard at first but there's only so long you can sit at home watching tv and being sad.

I think the gp has been a bit clumsy with words but also I think it's your responsibility to help yourself. You obviously think that they should be phoning you to check up on you when you requested an extension. Most people just want the sick note, they're trying to deal with a lot of people, I think if you needed to talk to them about more support for mental health or ask about counselling etc you should have made an appointment not just requested an extension.

If it has affected you to the point where you need 8 weeks off then I believe you do need extra support. Which is what the dr suggested. I took 1 week off for each of mine and being back actually helped distract me. Hopefully you'll feel better after some counselling. Sorry for your loss.

* Your gp wasn't telling you to stop grieving, he was saying that life goes on and having that much time off work is excessive so you need to grieve whilst getting back to normal.*

^I agree wit this. 6 weeks is excessive.

So sorry for your lose. No one has the right to decide how you feel . Some people may cope better at work and others not . There isn't a rule to what is the right way to deal with lose or when you will feel ok again. Take care xx

It sounds like a lot of time off when really getting back to the office might help you feel better.

I self-certified for the first week then called my GP who signed me off work for 2 weeks.

After the 2 weeks I wasn't ready to return to work so requested another. I was given another 2 weeks without having to speak to the GP (their policy, not at my request) and same again 2 weeks later.

I know people are saying 6 weeks but I’m reading that as 10 weeks off - your self cert week, 8 weeks in 2 week lumps and then one more week.

I’m really sorry about your miscarriage but yes, 10 weeks off work for a miscarriage is a lot.

I agree with your GP. 6 weeks off for a first trimester loss is excessive.

Noooo! I’ve misread. So sorry. But even so, 6 weeks is still a lot.

I agree with PP- I think the GP was being entirely reasonable.

I'm afraid I agree with pp. You will continue to grieve of course but have had a long time off work. I do wonder whether another two weeks off will make any appreciable difference to how you are feeling. I also feel that your GP has acted appropriately. They have renewed several sick notes without expecting you to justify it, but now feel that the best course of action, based on their experience and professional opinion, is a return to normality.