Sick note after MC

[wtfjusthappend]

NC as don't want post to be linked back to me.

Posting as this has been playing on my mind and not sure if I'm the one BU.

I had an MC at 11+2 6 weeks ago. I self-certified for the first week then called my GP who signed me off work for 2 weeks.

After the 2 weeks I wasn't ready to return to work so requested another. I was given another 2 weeks without having to speak to the GP (their policy, not at my request) and same again 2 weeks later.

I still didn't feel ready (my head is all over the place) so last week requested a repeat of the previous extensions. This time a different GP gave me a 1 week extension and left a message with the receptionist to tell me if I need more time off I need to speak to a GP.

I made the appointment this morning and received a telephone call from original GP who signed me off.

He basically told me that 'lots of women have miscarriages and they don't ask for sick note after sick note' and I should be 'getting out of the house and talking to people'. He also said it's very likely that I will go on to have a normal pregnancy next time, to which I managed to reply that that wasn't really the point. I was quite upset at this point and struggling to explain myself to him.

He then said he wanted me to feel supported, to which I responded that if that were the case, perhaps when issuing my sick note the GP should have called me to discuss why I was asking for an extension.

I eventually managed to tell him that I have counselling in place through work, and also a telephone appointment with Occupational Health, to which he responded 'as you have a plan in place I will issue your sick note' and that was that.

I was left feeling as though I should 'be over it' by now.

I spoke to DH who simply responded with 'who is he to decide whether or not you should be ok by now?' - mirroring my feelings exactly.

I mean I understand he's a GP who has a lot more experience of this than I do. But surely he should be aware that all women handle this differently? This was my first MC and I have found the whole thing very traumatic.

AIBU?

I'm pretty strong-minded so I know I will move on from this in time. But someone else in this situation may not find it so easy.

Should I say something? Or just let it go?

We each cope our own way but you have had a lot of time off and should maybe try getting back into a normal routine. I’ve been there (twice) and getting back to work rather than sitting at home, where there’s nothing to do but think and dwell, really helped me. Sorry to be harsh but it’s time to pull up your big girl pants and get on with it

Sorry for your loss OP.
I do agree with your doctor though. 6 weeks off for a first trimester MC is a really long time.

In the gentlest way OP, I agree with this. And I've had MCs myself so I am not speaking with no experience.

I went back after 1.5 weeks and in hindsight it wasn't nearly enough and caused me major issues down the line, so don't feel bad for needing longer.

On the flip side counseling and finding a way to deal with your grief is a good idea.

So sorry for what you've been through.. It's a very sensitive subject. Physically you're capable to work but obviously emotionally and mentally hasn't caught up with you. I had 1 week off work when my mum passed away. In my culture you cremate the deceased almost immediately after death so that's why. I found being busy and talking to colleagues really helped. The minute someone was nice to me it set me off but it showed me that people cared about me.. I think the longer you stay off work the harder you'll find it to go back. Your GP, however clumsily.. Was just doing his job.

It sounds to me like the doctor was reluctant to keep signing you off without talking to you. He then, through talking with you, found out you had a plan in place to try and get yourself back in a healthy mindset and able to cope with your loss and grief. After knowing all this, and that was a plan to move forward, the doctor signed you off.

You're exactly right, there is no time limit but I also do think the healthiest way to move forward (not on) is by regaining normality and routine in your life. Trust me, I've been there. The first day back is by far the hardest and it resulted in a panic attack for me. But by the end of the day I felt much better equipped to deal with work and life.

I had two miscarriages and went back to work a fortnight after each. I’m a teacher and my reception class were so pleased to have me back-it was great (after the initial panic) and took my mind off things completely. Having 6/7+ weeks off is a full half term and would have been pretty unthinkable.

Your GP is doing you a favour-getting back to work will give you a focus. You will never forget the miscarriage but the healthiest thing after this long is to get back to normal. I was pregnant again 6 weeks later both times!

I don’t think anyone is suggesting you just get over it
But sometimes it’s better to get back in the horse , for
Your own mental health
What about reduced hours ?

I agree that six weeks is a long time to recover physically from an early miscarriage but if you are still traumatised then couldnt you get sick note for stress.,

I don't think it's helpful for people to say 'I had a miscarriage at X weeks and had X time off'. It's far too individual for anyone elses experience of what they did to really be useful in that sense imo.

I have had lots of miscarriages. I have had some earlier ones that hit me harder than some late ones. I've had some that I wanted to get straight back to work and normal life and others where I just wanted to curl into a ball for months on end.

It's very easy to slip into MH problems following something like this and so I agree that you may need to look at more support now. But you shouldn't feel rushed to get back to things just because of what other people did or didn't do or what they think is too long or not. It's your life, your trauma, your mind. Everyone copes with this differently and everyone recovers differently.

I hope you're okay OP. Please feel free to message me if you like and perhaps look to speak to someone like a counsellor if you can.

I also hate the 'force yourself back to work because its "good for you"' brigade too.

It entirely depends on the person and often the job.

For example, I have a very stressful job that can be quite difficult and emotional at times. It absolutely wasn't good for me to force myself into that environment when my mind was in a very fragile place.

How about get back to work
Because the world is a strange place right now , and none wants to see OP lose her job

OP

I think to be honest he is right that you do need to be going to work and getting on with your life. Yes I have been devastated my miscarriage but staying home fir weeks on end didn't make me feel any better.

Staying at home for weeks on end makes the thought of going back seem much worse than the reality. The GP is right.

Should I say something? Or just let it go?

Say something to who? Are you suggesting you complain about the GP?

I really don't think people should be telling this poster that how long she had off was too long.

A miscarriage can also trigger other anxieties and everyone grieves differently and everyone deals with it differently.
Ive had two miscarriages and both times I worked with employees who were pregnant and couldn't see myself going back, but I did because this is how I dealt with it but it could have been a massive trigger for someone else.

If you don't feel like you can manage going back to work seek help and talk to your doctor about more time off until you are ready. You should not feel pressured and I'm sure if you spoke to work they would support you and discuss ways to ease you back into work at your own pace.