Sick note after MC

[wtfjusthappend]

NC as don't want post to be linked back to me.

Posting as this has been playing on my mind and not sure if I'm the one BU.

I had an MC at 11+2 6 weeks ago. I self-certified for the first week then called my GP who signed me off work for 2 weeks.

After the 2 weeks I wasn't ready to return to work so requested another. I was given another 2 weeks without having to speak to the GP (their policy, not at my request) and same again 2 weeks later.

I still didn't feel ready (my head is all over the place) so last week requested a repeat of the previous extensions. This time a different GP gave me a 1 week extension and left a message with the receptionist to tell me if I need more time off I need to speak to a GP.

I made the appointment this morning and received a telephone call from original GP who signed me off.

He basically told me that 'lots of women have miscarriages and they don't ask for sick note after sick note' and I should be 'getting out of the house and talking to people'. He also said it's very likely that I will go on to have a normal pregnancy next time, to which I managed to reply that that wasn't really the point. I was quite upset at this point and struggling to explain myself to him.

He then said he wanted me to feel supported, to which I responded that if that were the case, perhaps when issuing my sick note the GP should have called me to discuss why I was asking for an extension.

I eventually managed to tell him that I have counselling in place through work, and also a telephone appointment with Occupational Health, to which he responded 'as you have a plan in place I will issue your sick note' and that was that.

I was left feeling as though I should 'be over it' by now.

I spoke to DH who simply responded with 'who is he to decide whether or not you should be ok by now?' - mirroring my feelings exactly.

I mean I understand he's a GP who has a lot more experience of this than I do. But surely he should be aware that all women handle this differently? This was my first MC and I have found the whole thing very traumatic.

AIBU?

I'm pretty strong-minded so I know I will move on from this in time. But someone else in this situation may not find it so easy.

Should I say something? Or just let it go?

Sorry for your loss OP. 8 weeks is a long time off and the GP is looking at your situation from the outside and from a different perspective, although he probably didn't word it very sensitively. When I had my MC, I had 2 weeks off and then a work a trip - I didn't feel ready at all but to be honest, it was the best thing I ever could've done to get me out of my 'funk'. Just being around people and letting myself laugh and chat about anything other than the MC was like lifting a weight. Would you consider going back to work to test the waters and see how you feel about it? It may surprise you.

I’m sorry about your miscarriage OP, it has obviously knocked you for six.
It’s unrealistic to expect to remain off work indefinitely like this though. GPs fill out a lot of sick lines to a lot of people for a lot of different reasons. I suppose they have to make a judgement call somewhere along the line.
Perhaps you do need further support with your grief to aid you back into your normal routine. Good luck. X

You are not being unreasonable. There's no right way or timeframe to grieve and a GP of all people should understand that. Try to speak to another GP- they might even have some helpful advice to support you through this. I'm assuming your work are fine with you having this time off so really it's no place for the GP to be deciding for you with comments like that.

However, as a PP has said maybe testing the waters and going into work (even for just a couple of hours) could be a good distraction- it doesn't have to be full time straight away and if you can't face it you can leave.

Try to speak to a different doc for some support and proper advice, and maybe reach out to some support groups that can help you through this.

So sorry for your loss, I hope it gets easier for you soon

Going back into work should help you, I had 2 weeks off with mc1 which was during the summer and only a couple of days for 2 and 3. I went straight back to work with mc2, literally straight from the scan to work the same day. If mc1 had been in termtime I wouldn’t have had 2 weeks off. The message was not phrased as well as it could have been but early mcs are common and taking the time off that you have had is unusual. I think the longer you stay at home the harder it will be to go back so I think you do need a push here.
💐

I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage OP

I had one a few years ago when I was 10 weeks pregnant and I was devastated. I self certified for 5 days but as my job is focused on working with babies I just couldn’t face going back. I saw my GP who gave me a sick note for two weeks and then I went back. It was so hard going back, being surrounded by babies as young as a week old, but it did get easier.

Grieving for miscarriages can take a very long time for some women and you aren’t going to wake up one day and feel ready to go back to work ..... feeling ‘normal’ and being able to function normally is going to be a slow process but it’s one you’ve got to start at some point.

I’m sorry you feel upset by what happened with your GP but I agree they did the right thing - they can’t keep issuing dick notes without any kind of discussion/review to make sure you’re coping okay.

Needing this much time off is suggestive of greater problems than you would normally expect after a miscarriage, especially for someone who describes herself as pretty strong-minded. The doctor has a duty to explore that. I'm glad you have counselling in place - after two miscarriages, I found talking was the most helpful therapy. However, like others, I also found it helpful to get back to work and my normal routine.

I'm a GP and I think we do people no favours by dishing out sick notes on request. Every sick note should be an opportunity for a review and consideration about whether some work is possible. It doesn't sounds like it was handled as well as it could be, but if you have been off that long then you need some help, maybe counselling, maybe you are slipping into depression. Good luck OP, I hope things work out for you.

6 weeks is a long time for an early miscarriage. I suppose everyone handles it differently but it does seem excessive. They can’t keep signing people off without speaking to them. I hope you’re feeling better soon.

Bug hugs. I returned to work (under pressure) 6 weeks after having a stillbirth and whilst it was the wrong thing at the time, it actually was the best thing. I still was able to grieve my losses and then focus on going forward.
Everyone is different though and we all grieve differently. It is heart breaking when a miscarriage happens of course (I've had one at 10 weeks also) but you can and will cope. It will make you stronger as a person. ❤ wishing you the very best of luck.

I have also just suffered my first miscarriage at 10 weeks, I'm actually still suffering the effects, so I completely understand your pain and I'm so sorry for your loss OP

I don't think your GP was suggesting that you should be over it, you may never be 'over it'. I think he has clumsily told you that it may help to try and get back to some sort of normal. That amount of time off work really is not going to do you any good. It will get harder and harder to go back.

It's only been a week for me, but I've found sitting around the house with nothing but my own thoughts and what ifs has been massively hindering me. Being around people, talking to people about it, letting myself cry and letting myself laugh... it's helping. Life does go on and it doesn't mean you're forgetting what happened or that you're over it.

The miscarriage association are holding support groups via zoom at the moment, maybe look into that. There are lots of other support groups out there which you may find helpful. Xx

I've had 5 miscarriages. 2 of them I've needed time off for, and one of them I was miscarrying for 5 weeks due to not wanting a D&c but even so I went back to work after the 2 weeks. If I hadn't I would've moped for longer, and put myself right back to square one of my depression. The longer you have off, the harder you're going to find it to go back to work.

Everyone is different but this does seem like a very long time off work for a miscarriage. Have you considered counselling? Maybe contacting one of the miscarriage charities for someone to talk to would help. Do you have people in real life you can talk to? When I had a miscarriage at 16 weeks I went back to work after a week and I found my (almost all male) colleagues incredibly supportive. One of the things that really helped was discovering just how common miscarriage is and that so many people I know have gone on to successful pregnancies. Personally I don’t think we talk about it enough, it’s a normal part of life and shouldn’t be hidden, but again everyone is different.

Agree with others, whilst of course you shouldn’t be over it, 6 weeks is a very long time to have off after an early miscarriage and the doctor is right to be questioning it. 2 weeks is usual. Could you look at a phased return instead of more time off?

I’m so sorry for your loss, such a heartbreaking thing to have to go through.
I do believe that your doctor, contrary to just being a heartless knob, was genuinely concerned and pushing the point (perhaps bluntly!) that trying to get back into some sort of routine would be a positive thing for you. I believe very much in giving yourself time to grieve but equally in trying to get back to work/normal activities as much as you can to help the healing process.

I'm reading this as at least 9 weeks including the new sick note issued today by your original GP? That is a long time OP.

Nobody is suggesting you should be 'over it' as you likely never will be entirely, but unless you are experiencing deeper problems with your physical or mental health that therefore need some additional treatment then perhaps you should consider that returning to work and a degree of normal life will likely help you feel a better day to day.

Wishing you all the best x

I’m afraid I agree with previous posters. Your GP needed to talk to you about your experiences to establish your eligibility for a sick note. They needed to go out whether you were still having physical problems or were worryingly mentally ill.

Could you consider a phased return to work with Occupational Health? It’s not wrong to still be struggling but it is unusual, so if things aren’t getting better on their own then it may be worth trying to listen to the advice of others.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I stupidly carried on working during the loss of my first, that wasn't sensible. However after a couple of weeks (when physically better) I was grateful to keep busy. I would also think 6 weeks is a long time, not because you stop grieving, but because the best thing for mental health is to keep going as much as is reasonably possible with routine and things that keep your mind active. With my second MC I needed bed rest for a few days, but then had zero choice but to get on with family life and commitments, my third was the least physical so whilst again sad, gave no opportunity to stop and reflect for weeks. It's crap, it really is at times, but life cannot stop for weeks on end over an early miscarriage.

I think your gp was just trying to help you, he'll be concerned about you needing so much time off and is probably right that getting out the house will help you.
By contrast my colleague and I both lost our dads a few months apart. I had a couple of days off work and I think he had a week, from talking to others around that time it seems most people find it helpful to get back out to work and into their routine. The gp is right to be concerned.
I'm so sorry for your loss

I’ve had 2 miscarriages at 12 weeks that required a surgical procedure. I’ve never really got over them, even now when I have gone on to have a child.
Both times I think I had 2 weeks off work. I hated going back but looking back now I can see that it helped me (along with therapy). I don’t think your GP was being mean, I think he was trying to help you.

Sorry for your loss OP. But you need to find a way to grieve and live. Getting on with your life and back to normal is very important. 6 weeks is an extraordinarily long time for a miscarriage let alone a first trimester.

Go back to work. It will help you. Make sure you attend counselling. Hope it all goes well.

I’ve had three miscarriages in the last 16 months. It has really affected me and I am very sad and angry about what has happened to me, as well as terrified that I'll never have a successful pregnancy.

That said, in February I was teaching a Y7 class over Teams (text not video) whilst I was in hospital waiting for an MVA, and back on zoom the next morning.

I'm not suggesting that would be appropriate for everyone, but for me work has provided a much needed distraction. I think six weeks with nothing to focus on apart from your feelings of grief is perhaps not healthy. Have you had any counselling?

I'm sorry for your loss op
If I've read correctly, you have had 7 weeks off already, plus the new sick note so in total 8/9 weeks.
Kindly, that is a very very long time to be off sick for a mc. No one is saying you should be over it. I don't think you ever get over it actually, but avoiding getting back to normal is probably at this point doing more harm than good. I agree with the gp, that getting back into a routine would be really good for you, and definitely some counselling xx

Your DH is right no one can tell you how long you should grieve for. Just because you go back to normal life doesn’t mean you aren’t still grieving your loss though.
There is a mental health benefit to be gained getting back into a work routine though. The GP could have expressed his thoughts more sympathetically but I also think 6 weeks is a long time off sick for a miscarriage. Is a phased return an option for you?

I'm sorry for your loss

I also lost my first baby at 12 weeks. Everyone is different but I passed the baby on the Friday and was back at work on the Monday

I actually agree with the GP that being at home isolating yourself isn't going to do your mental health any good. You do need to be back out talking to people and returning to a routine

I went on to have 4 further miscarriages and 2 near fatal ectopics, I couldn't have taken 6 weeks plus off with each time

That's a really long time to take off sick.