To ask how you prepare for a SMEAR?

[CafeMochaVodkaValiumLate]

I've only ever had one and it wasn't long after I'd given birth so I think I was beyond caring.

Do you trim? Take paracetamol? Wear a dress?

I'm overthinking this I know...but, pls amuse me.

I used my epilator on my legs as I didn't want the nurse to think she had an escaped gorilla on her hands. Purely for my own sake though really. She gave me a piece of the paper towel stuff for modesty which was OK. Like a pp I also find deep breathing during the procedure helps to stop me tensing up.

I now have Jake Thackray's 'Brother Gorilla' swinging lissomly around my brain

I love the nurse who does mine. I had a really bad experience in my old town where the nurse made it obvious she didnt want to be doing it as she had just had her nails done. She was literally grimacing and then said "Ewww you have lots of discharge. Are you always like that?" She made me feel disgusting.

When I moved I gathered the courage to speak with the nurse beforehand and she couldnt have been more lovely and reassuring. She said discharge/ no discharge is normal and I should never have been made to feel bad the first time. She said she has seen it all and very rarely is she shocked. She is just glad women are attending

@ItWasLikeThatWhenIGotHere

Make sure I’m wearing pants without holes.

Yes!

Don’t laugh or sneeze as the speculum will fly out, happened to me once when the go made a joke 😂

Shower and polish my toenails.

@SoMuchForSummerLove

Yeah that didn't happen.

Why oh why oh why do people keep repeating that story!

I don't really care. It's a funny story!

@SoMuchForSummerLove

Yeah that didn't happen.

Why oh why oh why do people keep repeating that story!

My line manager told me this story recently as though it had happened to her friend, even though it’s been repeated online a million times over the years.

As she was telling me I was annoyed that she took me for being so stupid and that she must’ve known she was telling an obvious lie. It still pisses me off a little that she thinks I’m so gullible.

I don't get why you'd repeat blatant bullshittery as if it's true, but whatever!

I know @Wafflehouse it's such a crap urban myth.

I was mid-smear once when the nurse caught my pubes in the speculum. Now that was fun. But I don't go around telling everyone like it was a day at the circus!

@SoMuchForSummerLove

I don't get why you'd repeat blatant bullshittery as if it's true, but whatever!

I didn't claim it was true. I said I'd heard something funny.

Clean my feet!!! Having done many smear tests it's the one and only thing I notice.

Shower
Be on Time

Matching socks.

FFS @SoMuchForSummerLove it's a funny story , no one said it was gospel truth! Lighten up!

I sprinkle some glitter on my clitter and sometimes add a postage stamp just for shits n giggles

i once took DD when she was about 2 ish as had no childchare, she sat in her buggy at my head end and was fine. However, next time she was unwell and I took her to the Dr, she sobbed in the waiting room wailing

"no lay down for Doctor mummy, no Dr mummys wee wee" etc

that was fun

I recently had one. First one since covid. I had to strip off in front of the nurse. There was no curtain anymore and the piece of paper to cover my tummy / fupa was tiny!! Wish I had known they took the curtains down so I could have worn a long top to cover my bare arse!!

@Claricethecat45

Can I please please tell you that, as a Practice/FP Nurse I can and often do, conduct upto 6 smears a day; I will always use the smaller speculum with plenty of cytology friendly lube gel for almost all women apart from multigravida's who sometimes have larger vaginal walls which can 'occlude' i.e.; fall in a bit....and they may need a slightly larger model.

I have never ever 'noticed' any one particular feature of a Vulva/Vagina which sets anyone apart and aside from making an observation that there is no obvious problem...discharge/loss, deformity or lesion, I do not even notice the state of someones wax or pubic hair or lack/amount of it....SO many women 'apologise' that they haven't been for their regular wax, or that there razor was blunt! I don't care!!!!

I also see a lot of piercings!! not as clunky as when speculums were exclusively stainless steel! so in general a little less cumbersome than it used to be.

I aim to make the procedure as quick and comfortable as possible and use a little ctyobroom and honestly its all over in one minute....I always offer a modesty cover even if it is only a sheet of paper, and almost all my patients just hold their underwear until we are done.....the only only thing I would say is not to have sex within a few hours of attending as semen definitely makes everything a bit 'cloudy' but if it happens, then we deal with it !

Oh - and well done for attending.....take a panadol an hour before the appointment if you are supersensitive is my only advice but really- it won't make too much difference.....

It is so important to have these smears and I make it my daily mission to never lose sight of anxieties around having it done and I will also ensure that there are NO interruptions or loss of privacy at any stage during the appointment.

Please please do not worry.

@Claricethecat45

That's a lovely post. Thanks for taking the time to care for your patients

Be clean.
Have a wee before.
Wear socks so they don’t have to smell your feet.

Shower as close to the appointment as possible. Sometime take a pack of femfresh wipes if i have to go at the end of the day or something. Other than that my main goal is to be relaxed and fuss free. I’ll struggle in and out of jeans because they are my normal clothes and what I’d otherwise want to be wearing. I’ve found the more I can relax the less likely it is to be uncomfortable and the quicker it seems to go back seems to go by.

@Claricethecat45 Thank you. You sound fab.

I remove socks if I’m wearing them. Seems rude not to! Don’t know why!

@BluebellsGreenbells

I remove socks if I’m wearing them. Seems rude not to! Don’t know why!

I'm never sure what to do about socks!

I always found it difficult when they told me to relax as was clenching my cheeks so as not to fart. After about 6 years in the practice I said it was hard to relax while doing this. The Dr calmly told me that I wouldn't have been the first. Couldn't have cared less, just didn't want it to be me.

I can remember the glitter thread, in my recollection it was a male GP that had done the smear.

In France they're done by a gynaecologist not a GP and after each one I've bled, but never in the UK. In fact I've skipped my very last one as I didn't like feeling like a well-scrubbed floor.

I shower, make sure I’m trimmed and wear something easy to change in and out of. I’ve never heard of anyone taking paracetamol before! I find them a bit uncomfortable but not painful.

Had mine today. It's five minutes and you have a sheet over you.
I don't understand how people make it such a big deal. They are looking only at what they need to do and will not care if you are shaved or anything else.
Just wear something that is removable on bottom half and not an all in one number and you'll be fine