To ask how you prepare for a SMEAR?

[CafeMochaVodkaValiumLate]

I've only ever had one and it wasn't long after I'd given birth so I think I was beyond caring.

Do you trim? Take paracetamol? Wear a dress?

I'm overthinking this I know...but, pls amuse me.

I had my last one 3 months postpartum and it had been years (like 5 years overdue ) but it was absolutely fine. No pain just an odd sensation when they took the sample. A friend has told us some stories of toilet roll attachments to the bush and stinky end of day people so I made sure to pee and THEN shower so there was no risk of an embarrassing bog roll situation. That was something I'd never thought of before!

Brazilian wax then a full on vajazzle with sparkly jewels strategically placed to catch the light. A spray of Eua De fleurofhaddock and some fairly light thongs and I’m good to go.

@OlympicProcrastinator

Brazilian wax then a full on vajazzle with sparkly jewels strategically placed to catch the light. A spray of Eua De fleurofhaddock and some fairly light thongs and I’m good to go.

@Claricethecat45

Can I please please tell you that, as a Practice/FP Nurse I can and often do, conduct upto 6 smears a day; I will always use the smaller speculum with plenty of cytology friendly lube gel for almost all women apart from multigravida's who sometimes have larger vaginal walls which can 'occlude' i.e.; fall in a bit....and they may need a slightly larger model.

I have never ever 'noticed' any one particular feature of a Vulva/Vagina which sets anyone apart and aside from making an observation that there is no obvious problem...discharge/loss, deformity or lesion, I do not even notice the state of someones wax or pubic hair or lack/amount of it....SO many women 'apologise' that they haven't been for their regular wax, or that there razor was blunt! I don't care!!!!

I also see a lot of piercings!! not as clunky as when speculums were exclusively stainless steel! so in general a little less cumbersome than it used to be.

I aim to make the procedure as quick and comfortable as possible and use a little ctyobroom and honestly its all over in one minute....I always offer a modesty cover even if it is only a sheet of paper, and almost all my patients just hold their underwear until we are done.....the only only thing I would say is not to have sex within a few hours of attending as semen definitely makes everything a bit 'cloudy' but if it happens, then we deal with it !

Oh - and well done for attending.....take a panadol an hour before the appointment if you are supersensitive is my only advice but really- it won't make too much difference.....

It is so important to have these smears and I make it my daily mission to never lose sight of anxieties around having it done and I will also ensure that there are NO interruptions or loss of privacy at any stage during the appointment.

Please please do not worry.

You sound a lovely nurse, can you do my next one 😂?

Have a shave, then apply a bit of pritt-stick , some glitter from an old abandoned jewellery making kit, and if I’ve got the time I like to attach a small Lego keychain torch. Helps the nurse see better...

Don't have sex 24 hrs before and shower before too thats it

Actually always make sure I spray my feet and shoes with odour eaters. Hate the thought of sticking my stinky feet In nurses face. ( although last few times they haven’t used the stirrups). And make sure my socks aren’t a disaster.

I have booked a morning appointment both times so that my shower isn’t wasted by being at work all day!

I do ‘groom’ but that’s to make me feel more comfortable. I really don’t think the nurses care!

I try and wear a long top or short dress (the kind you wear with leggings) so I feel a bit less exposed.

I haven’t found either of my smears at all painful or anything more than very slightly uncomfortable, so I personally wouldn’t take any painkillers beforehand.

Good luck!

A wee and a wash I think it’s the main thing

What's with the bitchy, sarcastic comments if you've got nothing useful to say why comment?

I have severe endometriosis which effects my vagina, cervix and rectum. At certain points in my cycle it is extremely painful.
I've unfortunately had some really nasty smear experiences.

My advice is to try and relax before the appointment like listening to music.
I will let the nurse know I am nervous and that I have a medical condition. My past few smears have been far more pleasant since speaking to the nurse. Maybe it's psychology too as I feel more in control

Shower in the morning, make sure you are on time and TRY to relax. All done in less than 10mins.

TOP TIP - not preparation but during procedure. I once asked if I could put the speculum in myself rather than have them try to get it in. Then they can angle it as they need to and take the smear. MIRACLE no more uncomfortable smears. I now believe that is the cause of much of the pain women experience during smears. To think about it, it is insane that they do it because you inevitably tense up.

A friend of mine was a Practice nurse. She always liked when people were freshly shower and had non smelly feet. She dreaded a late in the day appointment when someone would come in with bare feet in ballet flats

Go to the loo first. Having a full bladder is not comfy!

If I'm in room 2 (very specific I know!) I have to ask if we can move the bed away from the wall a bit. Otherwise "flop your legs out and relax" ends with me very much not relaxed because I've just whacked my knee hard on the wall. The nurse said I must have unusually long thighs.

@Stockholmvillage you might prefer to put the speculum in yourself as well, I have several women who prefer this.

Full public perm and a dusting of glitter hairspray. Same as every day.

@Stockholmvillage

I’ve read through the entire thread and haven’t seen one bitchy sarcastic comment here? I doubt any woman wouldn’t take it seriously. But the op did ask to be humoured.....

I have a shower and shave my Bikini line that’s it. If I’m working i make sure I’m not wearing tights that day. Nothing special I have regular smears.

This reminds me of something funny I heard years ago.

Woman went into the bathroom for a quick freshen up before her smear appt but didn't have time for a shower so she used a flannel instead. Got settled down and the doctor says "Ooh, fancy!" She thought, Well I had a trim, but nothing special.

When she got home she saw the flannel she grabbed had glitter all over it from when her daughter had washed fancy dress make up off her face!

Oh my god! Now I'm kicking myself for not paying attention to my feet washing prior to every one I've had.

Of an a slight tangent and shamelessly pinching someone else's story but it still makes me laugh!

A few years ago on a MN thread about smears a woman told a story about how she went for a smear and after the nurse said thanks for going to so much effort... the woman was puzzled. Later at home when tidying the bathroom she realised that she'd cleaned her vulva before going to the appointment (by giving it a wipe over with her face cloth) She now realised she'd used her 6yr old daughters face cloth by mistake which was covered in body glitter having washed following a birthday party the day before it humours me that the nurse was confronted with a sparkling glitter sight when inserting the speculum

@PleaseReferToMeAsBritneySpears ahhhh cross post! Still makes me chuckle too!

😂 You told it better!

@namesnamesnamesnames honestly, it’s fine!

Yeah that didn't happen.

Why oh why oh why do people keep repeating that story!