AIBU to think my SIL was trying to steal my thunder?

[GlasgowMiss1991]

So this happened before Covid, when people could attend events etc.

I had just got engaged and my family had kindly organised a family dinner for just my parents, siblings and partners and my cousin had organised a brunch the following day for the wider family to mark the occasion.

My SIL has a track record of becoming ill whenever my family has an occasion - she's missed major birthday celebrations, naming ceremonies etc.

On the day of the dinner she insisted that we call to her house beforehand, which was not something she'd ever done before. My mother, my sister and I called down. My brother, (SIL's husband), and my Dad weren't there. SIL congratulated me on my engagement and told us she was pregnant.

I was delighted for her, but surprised at the manner that she had announced it, especially given that my brother wasn't even there.

She then became ill and hysterical later on in the evening and didn't show up for the family dinner.

I was mainly confused and surprised but my mother was quietly livid (she did not make this known to SIL or brother). She did ask them, however, not to announce the pregnancy at the brunch the following day.

Anyway I'm sure you can see where this is going. They announced it at the brunch. Everyone seemed a bit stunned by the announcement, there was no major fuss made.

Anyway, this happened ages ago, but since then she has done this again. She didn't attend my hen party and she took ill just after the ceremony at my wedding and left before dinner started. We had booked and paid for a room for them at the wedding venue so she could have gone for a lie down but instead she went home. There was a second day of celebrations at the wedding but she didn't attend that either.

We make it our business to attend all of their parties/events etc.

We never spoke about this. I just sort of pretended that it was normal because frankly I didn't know how to approach it, and I don't want to start a fight. I have a good relationship with my brother. I mentioned it to a few friends but they didn't really offer opinions on it.

AIBU to think that she is trying to get attention, or at least trying to disrespect my celebrations deliberately? This isn't normal, right?

My sister in law announced her pregnancy (first in our family) on the morning of my wedding day. 😡

She does sound like an attention seeker but I’d just roll my eyes.
You had still got engaged regardless of how she acted. Just get on with your own life, you won’t change her.

I don’t think you are being mad or unreasonable. I have a friend exactly the same as this although not so difficult to handle as she’s not family. Every single day or night out (and I mean every single one) organised with our group of friends she will either be ill, something dramatic happens and she can’t go. What has to happen is all the attention goes on her, she’s persuaded to come along ‘see how you feel etc’ and sometimes she makes it and other times she doesn’t. One of our friends has the right approach she just says ‘ok sorry you can’t make it’ and ends the conversation politely and that’s it. The rest of exhaust ourselves trying to sort out said drama or support with illness. It’s purely attention seeking.

But as I said, I don't subscribe to the whole "It's my special day!" nonsense.

Personally I've loved sharing my friends and families various special days with them throughout the years and would never try to spoil or overshadow them.

Your SIL sounds very rude, particularly as she's never ill when it's her occasions. I would make less effort for her occasions and only attend if I wanted to catch up with other family etc.

Just say you're unwell if you don't fancy it. Maybe even, I think I had what you had at Nan's birthday or whatever. She can't exactly complain.

Next time you [plan an event, call her and say " I'm inviting you first before anyone else, so that you have plenty of time to plan new ways to disrupt it".

I think you all sound massively dramatic. You had a family dinner and a brunch to announce your engagement?

Sorry, but a pregnancy tops that in my book.

YANBU obviously.
I thought the sickness thing could be just a coincidence or that she gets anxiety but there’s no excuse to reveal your pregnancy on someone else’s day when she could have waited a day or 2 more. She would have gotten more attention too. Did she find out that she was pregnant on that day?

Good news is good news it’s not about what trumps what. You let that person have their day and then announce your pregnancy, engagement, new job etc a couple days later.

I agree with 2bazookas. I'd say things like, we're having a barbecue on Sunday. Shall we cater for you or are you going to be ill at the last minute/go home before lunch again?
I have no patience for spoilt, attention seeking children let alone adults.

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

I think you all sound massively dramatic. You had a family dinner and a brunch to announce your engagement?

Sorry, but a pregnancy tops that in my book.

I don't think it is dramatic to go to a dinner and brunch your family arranged because they wanted to celebrate some nice news with you.

@greenfingerswouldbehandy to celebrate, not to announce.

I have to assume you're trolling because to think that someone genuinely finds it "dramatic" to have a family dinner and then brunch at a cousin's house with local aunts and uncles to celebrate an engagement is too sad.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy
It doesn't matter what life event any of us think is bigger or trumps another. It's weird and attention seeking to attend someone else's event and deliberately aim to make it all about you.

Some people are like that though. As someone said here, if you go to Tenerife they have been to Elevenerife. They have to find a way to make everything about them and why their life must take centre stage.

It is odd. And your SIL sounds like an attention seeking drama queen.

My SIL, tried to dictate what my DC should wear to my wedding, demanded a bridesmaid dress which was several hundred pounds more expensive than anything any of my other bridesmaids chose (I asked all SIL’s to be my bridesmaids to prevent offending anyone and paid for dresses which they chose themselves), told me she wanted Manolos to go with her dress (DH laughed when I told him), then she told me she was doing my wedding cake (I had a cake I wanted to order) then after I had ordered the cake stand to her specification she decided she was doing cupcakes, then changed her mind again then again and threw a hissy fit proclaiming how utterly stressed she was and would he taking an entire week off to make a dozen cupcakes 🙄. In the end DH ordered cupcakes and SIL went into a strop and wouldn’t speak to any of us for weeks leading to the wedding, where she was also meant to be doing a reading.

So you’re not the only one with a batshit SIL. My wedding was less than a year ago so I do still have very little patience with the crazy woman as it’s quite fresh for me and she made a stressful (covid wedding) even more stressful.

Commiserations your SIL is also a frutiloop

Yes she sounds like she can't bare not to be the centre of attention. I have a sister in law who is somewhat the same! She will regularly try to spoil any family get together by having some drama or illness and has a face like a smacked arse whenever she does actually attend anything. The really weird thing is when it comes to the kids she's very kind and generous, always remembers their birthdays and always enquires about them and congratulates their achievements. I don't understand how there are such huge differences in how she behaves.