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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends daughters 1st birthday

543 replies

namechangedforthis21 · 16/05/2021 21:26

It was my friends daughters 1st birthday yesterday. She had given everyone set time to show up for dropping off presents and to see her dd. My family was assigned 12-12:30 I text her during the week to say we would be there but would be slightly later as my dd football finished at 12. She changed the time to 12:30-1 which I said was no problem. After football we drove to her house and my dd was still in her football strip. Today she has texted me saying Hi I wasn't going to say anything as I didn't want to make you feel bad but I was very upset that ....... showed up to ..... 1st birthday party in her football strip given the fact I changed your time to accommodate her football. It would of been nice if you could have made an effort and got her changed into proper party attire.
I still haven't replied as I don't no what to say.
WIBU by not changing dd8 out of her football strip?

OP posts:
Dogoodfeelgood · 16/05/2021 22:42

I can’t even imagine giving people a time slot to drop a present off for my one year old, who wouldn’t remember anyway...she’s lost the plot a bit I’m afraid! Hopefully she returns to reality soon

FlipFlapFlop1980 · 16/05/2021 22:42

She obviously doesn't realise that kids don't "do" party store these days. No party dresses etc (unless fancy dress).

But, yes, batshit and effing ungrateful.

FlipFlapFlop1980 · 16/05/2021 22:43

Party attire

Brindisi32 · 16/05/2021 22:43

Did her baby daughter complain about the football strip? Hopefully whatever is bothering your friend will fade and she'll laugh at herself.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 16/05/2021 22:44

We are invited to a bbq at hers in a few weeks and dh has said he will be wearing his full suit so he doesn't offend her.

Love this - or you could all turn up to the BBQ in muddy football kit.

Hugoslavia · 16/05/2021 22:45

Crikey. If it was a party under normal situations, then yes, you'd expect guests to make a little bit of an effort, although would never be rude enough to pick anyone up on it. A present drop is totally different. I would respond saying that, as explained you were given a tight schedule and you prioritized being there on time so going home, getting dressed and missing your slot and that you were unaware of a dress code. I would then say that you felt disappointed that she sent you a text like that, rather than thank you for coming and for the gift.

Serin · 16/05/2021 22:45

OP can you just clarify for me, Was the party at a royal residence? Because, thinking about it, if the Queen was in attendance then there is the possibility that you were being a teeny bit unreasonable.

FlipFlapFlop1980 · 16/05/2021 22:45

I'd be sending her a message like "Are you OK? I'm really worried about you. You've not really been yourself in the last x months/since x was born". Or the laughing emojis.

LifeinPieces21 · 16/05/2021 22:46

@TheRavenNevermore

Did this really happen? Shock
That was my thought I don't know anybody who would do this.
NewlyGranny · 16/05/2021 22:46

She's lost the plot and that text was plain rude. If she wasn't going to say anything, she should have followed that impulse..

Next time you invite her to yours, be sure to specify the dress code: I suggest using Kath&Kim terms like Tizzy or even Piss-Elegant.

You and DH should dress for their barbecue as if it were a Buckingham Palace garden party, you in a cartwheel floral hat.

I very dare you!

Treemama · 16/05/2021 22:49

What a cheeky, greedy and rude friend you've got OP Confused

SnackSizeRaisin · 16/05/2021 22:51

I've been to several 1 year old parties (before covid) and none of the babies or adults (including birthday baby) have ever been dressed in party clothes. This wasn't even a party!
Maybe it's a class thing? Is she WC?

MusicWithRocksIn1t · 16/05/2021 22:51

If she's a good friend and has never been like this before I'm going to assume that having a baby during lockdown in a yar of massive social isolation combined with precious first born syndrome has actually sent her loopy.

On a more important note, were you given cake? It's not a party if you weren't given cake!

Hugoslavia · 16/05/2021 22:51

On the topic of correct BBQ attire, I think that you'll find that it involves very loud Hawaiian shirts, colourful Bermuda shorts, flip-flops, a sun hat (ideally with corks) and a ukulele! And don't bother taking a bottle of wine as gifts are clearly under appreciated!

IdblowJonSnow · 16/05/2021 22:52

What an absolute cheeky fucker!
Don't reply at all unless you tell her she's rude, mad or both!

nimbuscloud · 16/05/2021 22:52

This is quite literally unbelievable.
How long have you known this person?

seashells11 · 16/05/2021 22:52

This is hilarious. Your friend is bonkers.

Embroideredstars · 16/05/2021 22:54

I'm pissed off on your behalf!
The comment is bad enough but the lack of thank you would hurt me more.

Depending on the closeness of the friendship would affect how I replied I think.

She got a bloody cheek though!

Hugoslavia · 16/05/2021 22:56

Or you could show up to the BBQ in chefs hats and novelty saucy aprons.

CombatBarbie · 16/05/2021 22:56

OP I think you need to have a quiet word with her as her friend. Yes it's PFB but she was rude. She's gonna get a rude awakening if she says similar to someone less passive.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 16/05/2021 22:57

If she's a good friend I'd text back;

'Are you okay? Seems unlike you to be upset over what my dd wears....'

And see what she comes back with.

Babyjune21 · 16/05/2021 23:02

Nahhhhhh block and delete ! Completely looney tune !! I wouldn’t even waste my breath

BlueVelvetStars · 16/05/2021 23:03

Tell her you have better shit to worry about. What a clown she is.

Original poster
namechangedforthis21 · 16/05/2021 23:03

We have been friends for over 30 years that's why I don't want to reply something that will end the friendship.
She has never behaved like this in the past although she very much think the world revolves around her dd and has done some crazy stuff since she was born. She likes to plan stuff and when it doesn't go the exact way she has planned she can get a bit moody about it.
I am going to text her in the morning saying that I was unaware that it was a party and I hope that her dd had a good birthday and liked her present.

OP posts:
Nats1984 · 16/05/2021 23:03

Yep. Sounds like an Instagram birthday and your child didn’t fit the narrative. I’d hope it’s a one off as it’s a first birthday and it’s sometimes a bit of a ‘thing’ for the mum. Hopefully she won’t be this mental next time. I must admit I went totally over the top for my sons first birthday ( he wasn’t a PFB) but I’d had a really awful birth and we aren’t religious so no christening or anything, anyway I dragged all sorts of random relatives and people I didn’t know all that well to the village hall to watch kids on bouncy castles and had two separate buffets ( one for kids , one ‘posh’ one for adults) and generally tied myself in knots and spent a fortune , all he did was eat cake in a little tykes car and look bemused. This is totally out of character for me, I’m usually very practical and laid back. I laugh about it now , it was like a village fete Grin I’d not have dreamt of criticising anyone’s clothes though, that’s a bit rude. If she’s usually lovely I’d write it off as being a blip caused by some kind of mum madness. It happens.