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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends daughters 1st birthday

543 replies

namechangedforthis21 · 16/05/2021 21:26

It was my friends daughters 1st birthday yesterday. She had given everyone set time to show up for dropping off presents and to see her dd. My family was assigned 12-12:30 I text her during the week to say we would be there but would be slightly later as my dd football finished at 12. She changed the time to 12:30-1 which I said was no problem. After football we drove to her house and my dd was still in her football strip. Today she has texted me saying Hi I wasn't going to say anything as I didn't want to make you feel bad but I was very upset that ....... showed up to ..... 1st birthday party in her football strip given the fact I changed your time to accommodate her football. It would of been nice if you could have made an effort and got her changed into proper party attire.
I still haven't replied as I don't no what to say.
WIBU by not changing dd8 out of her football strip?

OP posts:
Duemarch2021 · 19/05/2021 00:39

This is such a weird scenario that I'm wondering if it's even real.. Shock

Egghead81 · 19/05/2021 06:40

@Feelingconfused2020

I'm gonna offer your friend some sympathy. If you are the kind who gets emotional/hormonal at big moments in your child's life and you add in covid and all the things you've potentially missed in that first year I can imagine feeling like this. I can't imagine vocalising it. Perhaps it's testament to what a good friend you are.

Why didn't she just have a party in the garden next weekend?? She could have had just grandparents or something round for the actual birthday. That's perfectly normal even in non covid times but at the moment would have gone down well with everyone as a nice social event. Seems odd to celebrate with time slots a week before you can celebrate with everyone together.

Can you actually imagine being upset about a child turning up for half hour in a football kit? Really?
Poptasmagorical · 19/05/2021 07:53

I'm really pleased that you seem to be managing your friendship after this. I had been trying to imagine what I would do if it was my best friend and I think it would have been similar - pointing out how hurt I was and that I wouldn't have expected it of her.
I wondered whether she was struggling and so the christening that didn't happen has made it clearer and I can understand why she might have overreacted but I'd also want more of an apology than 'if I seemed rude'. She knows she was rude and 'if I seemed' puts it on your reaction rather than her behaviour.

I did very much enjoy some of the responses people suggested Grin

jugOFpimms · 19/05/2021 10:24

the time slots got me !! she's lost the plot

Franacropan1 · 19/05/2021 10:33

Cheeky present collecting exercise. Shouldn't matter if kids show up in pyjamas, never mind football strip. Ok parent might be sad that these times mean no proper party but the one year old isn't going to examine photos years later and grumble about clothes. She probably won't even know who the people are.

Rainie130 · 19/05/2021 11:23

I'd like to offer a different perspective as a grandmother to a little girl who was born 2 weeks into the pandemic.
Your friend does indeed sound a little bit crazy, but.... perhaps at the time her baby was born last year, she wasn't able to give her the welcome into the world that she had hoped for. There will may not have been a baby shower, no visitors to show her precious bundle of joy off to, no welcome home for the new baby & visitors in those first few days. There is unlikely to have been much support for the new mum and certainly no baby groups where she could meet other new mums.
I suspect that she just wanted to have 'a perfect' day for her daughters first birthday. Of course, turning up in a football kit doest really matter to most people, I just think there might be something an underlying issue.

PeachyPeachTrees · 19/05/2021 11:41

Well handled OP. You got your message across in a nice way and the friendship is still good.

I've had a good laugh at some of the comments today. Grin

Bmh54 · 19/05/2021 12:00

I have never heard such nonsense!!🙄
What 8 year old wants to go to a 1year olds party anyway, even if there was one..?
I think friend is very cheeky inviting you all round to drop presents off!!? I wouldn't be buying any more gifts for her! Self absorbed person. 😂
I personally would have thought it extremely cheeky giving me a time slot to drop present off..lol!! Some people are unbelievable.🤦

fartasapissed · 19/05/2021 12:20

Haha - you've made it in the Mirror OP! Grin

saraclara · 19/05/2021 12:37

Oh no

That's not remotely funny. The two parties in this have resolved things really well, and now their friendship could potentially implode.

I hate when this happens. So fucking cruel of the Mirror.

SirSamuelVimes · 19/05/2021 12:53

@fartasapissed

Haha - you've made it in the Mirror OP! Grin
Uh oh...
FelicityPike · 19/05/2021 12:58

@fartasapissed

Haha - you've made it in the Mirror OP! Grin
Just coming to say this too.
BlokeHereInPeace · 19/05/2021 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Allwokedup · 19/05/2021 17:12

@BlokeHereInPeace

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Sssloou · 19/05/2021 17:13

This is so irresponsible - this friend likely has a level of PND - this could be catastrophic to her already fragile MH.

saraclara · 19/05/2021 17:31

@Sssloou

This is so irresponsible - this friend likely has a level of PND - this could be catastrophic to her already fragile MH.
I couldn't agree more. And in addition to the mirror's awful behaviour, there are people here who think it's hysterically funny that they've printed it.

I hope to God that none of this poor mother's friends read the mirror and recognise her

Sssloou · 19/05/2021 17:34

I think MNHQ - should request The Mirror to withdraw this

Egghead81 · 19/05/2021 18:27

@Sssloou

I think MNHQ - should request The Mirror to withdraw this
Are you being serious?
Sssloou · 19/05/2021 18:38

@Egghead81 - yes I am being serious.

The OP has said repeatedly that her friends behaviour has changed since she has had her baby. Rates of PND have escalated this year in COVID - why would anyone risk triggering a potentially mentally fragile and vulnerable first time mother.

rainyskylight · 19/05/2021 18:39

I agree. This isn’t some ridiculous bridezilla story. OP came here looking for genuine advice and she resolved it with her friend. The friend has clearly had a rough year. My baby is 6 months old. I’m sure I’ve handled some things badly because her entire life so far has been in lockdown. Really poor of The Mirror.

JustKeep · 19/05/2021 19:03

MNHQ has literally zero power to make the mirror remove anything, and a request to take it down will just make the mirror think it’s a more important/controversial story.

I agree mirror is behaving badly here but unfortunately anything any of us post on here can end up in the papers and we can’t do anything about it.

MindyStClaire · 19/05/2021 19:09

@namechangedforthis21 you might want to ask MN to take this down Flowers

Lockdowntherabbithole · 19/05/2021 19:21

It’s in the Daily Record too

Egghead81 · 19/05/2021 19:34

[quote Sssloou]@Egghead81 - yes I am being serious.

The OP has said repeatedly that her friends behaviour has changed since she has had her baby. Rates of PND have escalated this year in COVID - why would anyone risk triggering a potentially mentally fragile and vulnerable first time mother.[/quote]
You honestly think MNHQ can ring up the DM as request they bring down a story about an anonymous thread on a public forum?

PollyPepper · 19/05/2021 22:42

Oh no Sad

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