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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends daughters 1st birthday

543 replies

namechangedforthis21 · 16/05/2021 21:26

It was my friends daughters 1st birthday yesterday. She had given everyone set time to show up for dropping off presents and to see her dd. My family was assigned 12-12:30 I text her during the week to say we would be there but would be slightly later as my dd football finished at 12. She changed the time to 12:30-1 which I said was no problem. After football we drove to her house and my dd was still in her football strip. Today she has texted me saying Hi I wasn't going to say anything as I didn't want to make you feel bad but I was very upset that ....... showed up to ..... 1st birthday party in her football strip given the fact I changed your time to accommodate her football. It would of been nice if you could have made an effort and got her changed into proper party attire.
I still haven't replied as I don't no what to say.
WIBU by not changing dd8 out of her football strip?

OP posts:
Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 16/05/2021 23:04

If I wanted the friendship I wouldn't reply for a few days then check and see if she is ok and did her dd enjoy the gift /birthday. Hopefully giving her time to reflect.
If I didnt care about the friendship I would, when asked about the bbq say
"I'm sorry we can't make the bbq, we dont want to get the dress code wrong. Hope you find some more suitably attired friends"

LadyGAgain · 16/05/2021 23:04

"Sorry you're upset. Was wonderful to celebrate xxxx birthday. She's gorgeous and I hope you all had fun".

Cam2020 · 16/05/2021 23:04

WTF?!

BlueVelvetStars · 16/05/2021 23:06

You're too kind OP..

even 30 year friendships needs a boot up the arse reality check occasionally.

She needs it now.

Glad to see your DD is playing football, good on her.. my DD plays soccer in the usa, but her Scottish skills intimidate them here 😂.

GreyStep · 16/05/2021 23:07

Just wow.
Hope she’s reading this, properly bonkers PFB.

My friend had her daughters first birthday during full lock down. She only had a few local people literally leave presents on the door and wave for a few minutes. She didn’t through her toys out the pram.

C8H10N4O2 · 16/05/2021 23:09

I think I will just ignore that message and see if she texts me later in the week

Probably the best option. If its very out of character maybe ask if all is well.

One of my dearest friends went utterly batshit with long awaited PFB. I found myself having a bit of a whinge about it when DM pointed out that if I'd waited 10 yrs I'd probably be batshit too. It wore off and now all the DC are adults and some are parents themselves we laugh about it.

PurpleSunrise · 16/05/2021 23:09

Bonkers!

HaveringWavering · 16/05/2021 23:10

Surely the only appropriate answer is “we did not wear “proper party attire” because it wasn’t a party” and a big shoulder shrug emoji?

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 16/05/2021 23:11

I think honestly you need to spell this out: I’d say that the message was not only rude but greedy, entitled and nasty. You’re embarrassed for her and she needs to take some time out to consider her behaviour. When she’s ready to apologise you’ll be ready to accept. Like duck would I go to that bbq!

8dpwoah · 16/05/2021 23:12

"oh I didn't realise your DD was upset, she never said anything" 😇

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 16/05/2021 23:12

Duck is a typo but I think y’all get what I meant to say :)

MindtheBelleek · 16/05/2021 23:12

@JudgeRindersMinder

“I could swear you just told my dd’s football kit spoiled your kid’s birthday 😂😂😂” Would be my reply
Or ‘I think your autocorrect must have mangled what was clearly supposed to say “ Thank you for DD’s present’’?
Sparklfairy · 16/05/2021 23:14

OP I don't think you realise how traumatic it was for the 1 year old to see that your DD wore her football strip to her first ever birthday party. That memory will stay with her for years to come Sad

Seriously, there wasn't even a party. I wouldn't even have wasted my make up on that little get together.

saraclara · 16/05/2021 23:16

I am going to text her in the morning saying that I was unaware that it was a party and I hope that her dd had a good birthday and liked her present.

I think that's a very sensible response. Though I'd love to respond with "one day you're going to look back at your message and curl up with embarrassment"

whattodo2019 · 16/05/2021 23:18

Tell her to bloody grown up.....

Zzelda · 16/05/2021 23:18

No elements of a party at all. She had a gazebo up that was blocked for guests that her dd was in. It was just drop the present on the table have a chat and then leave.

Say: "I wasn't going to say anything as I didn't want to make you feel bad but I was very upset that you didn't bother to offer us any refreshment given that we went out of our way to get to you on time after DD's football. It would have been nice if you could have made an effort and thanked us for your DD's present, too."

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 16/05/2021 23:19

"Haha good one- see you at the bbq, i am away to iron my ball gown "

Hersetta427 · 16/05/2021 23:19

Please send her a text saying "are you on glue?".

She won't get the inference but Mumsnet definitely will.

Seriously she is a CF and I would be considering your friendship. I wouldn't be going to her poxy BBQ.

ChaToilLeam · 16/05/2021 23:21

You’re too nice, OP. No way could I let such batshit rudeness go unaddressed!

billy1966 · 16/05/2021 23:21

OP,

She is an extremely rude and ignorant woman.

How dare she criticise your daughter's attire for dropping off a gift.

I think you should reflect on her criticism of your daughter.

The unbelievable rudeness and not acknowledging the gift.

Hard to believe its the first time she has acted out.

As for the BBQ.....I'd be busy.

Flowers
Allwokedup · 16/05/2021 23:23

That’s so strange. Who organises a gift drop off!? Madness. If someone wants to give you a gift let them lead it not tell them when and where to drop off at militant precession. I would assume she was joking and respond accordingly.

Sssloou · 16/05/2021 23:25

Definitely the laughing emoji - don’t fudge it or apologise - she needs a reality check

.....however do you think she might have PND? It must have been awful to have a baby in lockdown - v isolated, missing so many opportunities to connect with other new Mums, friends and family. Is this a long awaited PFB? Did read that PND was much much higher this last year.

The perfectionist and controlling behaviors often are an acting out of inner unconscious anxiety - trying to control the external world as a displacement from coping with her unsettled inner world.

spaceghetto · 16/05/2021 23:26

I would feel worried and concerned if my friend sent that message. She sounds like she's having a hard time with something.

HeadLikeAFuckinOrange · 16/05/2021 23:29

Sounds like she is struggling

Yes, with reality

BlueVelvetStars · 16/05/2021 23:30

@HeadLikeAFuckinOrange

Sounds like she is struggling

Yes, with reality

😂🤣

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