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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends daughters 1st birthday

543 replies

namechangedforthis21 · 16/05/2021 21:26

It was my friends daughters 1st birthday yesterday. She had given everyone set time to show up for dropping off presents and to see her dd. My family was assigned 12-12:30 I text her during the week to say we would be there but would be slightly later as my dd football finished at 12. She changed the time to 12:30-1 which I said was no problem. After football we drove to her house and my dd was still in her football strip. Today she has texted me saying Hi I wasn't going to say anything as I didn't want to make you feel bad but I was very upset that ....... showed up to ..... 1st birthday party in her football strip given the fact I changed your time to accommodate her football. It would of been nice if you could have made an effort and got her changed into proper party attire.
I still haven't replied as I don't no what to say.
WIBU by not changing dd8 out of her football strip?

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 17/05/2021 21:53

Or you could’ve asked her if there was a dress code for the dog walk!

But seriously your reply was cool and measured!

threeteenstaximum · 17/05/2021 21:58

@namechangedforthis21

Thanks everyone for your replies they have made me laugh. I texted her back this morning saying

Hope ..... enjoyed her first birthday it was great to see you all.
I must of missed the text about her party as all I received was a time slot to drop off her gift.
Anyways hope you are all keeping well and you know where I am if you fancy a chat.

Well done OP

Perfect response

Everybody on here has said everything that can be said

Yup your friend is bonkers and her child is one. One years old who doesn't care. You came straight from football in your time slot. Weird that she thinks your tired child ought change into other clothes doe a doorstep delivery of a present , no thought about how that might feel to your muddy wet and tired child who's father have just gone home to a warm shower or Bath.

All the MNers can tell this is her PFB (who is a baby still and doesn't care snd it wasn't even a party!!! )

Anyway, you did the sensible polite thing as friend will realise at some point that she behaved like an idiot over this. Best to ignore bonkers stuff and let it wash over you. We've all gone a bit crazy over PFBs at some stage... but hehe this was a doozy GrinGrin

Like her one year old would have cared... "but Mater to my first anniversary of my birth, there were plebeians at my door... a fie on them! ..."HmmWink

threeteenstaximum · 17/05/2021 21:59

*Who would Rather have gone home for a shower or Bath

Not that her father did! Lol such a terrible auto incorrect!

DaphneDuBois · 17/05/2021 22:01

Hope you’re on mumsnet, batshit friend. I mean really?! MAJOR grovelling needed to OP.

Original poster
namechangedforthis21 · 17/05/2021 22:02

So we took the dogs for a walk and she brought up her dds birthday and how well she thought the day went. I said to her I was really upset with her message about dds football kit as we had gone out of our way to drop off the present. She was really apologetic about it and said it had all just got to her that her daughter didn't have the 1st birthday that she had planned (before her dd was born she had planned to get her dd christened on her first birthday as she thought all the covid restrictions would be away by now)
Told her that when she has class parties for her dd a lot of the children will show up in sports clothes she laughed and thanked me for the warning.

OP posts:
Original poster
namechangedforthis21 · 17/05/2021 22:07

@threeteenstaximum her dad did go home for a shower as he was a referee for the boys team 😂 so he was lucky to miss out on having to go as the text would of been a lot worse I think if he had showed up in his tracksuit 😂

OP posts:
gottokeepplodding · 17/05/2021 22:08

I would text asking what you are allowed to wear for the bbq

Immunetypegoblin · 17/05/2021 22:10

Glad she acknowledged she was being a bit silly OP Smile

babbaloushka · 17/05/2021 22:20

That's a nice update, I remember the batshit things my friends said about their PFB- there was a post on here from a woman who remembered worrying that other mums would be jealous of her insanely gorgeous DD, but when she looks back at the pictures all she looked like a hairy potatoGrin

mummysharkk · 17/05/2021 22:33

You sound lovely op.

I think your friend may be a bit crazy from all she's been through having a baby in lockdown etc
Guessing it's first baby too and sounds like it may have been a long journey for your friend with bumps in the road.

She's lucky to have you.

MindtheBelleek · 17/05/2021 22:40

Does she get that her one year old, whose birthday it was, is unlikely to have had a dress code in mind?Hmm

I wouldn’t be that impressed with that apology. I don’t think ‘I had some elaborate ideas for a baby’s party that didn’t happen’ is any kind of acceptable excuse for sending a message criticising the outfit of an eight year old who was dropping offa baby’s present.

Has she actually thanked you?

Lalliella · 17/05/2021 22:45

@namechangedforthis21

So we took the dogs for a walk and she brought up her dds birthday and how well she thought the day went. I said to her I was really upset with her message about dds football kit as we had gone out of our way to drop off the present. She was really apologetic about it and said it had all just got to her that her daughter didn't have the 1st birthday that she had planned (before her dd was born she had planned to get her dd christened on her first birthday as she thought all the covid restrictions would be away by now) Told her that when she has class parties for her dd a lot of the children will show up in sports clothes she laughed and thanked me for the warning.
Good update OP, you handled that really well Smile
BackforGood · 17/05/2021 22:47

I agree with mummysharkk

You sound like you have been a lovely friend to her and she is lucky to have you.
Lucky you didn't strop off, lucky you have been willing to gently let her know some of her thoughts are bonkers.

Undersnatch · 17/05/2021 22:50

Aww you handled that really well. Not putting up with nonsense but gently allowing your friend to hear how crazy she sounded. We all need more friends like you!!

threeteenstaximum · 17/05/2021 23:08

namechangedforthis21

Well done

You sound lovely, thoughtful and kind friend from your responses to your friend during her bonkers moments Grin

So glad it has resolved ala the medium of chats during walking DDogs

So wholesome and unforced!

MindyStClaire · 17/05/2021 23:18

Ah that's a lovely update OP, well done.

ddl1 · 17/05/2021 23:47

What would bother me most really is her saying that she was 'very upset' by this breach of what she considers the etiquette. Not just 'I would have preferred', 'please do this in the future'; etc., but 'very upset'. Even with a PFB, this is a complete over-reaction.

ddl1 · 17/05/2021 23:50

So we took the dogs for a walk and she brought up her dds birthday and how well she thought the day went. I said to her I was really upset with her message about dds football kit as we had gone out of our way to drop off the present. She was really apologetic about it and said it had all just got to her that her daughter didn't have the 1st birthday that she had planned (before her dd was born she had planned to get her dd christened on her first birthday as she thought all the covid restrictions would be away by now)
Told her that when she has class parties for her dd a lot of the children will show up in sports clothes she laughed and thanked me for the warning.

Thanks for update - at least she's apologized and the friendship is continuing..

billybagpuss · 18/05/2021 06:46

She is struggling isn’t she? so the birthday drop off was supposed to be a big party and christening. I can understand her disappointment, but she’s lucky you’re such a good friend, I’ve known good friends not speak for years following crappy comments in the midsts of the anxiety of early child raising.

Rtruth · 18/05/2021 17:22

She’s mental

DrSK2 · 18/05/2021 17:24

What a prick!

LittleMissMe99 · 18/05/2021 17:28

Time slots is bonkers enough 😂 She's off her trolley

Mmpip · 18/05/2021 17:32

@thisplaceisweird

"since it was a 30min drop in visit rather than a party, I didn't think party attire was necessary. I'm sorry that it ruined your day. You're welcome for the gift, was nice to see you too"
Ooooooh I love this reply......Perfect 👌
Moorethemerrier · 18/05/2021 17:34

Is this your friends first baby? She needs to get a grip!

LokiDoki75 · 18/05/2021 17:36

That’s a lovely update OP. All’s well that ends well!

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