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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of dd13 downstairs everynight

726 replies

Thedarksideofthemoon30 · 15/05/2021 21:30

I absolutely love my dd13 obviously and I appreciate she wants to hang out with us (her dad!!) but it’s getting past a joke. It’s been going on for over a year now and We haven’t had one evening to ourselves in that time. I’m sick of not being able to watch soemthing that isn’t suitable. I’m sick of listening to her eating crisps while watching something lol and I’m sick of having to sit on my own on the other side of the room while she lays on the other sofa with DH.

We were halfway through a film but she clearly was bored, messing with her glasses etc so I turned it off and came to bed. I’m so fed up with it every single night!!

Dh won’t send her up stairs, he’s always too scared to say anything incase she falls out with him!!

OP posts:
Bbq1 · 15/05/2021 23:11

For the love of God your poor son.

This thread is deeply unpleasant. It would appear some parents on here see their children as nuisances or inconveniences that they don't even seem to like very much Really sad. My ds is 15 and we love his company and he's free to go where he likes in his own home.

KurtWilde · 15/05/2021 23:11

@Redleavesfalling289

When I was 13 my parents didn't give me a bedtime. I'd often be downstairs watching telly with them, though I did sometimes retreat to my room to read or play a game. To be fair, this was a while ago though, so screens were less of a thing back then.

Still, I think I'd have been upset at that age if my parents had sent me upstairs Shock

Same here.
tsmainsqueeze · 15/05/2021 23:11

@FoodieToo

Wow, I think this is horrible . We have 5 kids, 4 teens . Love them being around , great fun. Where do you want your daughter to go ??
I don't think you are horrible ! I empathise , parents are not perfect , quite normal to want a little time kid free .
Teenagehorrorbag · 15/05/2021 23:11

I agree it's rather sad. I'm sitting here late on Saturday night with DH having gone to bed half an hour ago, and the DTs (13) both glued to their gadgets with headphones. They often stay up later than he does at weekends....Smile.

I can't imagine banishing them to their rooms, and certainly not with bags of sugary junk food! Bedtime is 9.30/10 on school days but we are relaxed at weekends.

But we enjoy their company, especially when they actively engage with watching TV or playing games or cards. (But gadgets is more usual!) I just read some of these comments out to DD and we laughed. Why would DH and I need them gone unless we were planning rampant sex on the sofa? (and why would we be doing that after all these years, and with kids upstairs....Grin)

We are a family and enjoy each others company. That's why we had children. As PPs have said, they may be gone soon enough, enjoy them while you can!

1Morewineplease · 15/05/2021 23:12

[quote HerMammy]@1Morewineplease
Family time? every night all night, it’s healthy to have time in your own, being a. family doesn’t mean spending every waking moment together.[/quote]
Depends what you view as being a family , though, doesn’t it?
Telling a teen to go to bed because mummy and daddy want to be left alone sounds a bit sad, if I’m honest.
You’ll regret it in just a handful of years... truly.
But you do you, to quote a loathsome phrase.

Clymene · 15/05/2021 23:13

What do you want to do in the evenings that your teenagers can't share with you?

Watch porn?

What is exhausting about your teenagers watching tv with you? Confused

Hellcatspangle · 15/05/2021 23:14

Can't believe all these "oh this is terrible, so sad" guilt trip comments. It's perfectly normal to want a bit of time in the evening that isn't revolving around the dc.

When ours were teens we would have one night at the weekend that was family night, popcorn and a take away/family film/whatever the kids fancied doing. The other night they could stay up late but in their room so we could watch whatever we wanted without worrying if it was suitable. Do you have a tv in your room OP? It's perfectly acceptable for you to insist she goes up at 8.30 ish one of the evenings to watch something in your room/mess about on her iPad or whatever.

ineedaholidaynow · 15/05/2021 23:15

I don't think I know anyone who sends their teenagers out of the lounge. But by not having her own room and a later bedtime to her sibling what do you really expect her to do.

toocold54 · 15/05/2021 23:15

God, PP sending a 15 and 12 year old to bed.... so mean. So sad that people are so reluctant to hang out with their teenagers.

Kids need bedtimes though. I don’t think they should be able to stay up as late as they want.
I also don’t think they should be exposed to some late night programs but that means OP doesn’t get to watch it either.
A compromise is best - kids need rules and need to know that parents go to bed later than them but shouldn’t feel pushed out or that they’re not wanted.

FastFood · 15/05/2021 23:16

So we have people who recommend to:

  • send the kid to bed with sweets and crisps
  • send the kid to bed and stay on their phone / tablet
  • tell to kid to go to bed and fuck all

All of that to avoid

  • time together as a family

Gosh its sad.

Helloandhelloagain · 15/05/2021 23:16

I think this is so mean .

Rabbitheadlights · 15/05/2021 23:17

They aren't sent to bed at all, they have TVs, books, games consoles, PC's, art materials, phones and tablets ... I'm not sending them to bed ... I'm sending them to their rooms. And tbh I think a lot of you are full of crap ... Nobody wants to spend all day and all evening everyday outside of school with their DC, and those of you that say you do are honestly trying to portray yourselves as some kind of superior parent to an internet forum full of strangers!

Clymene · 15/05/2021 23:18

I'm amazed by the number of MNers who watch hardcore porn on a Saturday night.

Every day's a school day!

Porkee · 15/05/2021 23:19

I'm loving the typical MN shocked GASP at the thought of a child eating a small bag of haribo. Oh the horror.

Summerfun54321 · 15/05/2021 23:20

Your DD doesn’t have her own room but you and DH do. If you want some alone time, get a tv and watch it in your own room. You can’t expect a 13 year old to share a bedroom with a younger sibling then make her feel unwelcome in the lounge in the evenings.

Rabbitheadlights · 15/05/2021 23:20

13Clymene

What do you want to do in the evenings that your teenagers can't share with you?

Watch porn?

This was obviously said in jest, but why not, what if OP did want to watch porn???

KingdomScrolls · 15/05/2021 23:21

It's not her fault she has no private space to go and relax, what do you expect her to do go and lay in the dark because her younger sibling is asleep? She's not going to feel like she's relaxing in your room, she's going to feel like she's been sent out of the way. If she had her own space she'd be more inclined to use it. This really isn't very pleasant.

SusannahSophia · 15/05/2021 23:21

I just don’t get this? When they are teenagers you can’t send them to bed at 9pm! They aren’t little children anymore. They are becoming young adults. You don’t get child-free evenings at home anymore unless they are sleeping over at a friend’s. Were you banished to your bedroom at a teenager?

Rabbitheadlights · 15/05/2021 23:22

@Porkee I know right?
Hmm there are literally like 9 sweets in them! as a teen I was constantly rummaging in the cupboards in the evening and buying chips while out with friends!

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 15/05/2021 23:22

Your in the living room, you know the family room where people sit together to chat or watch TV. Honestly, why do some people bother having children. Must be a pretty shit feeling your parents telling you to fuck off to your room because they can't be bothered with your presence.

VimFuego101 · 15/05/2021 23:22

@KingdomScrolls

It's not her fault she has no private space to go and relax, what do you expect her to do go and lay in the dark because her younger sibling is asleep? She's not going to feel like she's relaxing in your room, she's going to feel like she's been sent out of the way. If she had her own space she'd be more inclined to use it. This really isn't very pleasant.
Exactly. It doesn't seem like she really has anywhere to go other than sitting with you. How much younger is her sister?
Disabrie22 · 15/05/2021 23:23

I love the poster who says no one wants to spend all day everyday with their kids - isn’t that parenthood?😂
Simple solution - get a TV in your own room or get the thirteen year old one in her room. She just wants company but if you give her her viewing outlet she might leave you alone to watch your own TV.
To be fair at 13, there should be a lot you can watch together.

RogerJamjet · 15/05/2021 23:23

@Porkee

I'm loving the typical MN shocked GASP at the thought of a child eating a small bag of haribo. Oh the horror.

Pretty sure it's the concept of sending teenagers off to bed at 8:30 with sweets that people are finding surprising rather than the actual Haribo.

ChrisWitlessPatrickUnbalanced · 15/05/2021 23:23

@3Britnee

I take it that op is the stepmother and her DH a disney dad?

What makes him a Disney dad? Wanting to cuddle up to his DD on the sofa on a Saturday night whilst watching a film?Confused

Serpenta · 15/05/2021 23:24

Haribo are great. Kids eating Haribo is fine in my book. It's the other details that caught my eye.

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