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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of dd13 downstairs everynight

726 replies

Thedarksideofthemoon30 · 15/05/2021 21:30

I absolutely love my dd13 obviously and I appreciate she wants to hang out with us (her dad!!) but it’s getting past a joke. It’s been going on for over a year now and We haven’t had one evening to ourselves in that time. I’m sick of not being able to watch soemthing that isn’t suitable. I’m sick of listening to her eating crisps while watching something lol and I’m sick of having to sit on my own on the other side of the room while she lays on the other sofa with DH.

We were halfway through a film but she clearly was bored, messing with her glasses etc so I turned it off and came to bed. I’m so fed up with it every single night!!

Dh won’t send her up stairs, he’s always too scared to say anything incase she falls out with him!!

OP posts:
HerMammy · 16/05/2021 17:25

Watching TV (when you're an adult) whilst in bed is just bizarre
There are a lot of bizarre ppl out there then 🤣

languising · 16/05/2021 17:31

@HerMammy

Watching TV (when you're an adult) whilst in bed is just bizarre There are a lot of bizarre ppl out there then 🤣
Not really. Why do you care where people watch tv?
HerMammy · 16/05/2021 17:56

I don’t care where anyone watches TV, my comment was regards to the pp saying it was immature and bizarre for adults to have a tv in their bedroom, most ppl I know have a tv in the bedrooms.

languising · 16/05/2021 17:57

Yeah sorry didn't mean to quote you

toocold54 · 16/05/2021 18:22

My dd13 has to go upstairs without electronics at 9pm on a week day. This ensures she gets a decent nights sleep on school nights. She doesbt have to go the bed, she can read or paint but definitely no electronics and upstairs. It also means I get an hour or so to watch what I want.

I completely agree.
I’m shocked at how many posters think it’s acceptable to not have bedtimes for 13 year olds!
I would say 10/10:15 is too late on a school night. No one goes up to bed and goes straight to sleep so it’s going be more like 11pm when the 13year old is asleep.
Why not have a bedtime of 9:30 on weekdays (to be asleep by 10-10:30) and then you are your DH go up at 10:30 so you have an hour ‘alone’ time but your DD doesn’t feel pushed out and gets a decent nights sleep. Obviously weekends she can stay up late and watch movies with you both.

likeafishneedsabike · 16/05/2021 18:37

Poor girl.

DissociativeBitch · 16/05/2021 18:45

That's too late for a 13 year old! I'd send her to bed at 9 and lights out at 9:30

If sharing a bedroom with her sibling is an issue then a separating curtain or allow her to chill in your room then go to sleep in hers.

Kids gotta have rules,
But also I have a toddler and can't wait for the age when we all can chill, eat pizza, popcorn and watch movies together!

charliebear78 · 16/05/2021 19:06

My Son is almost 14 and he watches TV in a different room to us until his bedtime-which is 9 30 week days and 10/10 30 weekends.
In some ways I do miss his company but even when we have asked he refuses and would rather be in "his" room, I always ask because I would hate him to feel left out.
When he was younger he would watch TV with us occasionally, Shows He liked that we could all watch together(Race across the World,Stranger Things etc etc) Sometimes this mean I had to watch things I didn't like(Brooklyn 99) but it wasn't every night and gave us time as a family.
I think you need to send her to bed earlier in the week and also spilt the shared bedroom somehow ..

Coldwine75 · 16/05/2021 19:08

Why is watching tv in bed as an adult 'bizarre'? We bought a lovely smart tv for our bedroom earlier this year and spend many evenings in bed watching, its brilliant

KurtWilde · 16/05/2021 19:32

I'm chuckling at posters with toddlers who think when they're teenagers they'll be in bed at 9.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 16/05/2021 19:55

OP what will you do when their mates come round in their teens and are lounging over your sofa of an evening?

I’ve currently got three teens watching the ladies footie final draped all over mine.

Summercocktailsinthesnow · 16/05/2021 19:58

My teens go to bed at 9pm!! Kurt It does happen - they are exhausted from so much sport, and are getting up early, they are tired.

Gwenhwyfar · 16/05/2021 20:09

@HerMammy

I don’t care where anyone watches TV, my comment was regards to the pp saying it was immature and bizarre for adults to have a tv in their bedroom, most ppl I know have a tv in the bedrooms.
I'm and adult who lives alone and I watch TV on my phone at night. It helps me wind down.
Chicchicchicchiclana · 16/05/2021 20:31

I wish I could watch TV in bed! Must get that sorted. Occasionally I go to bed early and watch something on my very light laptop. God I love my Chromebook.

Coldwine75 · 16/05/2021 20:43

@KurtWilde

I'm chuckling at posters with toddlers who think when they're teenagers they'll be in bed at 9.
Ha ha , that would NEVER happen!
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 16/05/2021 20:55

Kids gotta have rules,
But also I have a toddler and can't wait for the age when we all can chill, eat pizza, popcorn and watch movies together!

🤣 and I can't wait till your toddler is 13 and your trying to get them into bed at 9pm on a Friday or Saturday night. Come back and let us know how that goes.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 16/05/2021 20:55

You're

stayathomer · 16/05/2021 21:04

We have a 13 year-old and the rule at the moment is he can stay up up four nights a week. Generally a Sunday night is our time and maybe a friday. It's totally not unreasonable OP, when kids are younger people tell you to make sure to get me time, date nights etc, that shouldn't change. Great to have them there but you need to have nights you can look at your phone without feeling you're setting a bad example, watch any tv without feeling guilty or having to switch off due to content, and have actual adult conversations!! Cut down the nights and then you'll appreciate the nights she's there. And my dad was the most tolerant, wanted to be around us all the time dad but when I think of it now on Friday nights we were told we probably needed sleep after the week and were shipped off, and he had his walk every day where we were told we might not keep up!Grin

KurtWilde · 16/05/2021 21:05

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion 😂

stayathomer · 16/05/2021 21:08

But also I have a toddler and can't wait for the age when we all can chill, eat pizza, popcorn and watch movies together!
And I'm sure OP has great nights like that too but not every single night!!

Coldwine75 · 16/05/2021 21:13

Exactly those at toddler stage don't have a clue, sorry no offence. I thought you just meant weekends op , do you mean every evening?

IrishCharm · 16/05/2021 21:19

Who’s the parent and who’s the child? Surely as a parent you are able to put boundaries in place where it’s upstairs at say 9pm on a school night and she can spend an hour winding down in her room before bed etc??
Only you can sort it!

Ginger1982 · 16/05/2021 21:27

@MissM2912

I appreciate it is annoying but if she is an only child she is probably lonely. How would you feel if your husband and daughter told you to go away.
What a shitty comment. I'm an only child and was quite happy chilling in my room on my own of an evening. I'd watch some tv with my folks then head off on my own. Only children are not 'probably lonely.'

Clearly, as the OP's child shares a room with her sister, it's perhaps more that she wants to get away from an annoying sibling.

Coldwine75 · 16/05/2021 21:30

If this is every evening I am on your side op,sorry I thought you meant just weekends or a few nights a week.

lalafafa · 16/05/2021 22:09

@FoodieToo

I just can't imagine wanting to send my teens upstairs with a bag of treats at the weekend . Weeks are incredibly busy with 5 kids and two full time working parents . Weekends are to enjoytime with them . They'll be gone soon enough. Maybe I am completely crazy!!!!
yes you are