To be fed up of dd13 downstairs everynight

[Thedarksideofthemoon30]

I absolutely love my dd13 obviously and I appreciate she wants to hang out with us (her dad!!) but it’s getting past a joke. It’s been going on for over a year now and We haven’t had one evening to ourselves in that time. I’m sick of not being able to watch soemthing that isn’t suitable. I’m sick of listening to her eating crisps while watching something lol and I’m sick of having to sit on my own on the other side of the room while she lays on the other sofa with DH.

We were halfway through a film but she clearly was bored, messing with her glasses etc so I turned it off and came to bed. I’m so fed up with it every single night!!

Dh won’t send her up stairs, he’s always too scared to say anything incase she falls out with him!!

Reading PP and understanding the DH is a step dad (married two years) adds complexity. Why is DH cuddling up every night to his DSD, a teen? Why more cuddling with step dad (of relative short term) Wow that's not right at all OP. She is fighting her DM for affection from a man who is not her father, sitting all cuddled he is crossing all sort of boundaries here wtf?
Does she has SEN causing issues with boundaries.

@HumunaHey I read it a few times from PP in TWT. The PP had read other posts by OP which referred to it.

I wish I had this problem.

Ds is 15 and I feel like I hardly see him these days except meal times. He spends his life chatting to his chums on Xbox and generally in his bedroom, quite happily I hasten to add. Trying to get a conversation is like getting blood from a stone unless about football.

I’d love him to sit and watch a film with us or interact like he used to before he became a typical teen.

@HumunaHey A pp found lots of information from previous threads. This situation is beyond awful.

@HumunaHey, apparently people are getting the fact that the OP's DH is her dd's step dad from other threads. Very confusing, as the OP explicitly states in her first post that it's her dad, so I don't know what to believe...or, indeed, whether to believe any of it.

Frankly, I can't be arsed to read through all of the OP's previous threads to try to decipher the situation, and so I tend to take the OP at face value. I do agree, though, that the relationship between the teen dd and the OP's DH is concerning if he has only recently become her step dad. That doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic at all, and I would have some safeguarding concerns. But again, it's confusing because the OP doesn't seem to be concerned about protecting her dd, but rather jealous of the close relationship between her dd and her dh. It all sounds really fucked up tbh, and the dd watching TV downstairs until 10pm sounds like the least of the family's problems.

@EmeraldShamrock Exactly. It gives me a weird feeling. Not saying poor intent from either- don’t know the full situation- but as it’s not balanced across parents it’s odd a teen girl spending all sofa time with her mother’s new husband. Why not the married couple on one sofa or a swap around of pairings?

OP has posted previously that actually she doesn't like her children very much. Perhaps her husband is stepping into a caring role. It doesn't have to be sinister.

@Birminghambloke @Emeraldshamrock @paralysedbyinertia Oh, ok thanks.

Some people have really put the work in to investigate this. Just had a look at some of OP's old post and she does in fact say DH is DDs stepdad and has been for some years and has posted about feeling jealous of DDs relationship with DH. But then has also called called someone disgusting as they said the dynamic was creepy.

It's all very strange. Unfortunate that DD doesn't have her own room but also strange that two adults can not put something in place to spend a little time together because of a 13yo.

PP has previously said that DH came into DDs life when she was 5 and doesn't see her dad any more.

My two have flown the nest and it is many years since either of them were 13. I've been racking my brain to recall what evenings were like and, truly, cannot remember ever feeling resentful that they were with us. Plenty of grumps from me when a really important football match was on that both boys and their dad just had to watch - but 3 votes to 1 meant that I went to our bedroom and watched my programme of choice.
If a show is too rude to watch with a teenager then watch it when they are not around, or when you are in your own bedroom?

Last week the youngest came home for 3 days. There was a very important football match on. Did I grump and decamp to my room? No; I sat with him and watched him watching the football, loving every moment that he was here.

I don't know the solution to your problem OP - except to change your mindset to one of relishing her company, knowing that in very few years she will be out socializing or even living elsewhere.

Omg a 13yr old wanting to spend evenings in her own house watching telly!

Op. We 'get a break' when they are babies and toddlers and go to bed at 7pm, once they are teens they really do have as much right to sit in the living room as you do.

Your poor dc, I hope you manage to conceal your unpleasant irritation.

It sounds normal to me. You can't banish a thirteen year old to their room, anyway you, she and her dad are a unit.

In a very few years she will be out all the time, you will then have time together as a couple.

[quote HumunaHey]**@Birminghambloke* @Emeraldshamrock* @paralysedbyinertia Oh, ok thanks.

Some people have really put the work in to investigate this. Just had a look at some of OP's old post and she does in fact say DH is DDs stepdad and has been for some years and has posted about feeling jealous of DDs relationship with DH. But then has also called called someone disgusting as they said the dynamic was creepy.

It's all very strange. Unfortunate that DD doesn't have her own room but also strange that two adults can not put something in place to spend a little time together because of a 13yo.[/quote]
I think that if there’s an issue of sex between the OP and her DH (which OP has posted about before) perhaps her DH uses the relationship with his step daughter as a way to avoid intimacy with his wife.

I don’t mean this in a creepy way, I mean as a way to distance himself from spending 1-2-1 time with his wife (op says on another thread that her DH and DD do pamper evenings, go shopping ect and she’s jealous she doesn’t get any time alone with her DH, and also on other threads that they don’t have sex often).

op says on another thread that her DH and DD do pamper evenings, go shopping ect and she’s jealous she doesn’t get any time alone with her DH, and also on other threads that they don’t have sex often).
I'd be extremely wary of a man who avoided sex and enjoyed pamper nights with a young teen or preteen DSD.
It's all sorts of inappropriate cuddling on the couch while you're on another chair.
He has created this with your help, you're DD is a minor without boundaries and plenty of mixed messages.
Get it sorted.

@EmeraldShamrock

op says on another thread that her DH and DD do pamper evenings, go shopping ect and she’s jealous she doesn’t get any time alone with her DH, and also on other threads that they don’t have sex often). I'd be extremely wary of a man who avoided sex and enjoyed pamper nights with a young teen or preteen DSD. It's all sorts of inappropriate cuddling on the couch while you're on another chair. He has created this with your help, you're DD is a minor without boundaries and plenty of mixed messages. Get it sorted.

Dont be ridiculous, its normal dad and daughter time!!

Dont be ridiculous, its normal dad and daughter time!!
He is her step father and OP can't sit with him because DD is sitting on him.

So? My dd at 12/13 was like this, always cuddling up to her dad, i was never jealous! Now a few years on she is always in her room ! Its normal?

I need to stop coming back to this thread!

I think there are two things here. I totally agree kicking teenagers out at 8pm could make them not feel wanted but at 13 by 9/930 they should be thinking of heading to bed anyway.

I despair when I see posts of 4, 6 and 8 yr olds not going to bed until 10. It's a nightmare in school the next day. I'm fed up of trying to teach children that don't have enough sleep!! What are they doing until that time?

I despair when I see posts of 4, 6 and 8 yr olds not going to bed until 10. It's a nightmare in school the next day. I'm fed up of trying to teach children that don't have enough sleep!! What are they doing until that time?

My dd rarely slept earlier than 10pm when she was little, no matter how hard I tried to enforce it, or what bedtime routines I tried putting into place. She just didn't get sleepy and couldn't switch off. You wouldn't have known about it in school, though. She was always bright, alert and engaged in class, and her teachers always told us that her behaviour was exemplary. Some kids genuinely need less sleep.

How convenient, blaming a child for a dynamic that the adults enabled. Why are you letting the non bio parent dictate how you parent your bio child?

Op, stop your whining from the sidelines and step up your parenting game!

This situation has left me with a bad taste in the mouth.

The dynamic has changed since we now know that he is the stepfather and has only been married to op for a few years. When we factor in the other points about a lack of sex, interest and the affection from the step father to the child, I think it paints a worrying picture.

Just to say I have teen girls, my dh (their biological father) gives them a hug, a quick peck but does not lie with them or do pamper nights on their own etc. There has to be some boundaries between young teens and their fathers around this time of development, it is absolutely essential. It seems to me as if there could be safe guarding issue to at least consider, even if the relationship proves to be a very innocent one. I think there is something uncomfortable about the way you have described it, the way she annoys you and the affection going on between them. Something is off, and I would be very careful now around keeping your child safe. If he has moved in on her lock, stock and barrel you need to consider why op... please don't ignore it.

To those saying it's inappropriate, the Stepdad has been in their lives for 7 years so since DD was 6/7, why shouldn't she cuddle up to him if she's a Daddy's girl and her mum doesn't want her around?

@EmeraldShamrock

Dont be ridiculous, its normal dad and daughter time!! He is her step father and OP can't sit with him because DD is sitting on him.

I find it very odd too

I despair when I see posts of 4, 6 and 8 yr olds not going to bed until 10. It's a nightmare in school the next day. I'm fed up of trying to teach children that don't have enough sleep!! What are they doing until that time?

Perhaps address that to the tired children’s parents. Mine certainly aren’t tired and the get the recommended 10hrs of sleep the paediatrician advised us of. When younger they were up till midnight, but again slept later. When in school we managed to bring it earlier to lights out at 9.30 and all are asleep by 10. This is the best it’s ever been here.The teachers keep telling us how alert and engaged they are in class. Despite their bedtime and lack of breakfast! I know loads of kids asleep by 8pm but up at 6am. There’s no difference. What are those children doing at that time?

This used to annoy me a little too but now I really miss it. My sons are a little older and spend all evening now in their bedrooms with their doors shut.

Enjoy it while it lasts!