I think that there's a world of difference between having a bed time for school age kids and making them feel they're not wanted.
DS wakes at the same time, weekday or weekend. 6am - 6.15am. As I said previously, during the week he's in bed by 9pm, asleep by 9.30pm. He's just turned 14. He's not banished to his room, it's just a normal thing for the TV to go off at 8.30pm so he doesn't get engrossed in something. Then it's teeth and into bed where he'll inevitably have a chat and will always have a hug before he settles down with a book.
Weekends (Friday and Saturday) and during school holidays he can go to bed whatever time he wants. Usually with us around 10.30pm to 11pm and we have a lovely family evening. But he still naturally wakes at 6.15am.
So why doesn't he go to bed at 10.30pm during the week when he's at school if he's waking at 6.15am regardless? Because, on Saturday or Sunday, having had a late night, he'll sometimes go to his room mid afternoon to snooze with his music on. He can't do that at school, he can't 'catch up' on his sleep in class just because he's tired.
A lights out of 9.30pm during the week means his awake and with it during the day and he's used to a routine so it's not 'mean', it's normal. We couldn't care less if he needs a snooze at the weekends - that's his time and he can spend it however he wants within reason.
But I have one child in a group, same year as DS, that I look after in our secondary school who is constantly tired - I mean head down on the desk at the start of the day tired. He's in his bed at 11pm every night and is allowed to do his PS4 until that time or watch TV in his room. He needs an earlier night but he's not getting it as his parents just can't see it and he wants to play on the PS4.
Of course a 9.30pm bed time won't suit every child. I have always been a night owl and was up until 11pm regularly when I was my DS's age. But I didn't have to get up until 7.30am (a good hour plus on his getting up time) so I probably had the nearly the same amount of sleep as him. Different people have different needs for sleep.
And, of course, when DS was about 6 years old he'd be in bed at 8pm. I think, if I tried that now, I'd just get the 'mum's gone mad' look. Quite rightly. His bed time will change as he ages. I'm not exactly going to be telling a 16 year old he has to be in bed at 9.30pm when he's on an adult time table.
But, the point is the regular bed time doesn't show him we don't want him around - sometimes we're going to bed the same time if we're tired. What I hope it shows him is that, sometimes you just have to get to bed at a reasonable time regardless of a good film being on or your mates meeting up for a pint.
When I was working a two hour commute away there was no way I'd be sitting up doing anything at 11pm during the week. Or if I did I'd be keeping myself away with matchsticks propping my eyelids up!
When DH was travelling (as he had to for his job pre Covid), he'd be in bed at 9pm on Sunday as he was out of the house and to the airport at 4am Monday morning. Sometimes what you have to do the next day (i.e. school) dictates what time you go to bed, not what's on the TV or if other people are staying up late.