To be fed up of dd13 downstairs everynight

[Thedarksideofthemoon30]

I absolutely love my dd13 obviously and I appreciate she wants to hang out with us (her dad!!) but it’s getting past a joke. It’s been going on for over a year now and We haven’t had one evening to ourselves in that time. I’m sick of not being able to watch soemthing that isn’t suitable. I’m sick of listening to her eating crisps while watching something lol and I’m sick of having to sit on my own on the other side of the room while she lays on the other sofa with DH.

We were halfway through a film but she clearly was bored, messing with her glasses etc so I turned it off and came to bed. I’m so fed up with it every single night!!

Dh won’t send her up stairs, he’s always too scared to say anything incase she falls out with him!!

@Thedarksideofthemoon30

She goes bed around 10/10.15. So literally the same time.

I do enjoy it but sometimes I just need a break.

She shares her room with her younger sister so can’t go and relax in her room sadly, but she has our room that she sometimes goes and relaxes in.

Ah well that changes things. Where else can she go if she's not yet tired enough to sleep?

I'm so confused why people are so sad! Asking a 13 yr old to go to bed at 9 is reasonable!

It's interesting people saying how fantastic it is allowing young children to go to bed so late every night. My friend taught in an international school where this was the culture of the country and said it was a bloody nightmare with overtired children at school. Not sure why ensuring your child has a good nights sleep makes you anything other than a loving parent!

@DotBall

Oh god some of the replies on this thread make me understand exactly why we have issues in the classroom with entitled, rude behaviour from children.

Never given boundaries.
Never told no.
Never shown the distinction between adult and child (no, kids are NOT equal, parents should always get the final say).
Never taught respect (don’t give me bollocks about respect being earned, you show it in order to receive it).

We see it time and time again, the ‘kids first’ attitude. Sorry, but the world is hierarchical - better they learn that within a home setting before the world puts them straight.

I do a hobby that many children also enjoy. You can clearly see the divide between families with good boundaries and manners and those where the children do what they like. Yes, they are being judged by everyone else.

The opposite is true in my experience.

My dc are allowed to stay up with us and they have exceptional manners and are very well behaved. They understand how to interact with adults because they socialise with us. Respect should be mutual, not ‘I’m big, you’re small, I’m right, you’re wrong’ - I hate that attitude.

I would just say one day a week I'd like you to be in your room from 9, you don't have to go sleep but it's parent night for the TV etc

My god tell her to go to bed! I tell my older kids to go upstairs, they have TVs in their room which I know everyone doesn't agree with. But they can go upstairs and chill in their room watching whatever they want and we get some time downstairs watching what we want. Some of which isn't suitable for them! We like horror movies so obviously wouldn't watch them with them in the room.

I can't really relate to this at all. DH and I both work FT. DH is off to work at 6am so doesn't see them in the mornings at all apart from at weekends. After we come home from work we don't see them till dinner time as they're doing their own thing or I go food shopping or do some housework or MN or something. We have a strict rule where it's dinner together round the table and we all have a good chat about each other's day. We all enjoy this.

Then after dinner they usually go back on screens online with their mates for an hour or so, they have a shower or do homework and then the 4 of us settle down together in front of the telly with a box set of something. They're 15 and 17 so recently we've watched Line of Duty and we're now on Breaking Bad which they love. We ALL enjoy each other's company, and actually I view it as an educational experience for them being able to discuss what's happening in the programme and a character's motivation for something, or about police corruption etc.

Granted, it's a bit difficult when they're slightly younger to find something that is the right age rating but if you have netflix or sky and catch up it's certainly doable. We used to watch survival shows, Attenborough type things and old comedies like Red Dwarf when mine were around 13 plus classic films like Back to the Future.

They used to stay overnight at my parents' house a few times a year so DH and I enjoyed our "unsuitable for kids" films then. Or because they had each other they used to play on the wii in the other room while we watched something. A second telly or screen is useful for that if you're able to.

I'd never ever treat an only child like an inconvenience and send them to bed when it was obviously they liked company in the evenings. There may come a time when they DON'T want your company in the evenings and then they will be off for uni etc.

Even if they DON'T go away to uni plenty of young adults have to live with their parents these days as they can't afford to move out so I think you'd better start thinking more of acting like a family as opposed to a couple, as this could be happening for a looooong time to come!

@namesnamesnamesnames I didn't mean that the DD should be doing her homework in the living room.

Was more wondering what other space is available to her. At 13 I would often be doing homework in the evening til 9pm and so if couldn't use the bedroom because a younger sibling in bed I would have been a bit stuck.

OP, I think you need to feel very grateful your DD wants to be with you in the evenings and not on tablets or out with friends. However, it must be a bit irritating at times. Put DD on a tablet with headphones in crappy chair a few nights a week and do a movie night once a week. Put your foot down!

Is there room in the kitchen for a comfy chair or small sofa?

How heartwarming- make her sit in the kitchen.

DS is 13 and he goes to bed at around 9-9:15. Up until that point we watch TV together or talk and listen to music. He reads in bed for at least half an hour depending on how tired he is. We have movie nights on weekends sometimes and then he's up later. He's no bother downstairs but we do like to watch things that aren't suitable for him so it's nice to get that hour or two after he's gone up.

@Surfschool

We are a family, not a couple. We will have plenty of time to be just the two of us again when they grow up and leave home. I wouldn't dream of telling them they are not welcome to be with us in the evening.

Exactly this!

100%

@WeWantAMackerelNotASprat because that whole post was load of tripe. Also plenty of things that are appropriate for 13 year olds after 9. Unless you've been living under a rock for the last few years.

I 'm not sure what I think about DD and DH cuddling and you feeling excluded
Beyond that, it never crossed my mind to exclude DC from the communal area. I like having them around. There is only one living at home but I encourage them to sit with us rather than constantly in bedroom.TV watching is modified as to who the audience is. That is normal manners .
When they were at school they had early starts and went to bed at 9 or so but during holidays I would have gone to bed before the DC.

It’s difficult transition age. Too old for an 8pm bedtime, not old enough to watch more adult tv.

I didn’t want mine to have screens in bedroom after 8pm so the compromise was they were watching tv with me. I’ve watched plenty of things I wouldn’t normally be interested In and I missed loads of things that weren’t appropriate for them. We took turns to pick things.

Mine are older teens and we still Have family time most evenings and binge watch stuff together. We all like it.

You would now that

Know

15 year old being sent to bed with Haribo .... what's happened to the teens of today .... we were heading out with a bottle of smirnoff at that age .

I’d approach it not by you wanting alone time, but you want your choice of programme. Leave it up to her whether she stays or goes. I wouldn’t worry about suitability at that age unless really extreme.

My children are early twenties now, but when they were teenagers they used to stay in the living room with us in the evenings and we just watched stuff together. They both had their own rooms and would head up there sometimes, their choice. It was their house too, they had every right to sit in the living room. Those times passed soon enough. It’s just another part of being a parent.

The OP’s daughter doesn’t have her own space, this seems to have gone unnoticed by some posters.

Just say what you want to watch and say you need to stretch out on the sofa. People have a habit of always inhabiting the same chair. Then again what about DH sitting in the chair and you share the sofa with dd.

My 14 year old son watches TV with us until 10/10.15pm. I don’t get the opportunity to watch anything I want and it does frustrate me sometimes but I am actually glad that he wants to spend time with us.

i think you should move the youngest kids bed into your room OP, since youre not using it in the evening anyway and then your dd13 has her own space

@BigSandyBalls2015

15 year old being sent to bed with Haribo .... what's happened to the teens of today .... we were heading out with a bottle of smirnoff at that age .

This made me laugh out loud . So true

Why not choose 1 or 2 nights a week where DD can have movie night with you both, let her choose the movie and pick out nice snacks etc, but the other 5/6 nights are mum & dad's time and she goes up to your room with a book or whatever. It doesn't have to be all or nothing! We have family movie nights where our almost teenager & 2 younger kids all sit down & watch a movie then we have other nights where its just our oldest and us & we pick something the younger 2 can't watch. Then weekends are 'our' time - kids in their rooms before 9.30/10 and we order a take away and watch a good thriller/horror

You turned off a film everyone was watching? Your daughter will get the message and not want to be anywhere near you soon enough.