Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I wrong to be upset I missed my son opening his birthday presents? 😭

320 replies

BellaFranksLily · 15/05/2021 12:37

Its my sons 7th Birthday today. I was up late wrapping his presents, decorating and generally making it nice for him. I woke up to find my partner wasn’t next to me in bed, & went downstairs to find he had let my son open all of his presents without me. I’ve never missed any of my kids opening presents on Birthdays or Christmas. I’m not going to ruin today being upset, but was on the verge of tears when I realised. My son asked me where I was, and my partner is acting like it’s not a big deal. Feel gutted 😭

OP posts:
rwalker · 15/05/2021 14:52

@knittingaddict
rwalker
@MournfulTromboneNoise
We did tea ,cards and presents it just wasn't OTT .
So you do all that, but your children don't care if you're actually there and you're not bothered either?

As for OTT? Nothing the op describes is OTT in the slightest, so your comment is irrelevant. It's a basic of birthdays that both parents, living in the same house, get to see present opening of a young child.

In your rush to critique my reply you haven't read it properly CLEARLY I was referring to my household about OTTand not sugesting OP was OTT.

The thing is Op ask for opinion on I gave mine Hilarious that your not allowed to have a different opinion without being slated .

Jehovah witness and muslims don't celebrate birthdays at all I can only imagine how outraged you must feel at them

hapagirl · 15/05/2021 14:54

Totally crap of your partner. Of course your DS is going to be excited and want to open them immediately but it’s teaching him decency and curtesy to wait for everyone to gather. I’m sorry OP, of course you would be upset by this. I would be livid.

LittleTiger007 · 15/05/2021 14:55

Oh my word what a terrible thing to do! 😡😭

Ilovemaisie · 15/05/2021 14:55

I keep reading the 'Muslims don't celebrate birthdays' thing lately - but all the people I know who are Muslim celebrate their birthdays.
I have never heard that before until about 2 weeks ago and now everyone is repeating it.
Not the point of the thread I know but it seems odd that suddenly everyone is saying that.

Bluedeblue · 15/05/2021 14:59

That's a sackable offence. Unless of course it was midday and you were in bed with a hangover, maybe I'd get it then, but if it was still early, it's an utter dick move. Really really nasty.

Melitza · 15/05/2021 14:59

I bet he stood at the bottom of the stairs and called your name once.
Then he went back and let ds open his gifts.
He should have sent dc to wake you up.

itsgettingwierd · 15/05/2021 15:00

That's awful.

It would never cross my mind to let a child open their presents without all the residents of the house present.

Is he usually a prick or was this just an extremely stupid insensitive mistake?

morningtoncrescent62 · 15/05/2021 15:03

That's a horrible thing to have happen, OP. My DC are adults now, but I remember so well the excitement and happiness of birthdays - and there aren't that many of them, in the scheme of things, when your children are young enough for you all to enjoy the pleasure and fun of opening presents together. You sound as though you've done the right thing, and put it behind you as far as you can so as not to spoil the rest of the day, but I don't blame you at all for being upset.

Notimeforaname · 15/05/2021 15:06

Jesus. All the 'prick' 'nasty bastard' 'psychopath' talk is mad. The woman didn't wake up.

Cant know for sure if he tried 'hard enough ' to wake her or not, she didn't set an alarm and hes a nasty bastard because she didn't get up. Set an alarm next time.

Yes it must be heartbreaking to miss seeing their faces but it's never another adults responsibility to get me up for an appointment,work or a birthday.

The fact is you were asleep and assuming this was all done 'on purpose' is a bit mad (unless theres a back story we haven't heard about about)

And I wouldn't think it fair to make a child sit there looking at presents until the other parent got up.

Hope you and your child have a lovely day regardless op 🎈🎁🎉

rwalker · 15/05/2021 15:12

@Ilovemaisie
The context I put it in was that I said we didn't make a fuss about birthdays and got responses poor children ,depressing ,have I given thought to why my children aren't bothered for there special occasion .

the relevance is not everyone thinks birthday are that special or to be celebrated .
Like any faith people follow to a varying degree . The area I work in there faith is followed fully .

Disfordarkchocolate · 15/05/2021 15:15

He wanted all the glory without doing the work, not nice.

partyatthepalace · 15/05/2021 15:19

That’s absolutely not on. And it’s not good for your son either.

Ilovemaisie · 15/05/2021 15:19

rwalker so do you mean that people who you know that are Muslim don't celebrate their birthdays? Because as I said the people I know do. Until a couple of weeks ago I had never heard the idea that birthdays aren't celebrated in Islam. Never heard it at all.

Viviennemary · 15/05/2021 15:20

On the verge of tears. That's not ok. Are you stressed out by other things in your life.

supermoonrising · 15/05/2021 15:24

@rwalker
You are not being criticised because you disagree about the importance of birthdays, but because you're giving opinions which aren't related to the OPs situation. Reread her original post and you'll see that she was up late wrapping, decorating and had never missed presents being opened. So in that context just going off on "I don't think Bdays are such a big deal" is a bit tone deaf. Because clearly the OP does. The idea is to evaluate the OPs response given the specifics of her situation as laid out in the original post - not just offer up random musings and opinions on life.

AnxiousWeirdo · 15/05/2021 15:24

I'm sorry but what the actual fuck?! How hard is it to wake someone up exactly!? What a complete twot. Sorry op that's quite heart breaking Flowers

Confusedandshaken · 15/05/2021 15:26

That's awful. My husband is often thoughtless but I don't think he'd be that bad.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 15/05/2021 15:27

@Brefugee

On the off chance he is telling the truth and he couldn't wake you up, everyone here would make their 7 year old sit and look at their presents till the other parent woke up?

frankly? yes. Every time. And if i couldn't wake my partner up I'd be calling an ambulance, not opening presents.

OP, hand off all birthday preparations to him in future. And maybe in a quiet moment ask your DS why he didn't come to get you and at some point (not today) I'd tell him that you're sad you didn't get to see him open the presents.

My DDs would still be waiting for their Christmas 2003 presents if I'd followed that principle.

The ex worked stupid hours, getting up at 4.15am 6 days a week and was regularly on call outs 3 times in a night due to attempted thefts at his workshop. On the rare occasions where he hadn't been woken up by 5am, the house could burn down and he'd still sleep through it. He didn't need an ambulance, he just needed to be left in deep sleep for longer.

The children didn't need to be forced to wait for his benefit, as it wasn't their fault - and despite all his dickish ways, he never expected them to wait for him, as he'd been the kid who had to wait until 5pm for Xmas presents whilst he could see all around him there were kids out with their new toys from the mornings onwards.

Onthegrid · 15/05/2021 15:27

Yes it's shit and you have every right to be upset. I hope your conversation goes well tonight.

CandleWick4 · 15/05/2021 15:30

Sorry OP I clicked YABU on your vote accidentally! You are definitely not BU

coffeefi · 15/05/2021 15:33

I would be furious. Absolutely

PurpleRainDancer · 15/05/2021 15:33

@Peanutbutterandbananatoastie

So you did all the work and he took all the glory? Yeah no big deal Hmm I would be furious. So difficult as you don’t want to argue in front of your son on his birthday.

Does stuff like this happen often?

This
allthesharks · 15/05/2021 15:33

This is awful. I would be really hurt and upset too.

On my DDs birthday, my partner (not her Dad) left for work a bit later than usual so he could stay and watch her open her presents. It wasn't just about him getting to experience it, it was more for DD to make her feel special on her birthday.

I don't know what I would suggest now as he can't undo what he did this morning but, for me, an apology wouldn't make me feel much better.

DifferentHair · 15/05/2021 15:35

What a dick!!

Acting like it shouldn't be a big deal is what tips it over. What a gaslighting bastard.

Let's pretend he's so stupid and thoughtless that he didn't realise she would want to see her child open the presents she stayed up to wrap. Once she has said she is upset- he should believe her about her own fucking feelings and apologise rather than try to trick her into thinking she's over sensitive and he's done nothing wrong.

It's shitty behaviour and I'm guessing this isn't a first ever shitty thing he's done but part of a pattern of behaviour

MournfulTromboneNoise · 15/05/2021 15:43

[quote rwalker]@knittingaddict
rwalker
@MournfulTromboneNoise
We did tea ,cards and presents it just wasn't OTT .
So you do all that, but your children don't care if you're actually there and you're not bothered either?

As for OTT? Nothing the op describes is OTT in the slightest, so your comment is irrelevant. It's a basic of birthdays that both parents, living in the same house, get to see present opening of a young child.

In your rush to critique my reply you haven't read it properly CLEARLY I was referring to my household about OTTand not sugesting OP was OTT.

The thing is Op ask for opinion on I gave mine Hilarious that your not allowed to have a different opinion without being slated .

Jehovah witness and muslims don't celebrate birthdays at all I can only imagine how outraged you must feel at them[/quote]
Unless OP converted in the night that's not relevant is it.

Just because you and your kids don't care if you're around don't assume the OP is the same. OOT or not, you said they're not bothered if you're there. That's your lot, that's on you.