To think ds was entitled to say the teacher was wrong

[challengerequired]

Ds has an EHCP and as a consequence has a teaching assistant in some lessons.
Today this teaching assistant kept him behind after one lesson because ds had told her that he thought her answer to a question was wrong. She told him never to do that again, as it would confuse the girl next to him.
Aibu to be annoyed? 1 - because I think she's his TA so the other girl doesn't really come into it
2 - because a child should not be discouraged from challenging opinions? I think she should have used it as an opportunity to ask him why he thought she was wrong - get a conversation out of it?

Ah just seen that she's an apprentice. Makes a lot of sense to what I've just posted. This is a good opportunity to reset the relationship with your DC (I know easier said than done with ND!) and put some strategies in for them both for the future.

My autistic daughter was sent out of class for correcting the biology teacher. He would not accept that he was wrong & she NEEDS facts to be corrected. She probably seemed rude but autistic people often come across like that whereas in their own minds they are just being factual.

Dh is a teacher in FE & HE and the fact that was wrong was one of his specialist areas of knowledge. It was a biological fact, not opinion.

But then again this was the teacher who failed to teach the gcse syllabus correctly and when he retired the incoming teacher had to massively catch up the year 11 in a very short space of time.

@Daphnise because ds is getting more and more unhappy at school and I want to stop that before it gets worse?

When you parent an autistic child you have to be much more involved with school than the parent on a NT child just to keep your child engaged in education.

My dcs are chips off the old block and terrible know-alls

I told them to just keep schtum and know inwardly that they are right unless it’s really important.

My niece and nephew are bilingual and I should think they are a mfl teacher’s worst nightmare as it must be awful to be “on trial” every lesson. One never said a word when the teacher made mistakes, but the other made one teacher lose their temper.... he was probably being an annoying little bugger...

Exactly @Comefromaway

@challengerequired

This LSA has been working with him since September She's still in training. We talked recently about something different and she said that on the first day she met he had been so happy and smiley, but since then he'd been so much more difficult. The thing is, he's not there to make her life easy is he? He's a teenager on the spectrum who also has a physical disability. It's her job to find a way to build a relationship with him. This doesn't mean I condone rudeness or anything. But his previous LSA knew how to talk to him and how to win his affection, as does his drama teacher - it's possible! I told her she needs to for example show a bit of interest in his obsessions - but I feel she's not taking that on board.

Oh man, I've been there. In my first job I was ok and sometimes not great. It was an SLT issue ,not a me issue. I literally got thrown in as a 1:1 , with no induction,support ,experience or training. I hadn't even applied as a 1:1 but as a class TA. Every time I asked for more support and guidance I was told I was doing great , while at the same time getting feedback that the parents thought it was all my fault and "I didn't get him". I quit that job , because all SLT would do was smile and nod at both parties and pit us against each other.

Years on and different school , I have great relationships with all my SEN children , I understand their needs, I adapt easily and I can make a lesson accessible even for small groups with varying needs.

Definitely email the SENCO, not as a complaint but it sounds like they both need more support for their relationship to flourish and build trust and confidence both ways.

@Daphnise

Why are you getting so involved? It's just an everyday exchange at school. I hope your child isn't a talebearer. Helicopter parents.....

Because the parent of a child with SEN will automatically be more involved with the school(extra meetings, progress ,targets etc) even without any issues.

Yes if he's becoming very unhappy, I see no reason not to step in. Arrange a meeting with the relevant staff.

An apprentice LSA working with 2? ECHP teens on her own? I know schools are cash strapped but really? she's practically been set up to fail.
She may appreciate some pointers from you in how best to deal with some of your son's quirks (hope that's not an offensive word to use!) that are unique to him. Altering her approach may be a game changer.

Your son may well be misinterpreting the reasons why he is being "punished" ? There's are misunderstandings between TA and pupil. That must feel frustrating for him.

Obviously I wasn't there, but from my experience I'd think it could be:
A) your son's tone or language was inappropriate, or
B) the LSA is lacking in confidence/skill.
If you're confident in your subject knowledge, you'd appreciate a student questioning/correcting you. Either you made a mistake which needs correcting before all the kids in the class learn the wrong thing, or your student is helping you understand misconceptions which lead them to think you're incorrect, and you can bet half a dozen other students are thinking the same but didn't have the nerve to say it in a classroom. (Number of lines of symmetry in a rectangle, for example, someone always says I got it wrong and there are 4, after which I get them all to cut one out and fold it to show them why I'm right 😂, common misconception).
So no, your son should not be told never to question or challenge someone at school.

@SmileyClare that's why I said to her in our previous talk to take an interest in his obsessions, but I'm not sure she's taken that on board.

The bond between child and 1-1 is vital, someone can be fantastic in general at their job but if the bond isn’t there then it won’t work. Ds is still in primary school but we have had a time when his 1-1 was swapped after half a term because it just wasn’t working. She was lovely and fully understood it was nothing personal

OP fwiw I also have a 14yr old with an ehcp who has a brand new LSA in her first job that he cant stand. Have had to have a meeting about his rudeness to her because it has crossed the line and yet the other LSAs he gets on with much better. Its a REALLY tricky balance at this age when they are resistant to the support they actually need.
Your ds does also need to give her a chance, as at this age its going to be increasingly important to learn how to work with people appropriately even when you dont warm to them, and vice versa, she might need more training and explanation of how to get the best from him. In secondary school the teacher may well be aware that a child has an EHCP but they wont be aware of the details, and nor will the LSA. This can cause all sorts of problems.

@Jobsharenightmare

My step child's teacher was apparently embarrassed by it being pointed out that they (teacher) was spelling potato incorrectly (potatoe). I still remember it being noted in the homework book "potatoe has an e at the end". My step child kept spelling it (and other words correctly), getting "corrected" and TA told me that it was challenged in the class once and it embarrassed the teacher.

Teachers can be wrong. There isn't always an answer a child can give as to why "um because that's not how you spell it Miss".

I wonder too what the context was in your case though.

That teacher must have trained at George W Bush University!

@challengerequired

We had also agreed after our talk we'd keep email contact if any issues arose - so why didn't she email me about this?

Because it’s not really an issue, at least not one that should take her time away from the students she supports and into an office to write an email.

Why do think the LSA is wrong for encouraging your son to show her his work? How is she supposed to support him with it if she can’t see it?

Honestly, it sounds like you just don’t like her. But she’s doing a difficult job and being paid like shit for it, maybe you should give her a break.

Hmm @Branleuse as a teacher I am very much expected to read up on and accommodate individual needs of students I teach...

@NailsNeedDoing it was her who suggested email contact to improve the working relationship

I used to correct teachers as an autistic teenager. I had one very memorable spat with a maths teacher where I insisted her answer of something like 12.2 times 10 to a power should be 1.22 times 10 to the next power because that is how standard form works. She insisted that her way was just 'a different way of doing it'. Yes, a way that will be marked wrong if the other students use it in the exam. The thing about autism is it can give you a very keen sense of fairness, and whether or not your DS was right, being told he can't challenge the TA's answers may have provoked this kind of frustration.

(I'm in teaching now, and because of my experiences I always listen if a student says I'm wrong - and if I don't think I am, I explain why instead of just being dismissive.)

Based on your most recent posts, I agree with others that you should contact the Senco. It sounds like the relationship is deteriorating and the TA needs support to remedy the situation. There should also be a discussion about how your son speaks to her.

@challengerequired

Hmm *@Branleuse* as a teacher I am very much expected to read up on and accommodate individual needs of students I teach...

Secondary?

@Branleuse yes!

[quote challengerequired]@Branleuse yes![/quote]
Thats interesting in a good way.

I imagine it was the delivery of the question, many parents dont want to admit when there dc are rude. I do school swimming and swimming lessons and the many conversations I've had about children talking back and damn right rudeness, ignoring me and going under the water when I'm speaking and the parents response is ah well they are just having fun. They are very dismissive of poor behaviour which they wouldn't tolerate themselves. Teachers are with a constantly having to deal with poor behaviour when trying to teach I suspect you haven't got the Full facts and jumped onto your dc defense.

Hmm some lsa are not a good fit. She is finding him challenging. Can you find out from her what exactly/specifics about him she finds challenging and suggest other tactics that work with your son.

It's hard not to get offended by lsa say about a child when they are your own but if she is willing to learn from you perhaps she could adapt for the better

I used to work as a TA and if the teacher made a mistake, I used to say, "Oh everyone's asleep this morning. Nobody's spotted Miss X's deliberate mistake."

Cue 30 kids and 1 teacher all madly scanning the text to find the error.